4.8.18 - Erin's Paint "Nite" birthday celebration

Today was a nice day.

Jack got up early and went to Starbucks to get some work done for a couple hours before I would leave for the afternoon. When he returned, I took the hour or so drive to Vacaville to join Erin for one of those paint and drinks classes for her birthday. It's pretty appropriate that so much of our friendship blossomed from crafting sessions and now we are celebrating her birthday with more creativity.

Most of the drive there I talked to Neil, which makes the drive go quickly and serves as good visiting time. When I got there, I found a parking spot less than half a block from the location. It had a sign for 2 hour parking only, which would have been a problem, but in smaller print the sign said "Except Sundays." Yesss.

The venue for our painting class.

Erin was already there when I walked in and she had reserved seats for her group. Sarah arrived not long after. I'm really glad she was able to make it. Vacaville is roughly halfway between us and so a shorter trip than if she had hauled all the way to my place.

Erin was kind enough to buy the tickets for the paint event, which is so sweet, and so the only cost to me was gas to get there and money for food or drinks. However I am trying to spend a bit less because this time of year there are so many birthdays and Mother's and Father's day coming up and it takes a toll on our budget. So I ordered a slice of pizza (one of the less expensive options). To my delight, the "slice" they brought me was huge! Easily as big as a personal pan pizza, just slice shaped. So that was a pleasant surprise. Later on Sarah treated me to a glass of sangria, which by the way was delicious.

It was pleasant sitting in the sunshine (indoors but near a wall of windows) between Erin and Sarah and painting and visiting. And I like the way my painting turned out--I added some stormy clouds for contrast. I think this is the third one of these types of classes I've been to, and at the end I always enjoy seeing the different twists everyone puts on their own paintings.

Erin's painting on the left, mine on the right

On the drive home I talked to Julie most of the way, which was again pleasant and made the drive go fast. It helped that there was very little traffic. When I got back, Clara was very interested in my painting and wanted to just lay on our bed and look at it, so that's pretty high praise. I showed her where the sun, clouds, sky, ocean, and beach were, and she kept pointing to each and naming them. Very sweet.

4.8.18 - Google's "Find My Device" function

4.7.18 - Weather changing...

4.7.18 - The Giver

Just saw the film The Giver for the first time. It wasn't as good as the book (obviously), and the acting was mediocre, but I still really enjoyed it because I think the plot is such a good concept. I remember being moved by the book when I first read it in 8th grade, and watching the movie this weekend I was still moved.

4.7.18 - Jack and I are still married

It's 7:15am on a Saturday. My alarm just went off because I'm going to go get some work done this morning before everyone really gets up and going. But before I do anything else I want to write about the dream I had while I still remember it.

In this dream, Jack and I were together but we weren't married and we didn't have kids. Just like in reality, in the dream he was about to finish his nursing degree. We were staying at some friend's house, not sure whose, and when he graduated we were going to go back to Missouri for the summer just like I used to do the first few years I lived in California. The night before our trip, we had a frank conversation (that, at the time, seemed mutual) about how our relationship wasn't really working anymore and once we got back to Missouri we should probably just call it quits. Before I fell asleep I thought fleetingly about whether I should get in touch with Pat and see if he wanted to start hnaging out again, just for a while (in this dream he was also single, and basically the exact same person he was in real life in 2008).

In the dream, I woke up early, before Jack, and had to slowly remember that we had agreed to break up. Then I thought about all the plans Jack and I had been making about moving in together (which we hadn't done yet), and all the details we'd discussed about what sort of place we'd like to live in and how excited we were to start the next phase of our lives. We'd even talked about what kind of kids we hoped to have someday. I struggled to remember if we had really just agreed last night to break up or if I had dreamed it (Inception!!)

I woke Jack up and asked, "Did we agree last night to break up for good?" Him: "Yeah, we did. I think once we break up that should just be it, we shouldn't let it linger." I started to get tearful and said "Look, if that's what you want that's what we should do. I'm not going to try to change your mind. But I do think it's super sad when we had all these plans to move in together." He seemed to only just remember that (same as I had a few minutes earlier) and he looked sad and slightly guilty and said something like "Yeah, that is hard. It's really too bad." I felt so disappointed and even a little heartbroken.

So you wouldn't think this post would be in my Joy Inventory blog, but--then I woke up in real life. And as reality came back to me, first I realized we weren't about to break up, and that was a welcome relief. Then I realized in fact we are already married and we have children together. I mean our relationship is about as sealed as they get. Instead of thinking in terms of how many days we have left before it's over, I remembered it's not going to be over and we have decades ahead of us. And I felt so happy and relieved to know Jack and I are together.

Pic from a quick Mod pizza date a couple weeks ago.

And as I write this here, I feel a second wave of, I don't know, contentment? Because there was a long time when I was terrified of getting married. There was a time when I would have dreams about Jack proposing and wake up relieved to realize we were not engaged and everything was still flexible. But my dream last night and my waking relief just now were the exact opposite, and it really shows how much I have evolved and improved on the marriage front, more than I ever thought I would.

Anyway, I love my family intensely and I'm grateful to have them.

4.6.18 - Kid snippets

Tuesday was the first time this year that I dressed Clara in shorts. Our potential new backup babysitter, Nicole, took Clara for a walk around the apartment complex, and Clara tripped and scraped her knees. It wasn't too bad but it's never happened to her before and she was pretty hard to console. She couldn't stop pointing to her knees and saying "This!" while crying, so I switched her to pants so she couldn't see it. Then I gave her a cookie and let her watch videos; she sat in Nicole's lap while Nicole stroked her hair, and she did calm down. Kind of reminds me of The Giver the first time the main character feels any form of pain (a sunburn) and it's a totally new sensation. I mean it's not as if Clara has never gotten hurt before but this was the first knee scrape, so in her 3-year-old world that's a big deal. Kind of bittersweet.

Tuesday night was also the first time Clara started to understand the robot game. Basically she sits in my lap and touches my thumb, and I make robot noises as my arms close in around her and squeeze her a few times and then open back up. I've gotten her this far before--where she makes the connection between touching my thumb and getting squeezed--but last night I also built it up to three different options: thumb = squeeze, pointer finger = tickle, middle finger = bop Jane's nose. They were both delighted. Clara sat in my lap and Jane stood on the floor holding onto my knees and just cooing and grunting and laughing and bounching up and down the whole time. We kept at it for about 15-20 minutes and they were both so excited the whole time.

A bunch of failed selfies.

On Thursday Clara and Jane were making each other laugh on the drive home from speech therapy. I don't even know what they were doing, but I could see in the rearview mirror Clara leaning toward Jane looking delighted. This was in sharp contrast to when I drive Clara home from therapy by herself and she is bored and I have to keep her entertained. I'm so glad these two have each other. I've noticed I feel a bit less anxious lately about Clara's speech issues, and I think that's because I feel a bit less worried about her growing up lonely because I keep seeing how she and Jane play together.

Finally, today we had to pause videos and all run into the nursery (me carrying Jane) so that Clara had the best vantage point from which to watch the big garbage truck do its job. She stood on the windowstill, blinds pushed aside, saying "Hi truck!" and Jane stood on the floor holding onto the edge of the toy box. Such an event. It's also raining today and twice Clara has stopped what she's doing in the living room to go into the nursery and look out the window at the rain. The second time she asked me to come with her (in her way--just said "Mama" and used body language to suggest I come with her). She stood on the windowstill and said "Oh, wow. So pretty." as she watched the rain.

Clara trying to pull Jane on top of her.

4.4.18 - Robot game

Yesterday was the first time this year that I dressed Clara in shorts. Our potential new backup babysitter, Nicole, took Clara for a walk around the apartment complex, and Clara tripped and scraped her knees. It wasn't too bad but it's never happened to her before and she was pretty hard to console. She couldn't stop pointing to her knees and saying "This!" while crying, so I switched her to pants so she couldn't see it. Then I gave her a cookie and let her watch videos; she sat in Nicole's lap while Nicole stroked her hair, and she did calm down. Kind of reminds me of The Giver the first time the main character feels any form of pain (a sunburn) and it's a totally new sensation. I mean it's not as if Clara has never gotten hurt before but this was the first knee scrape, so in her 3-year-old world that's a big deal. Kind of bittersweet.

Last night was also the first time Clara started to understand the robot game. Basically she sits in my lap and touches my thumb, and I make robot noises as my arms close in around her and squeeze her a few times and then open back up. I've gotten her this far before--where she makes the connection between touching my thumb and getting squeezed--but last night I also built it up to three different options: thumb = squeeze, pointer finger = tickle, middle finger = bop Jane's nose. They were both delighted. Clara sat in my lap and Jane stood on the floor holding onto my knees and just cooing and grunting and laughing and bouncing up and down the whole time. They were both so excited, haha.

4.2.18 - Starbucks app to Spotify

4.1.18 - Gluten free Easter

3.31.18 - March joy statuses

3.30.18 - Planning our belated honeymoon

When we got married in 2014, Dad offered to send us on a honeymoon as our wedding gift. We decided to delay the trip until after we had children. I think at the time the idea was (1) the trip would be a more meaningful break if it was after we had children and (2) I knew Jack and I were going to start trying to get pregnant right away in summer 2014 so I wasn't drinking. I don't want to go on a honeymoon where I can't drink.

So here we are four years later, and although we may not be done with our childbearing days, we are in a break at least. I'm not pregnant, not about to get pregnant and (hopefully) not still nursing by the end of this summer. Additionally and probably just as importantly, Jack will be done with school but won't yet have the commitment of a nursing job. It's really the perfect moment of physical and professional flexibility to take a quick vacation.

So we decided to take our belated honeymoon this August. Jack originally wanted to go to Europe, but for a trip like that to really be worth the haul I would think it needs to be at least two weeks if not longer, and we don't really have the budget for that, especially accounting for the daily cost of childcare while we're gone. So instead we decided to stay in-country and go to a city known for it's great food. Originally we were trying to choose between Chicago, New Orleans, Portland, and Seattle. After talking it over with more people we had narrowed it to Chicago or Portland and I really couldn't decide. Jack said he could go either way. I did an online poll and got these results:

Portland has the advantage of cheaper plane tickets and hotels, plus neither of us have ever been there before. Chicago has the advantage (or so it seems) of more to do, and I haven't been to Chicago since I was 15 anyway. Plus I get the impression that Chicago feels more "big city" and Portland feels more "laid back west coast town." I was pretty conflicted and, after the poll, leaning toward Portland. But then Jack talked it over with his classmates and they swayed him to Chicago, so that's that.

Anyway, so today I finally booked tickets: mine and Jack's to Chicago, and Don and Merlene's to Sacramento. We did the math, and buying them round trip tickets to come out and watch the girls was actually slightly less expensive than paying Beth to watch the girls the entire time. Plus this way (1) Don and Merlene get some grandparent bonding time and (2) the girls can stay in their own home, which may be less alien to them, I hope.

I also reserved mine and Jack's hotel in Chicago, which is right near the river. Once I knew where we were staying, I was able to spend a long time today incorporating all the sight-seeing and food recommendations people gave us, making a budget, and planning out not an iron clad schedule but at least multiple daily plans (e.g. if we're going to the Museum of Science and Industry we should hit up the best food places in that area the same day). It was so much fun to plan the whole thing out, and when I was done I was still pretty under budget--enough that I may be able to buy a couple cute new tops or something before we go, which I never do.

Jack and I have never taken a trip together except to go see family. We've never taken a vacation just the two of us. I am so excited. Here's the tentative schedule for now, but we'll see how much this changes once we are there:

Thursday

Breakfast: Wildberry Pancakes & Cafe ($$)

Field Museum (& lunch ($$))

Dinner: Malnati's ($$)

Evening: Signature Lounge ($$$)

Friday

Breakfast: The Purple Pig ($$)

Morning: Skydeck Chicago

Lunch: Au Cheval ($$)

Dinner: grocery store ($)

Grant Park Music Festival, 6:30p-8:30p

Saturday

Breakfast: groceries? ($)

Lunch: Cemitas Puebla ($)

L Train - $5

Museum of Science & Industry

Snail Thais Cuisine ($$)

L Train - $5

Sunday

Breakfast: groceries? ($)

Lincoln Park Zoo

Uber - $15

Lunch: Dak ($$)

Uber - $20

The Second City Theater (7pm)

Dinner: 1959 Kitchen & Bar ($$)

Monday

Breakfast: groceries? ($)

Lunch: Al's Beef ($)

Shoreline Architectural Cruise (earliest departs 9:30a, latest 6:15p)

Uber - $15

The Violet Hour ($$$)

Uber - $15

Tuesday

Breakfast: groceries? ($)

Lunch: Devil Dawgs ($)

Adler Planetarium

Dinner: Dine-in movie theater? ($$)

Wednesday

Checkout by noon

3.27.18 - More art I appreciate

Cloud Path - Michael Gregory

Barcaiolo - 

Collage I made Hugo a couple years ago.

3.25.18 - Clara and Jane are spending more time together

I mean they are together all the time, but they are starting to interact more and it's delightful.

Up until recently, Clara pretty much ignored Jane entirely, except to fuss if Jane tried to take or even touched certain of Clara's toys. But over the last few weeks they've started to play together. Specifically Jane will laugh at something Clara does, so Clara will repeat the action, and it often ends with Clara leaning very close to Jane's face while they both giggle at each other. It's very sweet.

Jane doesn't understand kisses.

Sometimes I get a bit nervous because Clara will do something like pat Jane's head kind of hard or try to lay on top of Jane, but Jane is actually only a few pounds smaller than Clara and seems to handle it fine. In fact she usually finds it very funny.

A week or two ago I was giving Clara a bath, and Jane was so interested and excited about it she was trying to crawl over the side into the tub. She was almost lifting herself off the ground, standing on her very tip-toes to try to reach into the tub. So we went ahead and stripped her down and put her in (in her laundry basket) and she was so delighted. She kept clapping together some of the plastic bath toys and making her excited face and giggling. Clara seemed ambivalent to Jane being there but watched curiously. I think that's a good start to sharing a tub.

Up until today I have not tried to have them nap at the same time in the same room. Usually I'll put Clara down for her nap in the nursery and put Jane down in our bedroom. Today Jane wasn't acting tired and I am tired so I decided just to put Jane in her crib in the nursery while Clara was (supposed to be) napping and see what happens. So far the results have been mixed. On the on ehand neither of them is asleep. On the other hand Jane didn't cry for more than a few seconds, and I can hear them in there laughing and babbling to each other, which I love.

I just went in there to check on them and Clara was standing on the side of the crib and Jane was looking at her, and Jane's crib has Clara's blanket, multiple books and stuffed animals, and a whole bunch of the alphabet magnets. I guess Clara was just offering Jane everything, haha.

3.24.18 - Playing together

3.17.18 - St. Patrick's Day

I actually forgot it would be St. Patrick's Day until last night when I saw Google's Doodle for the day.

This is one of those minor holidays that of course can't compare to the Trifecta in the last quarter (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas), but as a kid I always enjoyed all the holidays quite a lot. I think it might because we made a big deal about them at school, and Mom had decorations for at least some of them at home. Otherwise I remember making our own drawings and decorations to put in the dining room at home for each holiday. And I always enjoyed feeling special and included wearing green on St. Patrick's Day (or dressing up for easter, or wearing red on Valentine's Day, etc.)

Now that I have my own kids the "minor holidays" seem fun again, even though so far they are too young to know what's going on. And even though we probably won't even leave the apartment on this laid back Saturday, I went ahead and dressed them both in some of the only green clothes they had and put on my own greenish cargo pants (which, incidentally, I couldn't wear without an extendor last time I tried them on, and now they fit no problem. Thank you calorie counting!)

Clara reads along to One Fish, Two Fish.

Jane snuggles her blanket.

I had no plans beyond that but I did bake some blueberry muffins today including a lot of zucchini and real bluberries, which made the batter look dark green. We'll pretend that was for St. Patrick's Day. And it was really a joy turning on the oven light and watching Clara get excited about the muffins baking. She put her nose up to the window and said "Oh wow! So muffin!" and she kept knocking on the oven door, haha.

When the first batch was done, I fed some pieces to Janey in her high chair and Clara squooshed next to me on the kitchen chair I was sitting on and remarked "Two? Two muffins!" meaning one for her and one for me. She seemed to get a kick out of that. So all three of us shared a moment wearing our green clothes and eating our slightly green freshly baked muffins, and it was pretty nice.

Finally, here is my post on FB for the day:

I've been trying to get Clara to take a nap for like an hour, and once or twice I've heard her sitting at the nursery door knocking. I open the door and say "Clara Lynn, go lay down," and she jumps up and runs and gets in her bed. Wait long enough and the process repeats. Just now I went to do the same, but instead of opening the door I just said through it "Clara Lynn, go lay down." I could hear she didn't move, so I said it again and still heard nothing. So I opened the door to make her go lay down, only to realize she is asleep at the foot of the door, haha. Guess that's where her nap is happening today.

3.15.18 - Laughing with toddlers

It's also laughing at something and your baby laughs too even though she doesn't know what you're laughing at. That happened to me tonight as I was giggling at this video. Jane just kept looking at me and laughing.

Also, tonight Clara sat in front of the washer and took each alphabet magnet off, one at a time, sang a song about it, and then tossed it into the hallway. Jane sat right next to her absent-mindedly playing with the toy mouse, and each time Clara threw a magnet into the hallway, Jane would laugh hysterically. AND it gave me time to clean up the living room uninterrupted, while listening to my daughters sing, laugh, and enjoy each other. Very sweet.

3.14.18 - Happy Pi Day!

3.13.18 - Mom's visit

Mom went back home today. As is often the case I don't have a lot of time to write a whole post about the trip, but it was really enjoyable (and fast) and I want to remember in particular:

1) Mom makes me feel absolutely hilarious because she laughs so easily.
2) I love how she takes pictures and videos of everything. I really like everything to be chronicled and it's nice not to be the only person doing so, and it's also nice to be in the pics and videos with my kids.

It was great to get to see her spend so much time with the girls, and they seemed to really enjoy it too, especially Clara. Very sweet time.

3.12.18 - noms