Showing posts with label lol. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lol. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 22, 2021

9.22.21 - Kid snippets: Clara knows a joke

Clara: I know a joke!
Me: If it's about poop I don't want to hear it
Clara: Nooo! It's not about poop.
Me: Okay
Clara: I know how to spell "mouse." It's M-O-U-S. Now say "What's the last letter?"
Me: What's the last letter?
Clara: A tail!! That's a joke!!

(It's supposed to be "What's at the end?")

Tuesday, June 15, 2021

6.15.21 - Kid snippets: Calvin doesn't come down the stairs

I'm trying to teach the kids that when I say "come here" they need to answer "Coming!" Calvin has picked up on it surprisingly fast.

Just now he was sitting at the top of the stairs to the second floor, and from the first floor Clara called and asked him to come see her. He immediately shouted "COMING! Cwawa! Coming Cwawa!" And then he just sat there.

Me: Buddy, you can't just answer "coming." You also have to actually go see her.
Calvin: Mama! I Cwawa coming!
Me: I know, bud! Now go down the stairs.
Clara: Callllvinnn! Come see meeeee!
Calvin, earnestly: Coming! I coming!! *proceeds to just sit at the top of the stairs*

This cycle repeated at least 10 times (with me laughing more each time) before he finally went downstairs.

Thursday, August 20, 2020

8.20.20 - Kid snippets: Calvin unplugs things

The other day I showed Clara and Jane the chess board we have and tried to teach them the names of the pieces. They both really enjoyed it. Just now Clara said "It's time to do the board game! Of the Chex!"

From 8/17/20 - Clara reviews the cheat sheet I made her


Clara has also suggested that for Jack's birthday we should get him more pieces for the kids' Brio train set.

Jane says "either" instead of "too" and "anything" instead of nothing, eg "What are you doing??" "Anything!"

There are two power strips under the dresser in the kids room. Calvin likes to pull them out and turn them off even though he's obviously not supposed to. The other night I was in the room changing Jane's diaper and so couldn't intervene immediately. Calvin flipped the switch on one of the power strips which turned the light off. I reprimanded him and he turned it back on. Then with a completely serious face and without breaking eye contact with me at all, he slowly moved his hand until he found the other power strip, moved his hand to find one of the major plugs in it, and even as I told him "Don't you do it!" he stared right at me while slowly pulling the plug out. And I 100% could not keep a straight face. I started laughing so hard, so I'm sure now he's going to be pulling plugs out of everything all the time.

The face of a troublemaker.

And then there was this convo:
[Calvin making goofy fussy noises and staring at my Diet Coke]
Me: Calvin you can't have that! That's my drink, you little monkey
Jane: He's not a monkey!
Me: What is he?
Jane: He's a boy!
Me: Oh and what are you?
Jane: ...I'm just anything.

Sunday, August 16, 2020

8.16.20 - Kid snippets: Jane cuddles, Calvin hits me

I laid down on the floor to stretch out, and Jane immediately grabbed a pillow off the couch and brought it over to tuck under my head. Then she got her own pillow and laid down next to me to cuddle. She said in her soft shy voice, "Mama? It fun to lay down." So sweet. Then Calvin crawled over and bashed me in the mouth with a hard plastic toy.

Checking out a puzzle together


Sunday, July 19, 2020

7/19/20 - Kid snippets: Jane puts me "in jail," Clara won't go to sleep

Jane colored a picture I really liked and later I thought she had thrown it away. I didn't see it in the trash and found it among a bunch of papers on the kitchen table. I put it on the top of the tall bookshelf and told the girls I was saving it.

Jane: Nooo! Dat's mine!
Me: Oh do you want it? You can have it [I hand it to her]
Jane: Don't thwow it away!
Me: I'm not going to hon.
Jane: Don't. Don't thow it away Mama!
Me: Babe, I'm not!
Jane: I want to keep it.
Me: I want to keep it too.
Jane: You'll make me angwy.
Me, laughing: Babe, I'm not going to throw it away
Jane: 5 minutes! 5 minutes *in jail*.

And, from about a week ago: Clara is trying to stall going to bed. Jane passed out long ago but Clara keeps getting up. She's allowed to get out of bed to use the bathroom but she's already done that. Since then she's come out to ask if she can eat something, look in the bathroom mirror, draw something, and other activities. When I got her to go back to her room I could hear her get out of bed and stand near the door so I told her to go back to bed. I heard her scamper but to be sure she actually got back in bed I went in the nursery to check. As I was leaving again, she said "Mom? MOM!" Me: "Clara, WHAT?" Her: "...what is gravity?"

Wednesday, April 8, 2020

4.8.20 - Poopy in the poopy jar

Tonight Jack put the girls in the bath tub. I joined everyone in the bathroom so I could give Calvin a sponge bath at the same time. For a moment I got a strong scent of poop and I was afraid one of the girls had gone in the tub, but they hadn't. Checked Calvin's diaper and he was clean too, so maybe it was just a fart. However the incident led me to mimic the "Who took the cookie from the cookie jar?" format and I said something about who let a fart go. The girls thought it was hilarious and quickly adapted it to their own song, which went something like:

Girls: Who took the poopy from the poopy jar? DADDY took the poopy from the poopy jar!
Jack: Who me??
Girls: Yes you!
Jack: Not me!
Girls: Then who?? [And here Jane would dramatically spread her arms, palms facing up, like it was this great mystery]
Jack: MOMMY took the poopy from the poopy jar!
And repeat, with every family member.

The girls squealed with delight and grinned and laughed, and they wanted to repeat the process several times, especially Jane. She even had a little dance to go with it. She thought it was all so funny. Calvin watched amused and mystified.

Fast forward to bed time. Lately I've been singing them each "Baby Mine" most nights before bed. I used to resist doing so every night but that was often when I was exhausted from lab. I also had this vague idea that if I did it every night it wouldn't be special to them anymore, but I've since scrapped that. If they still ask to do it they must enjoy it, and I certainly do.

I actually have started taking a lot of meaning out of it. Once a few weeks ago Clara silently held her arms around my neck the whole time I sang it, and it was quite moving. So now when I do it, I make sure whichever girl whose turn it isn't stays quiet to let me and the girl I'm singing too fully embrace the moment.

Jane always goes first, which they both seem to prefer. Tonight I softly stroked her hair as I sang slowly and she stared up at me. I thought about how quickly they're growing, how sad it is that Scout isn't here, and how glad I am that they still ask me to hold them and sing this, because eventually they won't want me to. It was a solemn bonding moment for me with Jane.

Then it was Clara's turn, but the moment I started singing to her, Jane started softly singing "Who took the poopy from the poopy jar?" It was all I could do not to laugh. I solemnly told her to stop and let me sing to Clara. I started the lullaby over, and I heard Jane mutter under her breath "Who took the poopy from the poopy jar?" I stopped and very sternly told her to quit or I'd smack her hand, but it was all I could do to not laugh and undermine myself. Even after that she muttered very very softly to herself until I was done with the song, then she burst out with normal volume.

Whole this was pretty funny.

Bath pic from about a week prior.

Saturday, January 18, 2020

1.18.20 - Kid snippets: Does Jane have a brain?

Clara was looking at the "mission accomplished" picture series I posted last night of Calvin. I was trying to explain to her that she and Jane and Calvin each started off inside me and then eventually came out. So I looked up a fetal development video online and now she's watching it over and over again and telling us what is happening at each point, ie "There's his hands! There's his nose!"

There's a part in the video where it animates neurons growing and connecting and I told her that's what's happening in the brain. I told her she has a brain in her head and so does Jane. She looked curiously at Jane for a moment and said "Jane, do you have a brain?" Jane glared fiercely at her and protested "Noooo!"


Wednesday, January 9, 2019

1.9.19 - Kid snippets: angry rolling

Jane has started doing this thing where if she's mad she'll fall dramatically to the floor...and then roll angrily across the room.

Sunday, August 12, 2018

8.12.18 - Zoo, Dak, Evanston, and Second City


The night before we had walked by a donut shop with a line out the door called Firecakes. Jack suggested we try it out for breakfast. We got there relatively early, I guess, for a Sunday (perhaps 9am) but there was already a line out the door again. Fortunately it moved quickly and meanwhile Jack looked up the menu online so we could decide in advance. They had a lot of different eclectic flavors. Jack was hoping to get a maple bacon donut but apparently they only serve those at their other location. My favorite part of the shop was the décor. It was very tiny, with no inside seating. There were a bunch of old school hand mixers on the wall, a high ceiling, and a mirror facing the register. There were a whole lot of unique flavors including chocolate peanut butter, pistachio, and even birthday cake (which involved two large donuts stacked and iced together). Jack and I got three donuts between us plus some milk. We sat outside in the nice weather and ate quickly.

Then we headed to the El. At first we were thrown off because the stairs to the station allowed entrance only to those who already had passes. There was no place to buy passes for the day. Eventually we figured out that we had to go into Merchandise Mart (a high-end mall-type multi story shopping area that wasn’t even open yet) and get our tickets there, but fortunately the ticket booths were right next to another entrance to the station. We did a quick video interview about how the day prior had gone while we waited for the train. Once we boarded it was only a couple stops until our exit, but it’s amazing how much walking even a few El stops are worth.

We exited and walked through a quiet residential area with a whole lot of shade from enormous old trees. I really enjoy the way people do landscaping around the trees with short iron fencing around the landscaping. We held hands a lot as we headed toward the zoo. We did pause to put on sunscreen, still managing to not get sunburnt despite being outside so often.

We entered the zoo from the south western side and one of the first animals we saw was a red-orange Alpaca that completely reminded me of Kuzco from Emporer’s New Groove, haha. We saw a few other African animals before making our way to the monkey house and, after that, the gorilla house. I find both very interesting because primates seem so similar to us. Jack and I talked about what it would be like if someday a more advanced lifeform—or our next leap in evolution—showed up and caged us and talked about the primitive way we use “phones” to communicate (“Look they can use tools!”) instead of talking telepathically like this theoretical more evolved species. I also enjoyed reading about the average day for gorills and for chimpanzees. I didn’t know chimps ate meat, and I didn’t know gorillas moved around so much. The zoo had one cage of gorillas that were apparently a typical pack of a male, a few females, and some younger ones. But the zoo also had another cage that was a “bachelor’s group” of gorillas: 3-4 younger males who had not yet settled their own families. At one point one of them ran across the cage and it is truly intimidating seeing how quickly such a giant animal can move.

After the gorillas, though, we were met with less success. None of the wild cats seemed to be out and I just kind of felt sorry for the penguins and polar bears in such hot weather. We did make it to the seals, who seemed quite happy with the environment and were swimming rapidly all around and coming up to say hi. We saw them from above ground but also walked around to see them swimming under water. The area was dark and cool and there were little kids squealing with delight as the seals kept swimming by. That was pretty sweet.

After the seals we went to the reptile house, which I always enjoy. It’s cool and dark and, most importantly, reminds me of the first Harry Potter book, which makes me feel very nostalgic. I think about when Harry himself didn’t know anything about the wizarding world, and the reptile house was one of the events leading to him discovering it. So magical. We saw snakes and lizards and bats, and it was really nice. After that we were kind of tired and decided to head back to the El. Our timing was perfect because as we left the zoo we saw dozens and dozens of loud, uniformed, college football players who apparently were having a scavenger hunt at the zoo that day. More power to them, but I wasn’t sorry to be gone once they took over everywhere.

The walk back to the El seemed short and sweet, and then we struggled to stay awake for several more stops north to an area that included Korean BBQ at Dak. My friend Barry, who used to live in Chicago, recommended this restaurant so we decided to check it out. Sarah Bloch met us there too! She had gotten in town late the night before for a weeklong conference, but she had time to see us since it was Sunday. We ate a lot of large BBQ chicken wings as well as “stone bowls” filled with rice and veggies and eggs. And just for the heck of it, Jack got a regular Coke because he wanted to drink it out of the classic glass bottle. Traitor.

When we were done the three of us pushed even further North to Evantson. We walked a few blocks past old brick buildings of back-to-back shops (none of which I remembered at all) to my old apartment. It was vaguely as I remembered it and I remembered the street too. It was interesting but not exactly nostalgic, given my history there. Then we walked another mile or so to Dewey, my former elementary school. That too was surreal. I was only in Evanston for a year at age 10 so the memories are all a bit hazy. We walked around to the back to see the playground and I dimly remembered lining up to go inside and out, the wooden bleachers (if you can call it that—only 2-3 steps on them) in the corner of the playground, and running the mile in the nearby field. Again, can’t say it was nostalgic per se but it was interesting to think I used to be a child there.

After that Jack found us an El station closer to where we had ended up, and we all took it all the way back to the Loop. On the way there we talked about TV shows we found the most compelling, and they almost all seemed to be scifi or occasionally fantasy. (For example I chose, the first couple seasons of LOST and all of Battlestar Galactica.) We also talked about whether Stranger Things should count as fantasy or scifi and how to even distinguish the two. Finally it was mine and Jack’s stop (Sarah was only one further) so we said goodbye and headed back to the hotel.

We had enough time for Jack to take a brief nap and for us to quickly chat with the girls before hurrying back to El to get to our comedy show: The Second City. We were running behind and I was a little worried they wouldn’t let us in if we were late, but it was no problem. I’d reserved the best seats in the house (seats raised up a step with a rail and counter in front of them followed by a walkway, so no one was sitting directly in front of us), and so even though we were late we still had a great view. I went ahead and ordered an AMF and Jack got a beer with a souvenir glass (cool) and we settled in for the show. It was basically a collection of brief skits and a lot of it was improve. We definitely laughed a whole lot. After the two planned acts the cast had an encore of pure improve, and it not only made us laugh but made them crack up at each other too, which was awesome to watch.

When the entire show was over, we walked right next door for our reservations at 1959 Kitchen & Grill. I got a drink called the Painkiller which I loved—it involved rum and pineapple like so many of my other drinks for the trip, but that one may have been the tastiest and easiest to nurse. It turned out we went during karaoke night. At first I didn’t like that because the place was so incredibly loud, but once they really got it going it was great because everyone who went up there was way into it. I think my favorite performance was likely this lone guy singing “Sweet Transvestite” and walking around the entire restaurant singing directly to different people, most of whom got a big kick out of that. We still didn’t stay terribly late because we were wiped, but it was fun while it lasted. We took the El back home (I managed to stay awake so we wouldn’t miss our station. Jack dozed off for a bit.) Then we got back to the hotel and crashed.

Saturday, August 4, 2018

8.4.18 - Kid snippets, weekend morning with the girls

Getting to spend a weekend morning home with the girls. So far:
I go into the nursery and say "Good morning!" Jane immediately starts smiling and laughing because she is just SO HAPPY to see me. She does this most morning, sometimes smiling before she even opens her eyes.
As soon as Clara gets out of bed she says, in as deep a voice as she can muster (so not very), "Stretchhhhing!" and stands on her tiptoes and raises her arms above her head.
Clara throws her blanket over her whole body and announces "the egg is hatching!" Then I ask "Where's the baby bird?" and she flings her blanket off of herself and throws her arms in the air.
I spoon feed Jane apple cinnamon oatmeal. I make sure to get little bits of apple in each bite and she takes the whole bite. After a few minutes she opens her mouth and lets 5-6 pieces of completely clean apple fall out. She somehow managed to eat all the sugary oats without ever chewing or swallowing any of the apples, then rejected the apples. Lol.

Friday, April 13, 2018

4.13.18 - Farty children

I'm sitting at the kitchen table. Jack is sitting across the room on the couch. Between us, Jane and Clara play in the living room. Jack and I are talking about how we first got together.
Me: You know, I never asked you to date only me.
Jack: I know.
Me: And I never asked you to move to California.
Jack: I know.
Me: You've just been so pushy all this time.
Jack: That's right.
Me: And now look what's between us!
Jack: Farty children.

Thursday, March 15, 2018

3.15.18 - Laughing with toddlers


It's also laughing at something and your baby laughs too even though she doesn't know what you're laughing at. That happened to me tonight as I was giggling at this video. Jane just kept looking at me and laughing.


Also, tonight Clara sat in front of the washer and took each alphabet magnet off, one at a time, sang a song about it, and then tossed it into the hallway. Jane sat right next to her absent-mindedly playing with the toy mouse, and each time Clara threw a magnet into the hallway, Jane would laugh hysterically. AND it gave me time to clean up the living room uninterrupted, while listening to my daughters sing, laugh, and enjoy each other. Very sweet.

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

2.7.18 - Dad is a liar

Yesterday Jack received a package in the mail containing this:




So Jack called Dad and when the phone when to voicemail, Jack left a message saying something like "Hi this is Jack calling for Leo. Leo if you get this message can you give me a call?''

Today--as is the case nearly every day--Dad called me about work-related stuff, and then he said he got a weird voicemail from Jack and he thinks Jack might have called the wrong number. I explained that, no, we received an SSRO letter and trophy, and Dad tried to act like he had no idea what I was talking about. I said "Stop trying, this letter is clearly from you!" When he continued to deny it, I read him the whole letter, especially emphasizing the phrase "My shame runs deep," which is a quote Dad has said many times over the years that's originally from Parker Lewis Can't Lose.

Specifically from Jerry Steiner, the guy on the left.

At this point I could hear Dad smiling over the phone as he explained that he had sold "the rights" (the rights???) to the SSRO to "some guys" and he can't control what they do with that information. I said, "So your argument is that, first of all, there are 'rights' to the SSRO, and that they went to guys who have our address, know Parker Lewis Can't Lose, and sent us a reward?? And a trophy I've seen sitting around at your house?" When he stuck with that story, I suggested he call Jack to explain, and he said "Why should I have to justify what other people do?" "Justify?? Like your reputation is getting sullied with generosity?" He just laughed.

My dad is such a goof.

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

12.27.17 - drinks with David and Sarah

David and Sarah and I met at Llewellyn's in old town St. Charles. We sat at a tall table for 6 near the door but since it was only a Wednesday we weren't taking up needed space. I got a rum and Diet that tasted like almost all rum; David said the same about his gin (don't remember what the drink was supposed to be), so next I ordered a very sweet Moscato and that was much better. All three of us split some soft pretzels, and David ended up paying for everything because, so he claimed, Sarah and I had come all the way to Missouri and it was the least he could do. Very kind.

We had a great time. We got there about 7 and stayed until nearly 11 just talking and laughing so much. I can't remember all of it now but I know we made jokes about exes and the Ghost of Christmas Present leading them to us at that table, laughing hard about old stories. I was definitely crying laughing at several points. At one point it was also a bit somber as I vented to them about Clara's speech issues, but they listened well and I appreciated that, and we still ended up laughign more before the night was over. It's so rare we are all in town together but it would be nice to make it a Christmas tradition.

Thursday, November 30, 2017

11.30.17 - Dad's idea of agreeing

"Seems like most of the time Dad's idea of 'agreeing with me' is that we didn't physically attack him in protest" - Neil

Friday, September 8, 2017

9.8.17 - GET IT

This morning as I was driving the girls to the nanny's, Clara started fussing. To distract her, I pointed at a semi truck we were passing and said "Oh wow! Look at that *big* *truck*!" She repeated "Big truck!" and giggled. Then we spent a while pointing out every big rig in the far right lane as we passed them and saying "Oh wow! Big truck!" And she laughed every time.

Eventually there were no more big rigs in the right lane, so we drove in silence for a moment. Then a large-ish pickup truck passed us and got in front of us, and Clara, delighted, pointed out the "big truck!" I could tell she was impatient for us to pass the truck as we had the other slower trucks before. She pointed out the pickup truck a few more times and then, after a moment of silence, she yelled "GET IT!" and laughed maniacally.

Best part of my day so far.