5.22.21 - Joy status: Jack's nursing job

**Jack has a nursing job.**

Since last September he's applied to perhaps 40-50 positions in California with no response (aside from an occasional generic "position is filled"). He started applying in Missouri about 5-6 weeks ago and on Thursday one of the main hospital networks in the area (SSM) offered him a position! It's in their new grad onboarding program on the medical-surgical unit, which is great because the position (a) involves plenty of training and (b) is more generalized experience, both good for someone starting out. He starts three days after we unload the moving truck!

2.19.21 - Kid snippets: "I will worry about both of us!"

From earlier this week, as relayed to me by Jack:

Jack: Clara, you need to go sit on the potty.
Clara: But you didn't brush your teeth.
J: Those aren't related. Go sit on the potty.
C: You need to brush your teeth!
J: Don't worry about me, worry about yourself!
C: I will worry about BOTH of us!

1.29.21 - Kid snippets: Clara describes hockey

Clara is telling us about the hockey game we are going to go to where we all watch her play.

Clara: And then I will hit the circle that is black!
Me: The puck?
Ciara: Yeah the cup!
Jack: The puck.
Clara: Yeah the puck! And then I will win the goal! And THEN I will get the TROPHY!

12.31.20 - Kid snippets - Clara interested in date night

I told Clara yesterday that Dad and I were going to have a living room date tonight. She wanted me to put the fake yellow roses she got me for Christmas in a vase for our date. She also asked me if Dad and I would kiss at the end of the date. I said maybe. Tonight I read the kids only one story book because, I told them, I wanted them to go to bed so Dad and I could have our date. Clara wanted to first draw me a heart that she could color and cut out and I could use to decorate for our date, but I said no, it's time for bed.

Jack left to pick up our food, and shortly after Clara came out to use the bathroom, then changed her mind, then changed her mind again.

Me: Clara, you better make up your mind because you have to go to bed. I don't want you coming out of your room over and over again for my date. A "date" means Mom and Dad and **no kids**
Clara: Okay, but when I grow up can I have a date?
Me: Yes, you probably can
Clara: Yes and when I grow up and Hunter grows up, we can have a date
Me: We'll see. Go back to bed.

I go into the kitchen for something. Clara pokes her head around the corner to watch me.

Me: Clara, *what are you doing*? I said go to bed!
Clara: But has the date started yet?
Me: No! Hon, Dad left to go get food. Go to bed!
Clara: Ok!

I'm going to make a wild guess here and predict that is not the last time I see her tonight.

Update: Jack and I are now enjoying our dinner and Clara came out to ask if she could see our date. I let her come look and then told her she had to go to bed. She reminded me that I am missing a corsage and I told her that's not for at home dates.

Mine and Jack's Olive Garden at-home New Year's date night

11.12.20 - Joy Status: Elephant Love Medley

The moment in Moulin Rouge's "Elephant Love Medley" when Ewan McGregor friggin belts "WE SHOULD BE LOVERS!" Most of the times I've listened to this song have been just to listen to that moment.

11.2.20 - Kid snippets - political indoctrination

Jack is filling out his ballot and Clara thinks the goal is to say no to every single proposition. So each time he votes yes on something she tries to correct him. Also, he is teaching her to say "No government! You cannot have more money!"

Pic from this morning of everyone adjusting to waking up.

10.23.20 - Joy status: a long list

Joy Inventory:

TikTok put Calvin back to sleep.

• This morning Calvin woke up before everyone else and cuddled on the couch with me for a good 45 minutes--watching TikTok, lol.
• My long work commute gives me time I wouldn't otherwise have to stay in touch with a lot of people I care about.
• Last weekend I got to spend time with Neil and Ellen in person, and it was great. In fact I barely slept (relatively speaking) because I kept staying up late to talk.
• Sarah also got to join us for lots of the weekend. I love how long she's known my family (17 years now!) and how comfortable she is around all of us even though we are so yelly.
• Henry also joined and we played uninterrupted tichu and it was a really close game! 1005-1095 I think. I love close tichu games.
• I felt particularly useful at work yesterday. Good feeling.
• My office area faces a wall of floor-to-ceiling windows and this week when it was breezy leaves would flutter all around me.
• Clara and Jane play pretend together frequently, and I'm so grateful they have each other for company.
• Earlier this week we received some awesome kids Halloween books from Beth and several Halloween shirts, toys, and treats from my beloved in-laws.
• We're going to the pumpkin patch tomorrow with the one family with kids who has been spending time with us these last several months. Really glad we have them to join. Apparently they are also psyched about it.
• Next weekend we are going to "Erin's Halloween Candy Hunt," the event we've been counting down to in this house (literally, with a paper chain) since it was 45 days out. It's basically an easter egg hunt, but Halloween themed. It's going to be great, and it's entirely private so it cannot be cancelled unexpectedly.
• Jack often calorie counts the dinners he makes just for me, so I can better track what I'm eating. Such a sweet gesture.
• Our Director of Operations at work has decided to just...redo the office kitchen? And it's adorable. Lots of new colors and storage, backsplash, etc., feels halfway to a home kitchen. I really like it.
• A few of my friends who have left FB over the years have created a Discord channel for a group of us to keep in better touch, and it's been a great connection and outlet the last few weeks. So glad they thought of it.
• Last night when I pulled into my parking spot, Clara was standing in the nursery window and saw me. She started grinning hugely and as soon as I got out of the car she started shouting hello to me. Very sweet.
• Most nights when I get home from work, I walk in the front door and there is a moment when each of the kids realizes I got home and starts beaming. Calvin usually starts bouncing up and down on his butt reaching up for me to pick him up. Also very sweet.

8.28.20 - Joy status: date night with new respite provider

We have now had a respite care provider for about two and a half weeks and the kids have gotten used to her, so tonight for the first time we left them with her and went on a date. In order to expand outdoor dining, most of the restaurants along the street had set up canopies with additional tables in the street itself (which is currently closed to traffic) as well as cool misters, which felt awesome. There was plenty of space to sit and still be distant from others. But it was also nice to be outside and around other people, even at a distance.

Also once we finally did get home all of the kids were doing just fine and seemed to be enjoying themselves.

Strangely emmpty inside of Burgers & Brew

Street closed to traffic to allow more tables outdoors for the restaurants to use.

After dinner we drove by the (still closed) movie theater and noticed the posters are outdated and worn out. It's bizarre to see it so empty.

8.14.20 - Kid snippets: Calvin stands and beams at Jack

Calvin is starting to try standing up without holding on to anything. The other night I turned the laundry basket upside down to let him pull himself up on it. He very very slowly and carefully stood himself upright. Jack was genuinely impressed; he grinned hugely at Calvin and said "Wow, look!" Calvin beamed with pride and for about 10 seconds they just stared at each other and grinned and grinned. It was adorable and hilarious.

Of course Calvin gingerly lowered himself back down before I could get a picture, but here's a different pic from last night when he was practicing again.

7.6.20 - Joy status: dancing for the girls

Jack moved the coffee table to vaccuum. The open space inspired Clara to ask if we could have a dance party. So we put on a playlist of the kids' favorite songs to dance to and Jane and Clara started twirling around while Calvin held on to the side of the couch and grinned at them. Jack and I started dancing too, and the girls stopped to watch us. When Jack twirled me, Clara clasped her hands together in front of her chin and in a total mom voice said "Awwww."

4.25.20 - Joy status: Thunderstorm date

Date night: to go sushi at a picnic table by the Missouri River.

The best part of the date was watching a thunderstorm rolling in. Midwestern thunderstorms are in my joy inventory.

We coudl tell it was going to start pouring on us soon, so we were sort of speed walking to the car in the warm wind, but we were so happy to experience the thunderstorm rolling in we were kind of giggling about it.

It did start sprinkling on us as we neared the car, which we were very dramatic about. Once in the car we sat for a minute and continued to watch.

We drove a short way and picked up drive thru Dairy Queen, then came back to the riverfront and ate ice cream while it poured all around us. I loved it.

4.19.20 - Joy status: our own playset

We are in Missouri sheltering with my in-laws. The playgrounds are all closed, so they bought a playset for their backyard. Grateful for that, and grateful for Jack and my father-in-law spending the last couple hours putting it together.

4/5/20 - Kid snippets: why does Jack love Clara?

Clara: I love you very much
Jack: I love you too
C: Why?
J: I just do. You don't have to earn it.
C: No, say lots of things
J: You want me to tell you lots of reasons I love you?
C: Yes

3.2.20 - Clara's birthday mini family celebration

I had been out of town since Friday morning in Portland for a pro-life thing. Jack picked me up at the airport with Jane and Calvin in tow. after going home with them to make lunch take care of a few things I went to pick up Clara from school.

When I got there she didn't see me at first, and I stood quietly near the door and watched her play with other kids. It was very reassuring to see how they all got along and how she was part of the group. When she did see me she was excited and announced "Mom, you're back!" She ran up and gave me a big hug and she pointed me out to some of her classmates and said "This is my mom! She's so cool."

As we left the classroom I realized I needed to fill her sippy cup. She showed me where the outside water fountain was and how to use it. It has a little stool for the kids to stand on so they can reach. Then we got in the car and rolled the windows down to enjoy the really nice day outside. As we drove to Safeway I asked her questions about her day and then about her birthday. I asked her what kind of cake she would like; she told me brown. She meant chocolate. She also explained that she would like three presents and that she would want them to be wrapped in wrapping paper that was brown like her shoes and red like her pants and pink like her shirt. I said we'll see.

When we got to Safeway she wanted to carry the reusable shopping bag herself. We went inside and looked at balloons. Originally she picked out two: one for her and one for Jane. But then upon further thought she also picked out one for me and one for Jack, and all of them were colors that matched the clothes we were wearing today. She carried the balloons in her shopping bag over her shoulder and followed me around talking to me about her plans while I looked for gluten-free cake mix. She talked to several passers by who wished her happy birthday. She also very carefully put the balloons on the conveyor belt at check out and then talked to the cashier about the balloons and about our plans. Everyone seemed to think she was adorable, and they're right.

Then we walked to the Dollar Tree, which is adjacent to Safeway, and we picked out a bunch of Paw Patrol stickers for her to take to school tomorrow. We also grabbed a little soccer ball she found on the floor of the aisle and was excited about. She chose a number 5 candle for her cake. It was fun letting her help me get all of the supplies. On the way home she wanted me to keep all of the windows up in the car because she was afraid the balloons would float away (though they were not helium).

Once we got home I made some gluten-free pizza and I added bacon and extra cheese. The kids watched Lady and the Tramp, Jack took care of Calvin, and I started making the cake. While the cake was baking and the kids were occupied I quickly wrapped a few of the presents we've received via mail for Clara. I didn't wrap all of them because I think she will like to have some more to open on the day we actually celebrate when we go to Fairy Tale Town. Jane wasn't as into the movie as Clara was, and kept coming to watch me doing different prep. She was especially interested in watching me wrap the gifts.

When the cake was cooling I started blowing up some regular balloons. Clara picked out one of each color and the girls watched in delighted fascination as I blew each one up. Once they had about six or seven they started trying to make them all fit in the laundry basket or on the red office chair and laughing delightedly as balloons would pop up and float around the room. They had a great time. They are so easy to entertain at this age.

They also helped me with the cakes. I had made two in an attempt to do a double layer but I couldn't get them out of the pan without messing them up, so I decided to just have two small cakes. Clara helped me spread the frosting on each and they both helped me put rainbow sprinkles on each, which means the cakes were "caked" with sprinkles. But it was worth it to watch the girls get excited about decorating.

For most of this prep Jack dozed on the couch with Calvin, which frankly was very helpful because then Calvin wasn't constantly interrupting. They looked so peaceful too.

But by now Calvin was finally waking up so we cleared off the table and put the presents, balloons, and cake on it. We had everyone sit around and we sang Clara "Happy Birhtday."

They enjoyed some cake and then it was time for presents. Clara wanted to hand one present to each of her siblings, which was so sweet. I explained all the presents are for her because it's her birthday. Jane handled it well. Clara was most excited about the snake magnifying glass and she and Jane laughed a lot looking at each other through it for a while.

After all of that I decided to take a shower. Not long after I started, Clara peeked her head in to see what's going on. She and Jane both wanted to join me, so Clara hurriedly took her clothes off, Jack helped Jane with hers, and they both got in the shower with me. I like to take very hot showers and neither of them wanted to be directly in the water but they each had a cup and they stood near me and tried to capture the water running off my elbows or shoulders or hair. They did this the entire time and seemed to really enjoy it. They reminded me of little ducklings following their mother around.

When we were done they came out to the table and ate more cake. At one point Jane was completely naked with chocolate all over her face, and she seemed very happy about both of those facts. Clara was talking to me about how the food goes in her mouth and down into her stomach, so I pulled up a YouTube video for kids about the digestive system and she and Jane watched it at least three times. Before bed Jack and I heard Clara explaining to one of the balloons how her food turns into poop.

Anyway we haven't even done her big celebration yet but she seemed to have a wonderful time. I can't believe that she's 5 years old or that I have been a mother before at least that long. Something about age 5 makes it seem like her younger childood is really over now as she moves into, I don't know--"middle" childhood." But I've enjoyed the baby/toddler phase so much. I'm both nostalgic and sentimental about her very small years already done but also looking forward to continuing to watch her grow. Parenthood is so strange and wonderful.

1.6.20 - Kid snippets: Clara goes back to school

Today is Clara's first day back at school after being off for a couple weeks for the holidays. We got her ready as usual and then I stayed home with Jane and Calvin while Jack dropped her off, but unlike the normal routine, about 15 minutes later I got a video call from Jack. I answered and Clara was sitting in our car clearly nervous. She said she couldn't go to school because she needed to see her mom. I talked to her for a few moments about how she's going to get to play on the playground and ride the double seated bike, and she started grinning. She seemed okay when we disconnected.

I know it won't be long before I won't be able to help her so simply and quickly but I really enjoyed being able to do so this morning.

Later that day coloring a Dumbo coloring page

Jane is fussing because she stepped on something that stuck to her foot. Jack: "Oh, did you step on something?? Welcome to MY world! Do you know how many things I step on on a *daily basis* that shouldn't be there?

From two days earlier - Jane dancing with Baby Rose

12.17.19 - Mine and Jack's top 5 things about 2019

As our Christmas gift to each other, Jack and I went on a leisurely dinner date and told each other our top 5 favorite things about 2019. Hoping to make this a tradition.

Also Jack's voice is shot because Blues games, lol.

11.15.19 - Kid snippets: Calvin coos between eating & Clara just don't do it

After every few sips from his bottle, Calvin will pause to coo a few times, then continue. Jack thinks that, like himself, Calvin does it because he enjoys drinking really cold drinks (his bottles usually come straight from the fridge).

Jack : How many times do I have to tell you not to do that?
Clara: 14 times.
Jack: Okay, well...that's very specific.
Clara: Dad, how many times?
Jack: One time. No, zero times! I shouldn't have to tell you at all.
Clara: ZERO times?! What???
Jack: Yes, the opposite of Nike. Just don't do it!

11.1.19 - Hobby Lobby with the girls

Took the girls with me to look for Halloween/fall decor discounts and they had a wonderful time. They were so excited about all the beautiful crafts and decorations that we ended up walking slowly through the entire store just so they could look. Jane's favorite part was all the fake pumpkins and pumpkin-based decor. Clara's favorite parts were the large artificial Christmas trees and an oversized Rudolph doll.

And while the three of us got out of the house and took our time exploring, Jack got to enjoy some peaceful one-on-one time with Calvin, who basically watched Jack clean and offered emotional support in the form of smiles and coos. And that in turn means *I* got to return to a much cleaner-than-usual apartment.

Oh, plus I bought one new Halloween decoration and a couple things for a Thanksgiving craft I'm making, all for less than $10. So yeah, win for everyone involved. :)

Those red flowers? Hobby Lobby sale.

10.27.19 - Witches Tea and Trunk or Treat

real time notes I took about Sunday (10/27):
Jane didn't wake until 730am, cuddled awhile, I felt nice and awake
pancake breakfast with jack Johnson
Calvin was easy going, happy while we worked in kitchen
Clara used the potty, got ice cream
Girls ate pancakes
Girls got along playing together well
Jack didn't have to get up until 845

Enjoyed making Erin laugh at witches tea
happy to win bingo (twice) and get a cute fall decoration
talked to Neil to and from on the drive

Girls both wanted to be witches for trunk or treat and looked adorable
Clara played several games, Jane even tried a few, but the bouncy house was the big hit
Kept saying 'Get you!' at my girls plus a couple others including little girl with dragon face paint, really fun, laughed a lot
Both girls ate enough pizza dinner to get a piece of candy each for dessert and they were psyched
After they went to bed Jack and I stayed up and sorted gluten-free candy from the rest, Jack googled a lot of candy to make sure and he and I hate most of the gluten candy together

10.26.19 - Pumpkin Patch Day!

This weekend was full of Halloween festivities: Saturday was the Pumpkin Farm followed by painting/carving pumpkins and eating pumpkin seeds. Today I went to the Witches' Tea with Erin and then Jack and I took the kids to Trunk or Treat at Arden Church of Nazarene. I tried to take a lot of pictures and videos, but here are the points I want to remember (some of which we didn't capture):

Pumpkin patch (10/26):
Saturday morning Clara woke up grumpy (possibly because she woke up alone--Calvin and Jane were already in the living room wit me). She joined us with a scrunched up face and when I said "Today is the day we go to the pumpkin patch!" she responded "NO! I don't WANT to go to the pumpkin patch!" Of course later she warmed to the idea. Just a rough start for a little girl.

Jane chose three other previous Halloween-based shirts before we settled on the Nightmare Before Christmas one. I was pretty happy she wanted to wear the "princess skirt" (the gray tulle skirt that had come with Clara's elephant costume) all day. It was adorable. I originally was going to wear my Jack-o-Lantern shirt, but it was a bit too small and definitely too warm. However for the brief time I had it on, it inspired Clara and she too wanted a pumpkin shirt. I tried the black Jack-o-Lantern shirt (which is only 3T) and it just barely fit her. She's had it since 2016.

Henry arrived right on time, of course, but we still had to get the kids ready. We got to the pumpkin patch maybe 10 minutes late, which I am pretty sure is less late than years past so progress.

Unfortunately I'm too tired to write out all the details, but the kids loved basically everything. Clara saw the bouncy castle from the entrance and couldn't wait to get there, but we had arrived just after the place opened and there were literally no other kiddos using the bouncy castle yet. Clara got inside but sat very still and said she couldn't do it. Jane wouldn't even go inside in the first place, but just wanted to watch Clara closely from the safety of the outside. Fortunately the kid who had punched their tickets said they could just come back later when there were more kids to model the behavior for them. In fact staff told us more than once that because we were there so early when it's not busy, we can try some of the attractions more than once or longer than is typical.

I was worried we'd wasted our money buying kids passes for each of the girls (events are $3/person piecemeal but you can save a little money if you get the passes to cover a bunch of events--assuming your kids actually participate in each event). However once Beth, Jake, and Hunter arrived, Hunter also couldn't wait to go in the bouncy castle and he got Clara to join too. At this point there were only 2-3 other kids so it was not at all crowded or too intimidating. Clara watched Hunter closely and soon was bouncing around herself, and he even got her to go down the bouncy castle slide. One of my favorite things about this entire day was watching what good buds Hunter and Clara are. <3

Jane saw Clara enjoying herself and eventually decided it was probably safe for her too. She went inside and even though she never actually stood up or tried to bounce at all, she seemed to love the feeling of everyone bouncing around her because she was not a quiet girl: loud squeals of sheer delight over and over.

Normally one ticket is supposed to be 6 minutes in the bouncy castle, but because there were so few people around he let us stay indefinitely, so the girls enjoyed it at least 15 maybe 20 or more minutes.

When we took both the train ride and the hay ride, Henry ran ahead to get a bunch of pictures of us approaching. The kids would get excited to see him and wave at him. We joked that he's even faster than a train because he could easily run alongside it. When the train circled back and we were disembarking, Clara darted off back toward the bouncy castle and Henry was quick enough to catch her before she got too far away from the group. So helpful having him around.

--This is as far as I got recording everything when it actually happened, and now it's a month later so I'll write what I can remember.--

Erin, Jake, and I took the kids (except Calvin) on a hay ride and they loved it. It was slightly longer and a slightly different route than the train ride, and it included an intercom recording explaining a lot of the weird and creepy statues around the pumpkin patch and what they were supposed to be.

When we finished we went over to the actual collections of pumpkins. Henry grabbed a wagon and I told the girls we could pick one large pumpkin (to carve) and two small ones (to paint). But they basically just kept choosing pumpkins and adding them to the wagon as I kept removing the extra ones. That lasted a while, then I let them actually get in the wagon (with the pumpkins we settled on) and I pulled the wagon while Jack pushed the stroller and we all caravanned to the corn maze. I pulled them through that for awhile. I think around there is when Jake, Hunter, and Beth joined us. Hunter also got in the wagon to be pulled around the corn maze.

After not too long we emerged in a playground made largely of haystacks but also with a few slides and tunnels and things. The kids loved it. There was even a small house made of hay stacks and corn stalks that they kept running through - it was just right for their height. There were also some fenced in chickens they were checking out.

By now we had actually been at the patch for over two hours, a record, and I was getting tired and figured Jane would need a nap soon.  So we went and bought our pumpkins (plus a mini pumpkin for baby Calvin) and got our now traditional family photos in front of the Pumpkin Farm sign. Then we drove home and, amazingly, the girls didn't fall asleep.

When we got home I tried to get Jane to take a nap but she was genuinely too wound up. She didn't throw a fit or anything, she just hung out in her room awake and after 20 minutes I let her come back out. Jack scooped the large pumpkin and then found a pumpkin seed recipe involving olive oil and Parmesan that was excellent. Meanwhile we set the girls up to paint their pumpkins but Jane actually only wanted to color hers with crayons. It really didn't work at all but she seemed happy with it and it was a lot less messy than paint, so okay. Clara did paint her pumpkin a bunch of different colors and it turned out really well, like a tye dye pumpkin.

I carved the larger pumpkin Jack had scooped, and the girls were pretty interested in watching me. When I was done we went ahead and lit a real candle so they could check it out, and Henry helped teach Clara how to blow the candle out. She was very excited.

We spent the rest of the evening just hanging out. Henry went to get Costco pizza for us and frozen gluten free pizza for the girls, but Costco was so packed we had already put the girls to bed before he returned. (After we kissed them good night, they told us "Happy Halloween!" So adorable.) We still enjoyed pizza and visits with him before he had to leave.