3.10.18 - Clara's 3rd Birthday Party

First of all, the day started off wonderful because we got Clara's tTG-IgG results back and she is in normal range for the first time since her Celiac diagnosis. So I was elated about that.

The girls woke up happy and for a little while, Clara, Jane, and I hung out on Clara's bed. Clara pointed to one stuffed animal at a time and said, for example, "Gray Mouse sleep?" Then I would tuck Gray Mouse under the Marauder's Map blanket next to Clara and we'd pretend he was snoring, and then she'd ask for another. At the peak she had Gray Mouse, Cat, her sippy cup, Elephant, and Bobo all tucked in to "sleep" with her.

Jane kept trying to grab the sippy cup and other animals even if I gave her different toys to play with. She and Clara often are most interested in the specific toy the other is playing with, haha.

Jack and I got the girls dressed in their matching "Happy Birthday" shirts that (I believe) Beth had bought for them. I was hoping Jane would take her "I've been up for an hour and now need a morning nap" nap on time so she would wake up on time and we could get to the train museum (technically the Northern California Railroad Museum) early. But Jane didn't want to go to sleep. Eventually I let her cry it out and after about five minutes she passed out. 

By then Mom had arrived and she and Clara and I visited. Clara ate Cocoa Pebbles (and got them everywhere) and we listened to Spotify and I tried to clean up the apartment more in anticipation of Renata coming to visit later in the afternoon. 

Clara just hanging out in the laundry basket while we cleaned up.

Jane slept longer than she typically does in the morning, and I actually went in and woke her up near 11am. I fed her one more time and then we all got ready to leave for thet rain museum. I put on Clara's shoes and coat before the rest of us were completely ready, which means she stood as close as possible to the front door holding her blanket and sippy cup and continually looking over her shoulder wondering why we weren't leaving yet. It was pretty cute.

It didn't take us long to get to old town Sacramento, and Mom paid the $10 for parking so we wouldn't have to worry about leaving the museum to feed the meter or move the car. We brought the double stroller with us. I love that thing. Clara can see just fine from the front seat and it makes it a lot easier to move the girls around. 

There is a decent sized train in the lobby when you first walk in and wait to buy tickets. Certainly the train is vastly bigger than any toy train we have, and Clara was pretty interested in it. I didn't realize, though, how humongous the trains are in the actual museum. The first room you walk into has a very high ceiling nad is designed to look like a mountain area. Clara was pretty impressed with the huge black engine--and when I learned the engine was one of the originals from the first California railroads, I was pretty impressed too. 

We walked past several large trains until we got to the part of the museum where you can actually go up into the cars and look outside. We checked out a mail car and a car from the "bullet train" from the 1960s. We also looked at the inside of (I think) an oil engine, which had a flickering orange light where the fire box would be. Clara was very interested in that. 

Sitting together on the Bullet Train.

There was one train that had a row of telephones receivers hooked up next to it; you could pick them up and listen to a recording of the information about the train. I think that's the first time in Clara's life she's seen an old school telephone headset (as opposed to cell phones). She tested it out but if she put her ear to the earpiece, the mouthpiece was too far from her face, and vice versa. She kept moving her face back and forth to try to fit it to the phone, haha.

Once we had finished exploring the ground floor we realized our map said the third floor has a whole kids section. That was easily the best part of the museum. There was a beautiful and elaborate trainset with at least four trains running in different directions on different levels. It had several bridges and tunnels and a hot air balloon. Clara stared at it for a very long time, which was fine with me because I enjoyed checking out all the detail. It reminded me of Grandpa Benoist and I thought about how much he would have enjoyed that set and this museum trip with us. <3

Clara was reluctant to leave the set until she saw all of the kids train sets (set up at kid-height tables) in the next part of the museum. There was also an electric Thomas the train running on a relatively small track that had a big plastic bubble in its center. Kids could crawl under the table and stand up in the bubble to watch the train run around them. Clara loved that too. 

After she watched the Thomas train for a quite a while she emerged and played with the toy (Brio) train sets too.

By now we had been at the museum about two hours and I was tired and I could tell both girls were tired. We packed them up to head home. On the way out we stopped by the gift store and got a penny pressed as a souveneir. We let Clara hold it as we went back to the car.

It wasn't five minutes after buckling the girls in that they both passed out on the way home. And, amazingly, they stayed asleep as we moved them into the apartment: Clara slept in her jacket on her bed, and Jane slept in the carseat in our room, both for over an hour.

During that quiet time Mom baked the gluten free birthday cake and I went through a bunch of my photos for Facebook. Renata texted to say she was running a bit late, which actually works out fine because it gave the girls more quiet time to nap. Jane finally woke up and I nursed her, and then Clara woke up and had time to recover from napping all before Renata got there.

Renata and her dog Mia arrived just as we were putting candles in the cake. Renata had brought another present as well as a mylar balloon that said "Happy Birthday!" Clara was overwhelmed with excitedment to suddenly have a balloon and a dog in the apartment. Jane was also fascinated by Mia.

We sang Happy Birthday but kind of softly and mostly to the cake, as opposed to Clara, so she wouldn't feel put on the spot. (Last year during my birthday I held Clara in my lap while just Erin, Rachel, and Jack sang Happy Birthday, and Clara still cried. Too much pressure, I guess.) Clara didn't understand blowing out the candles so I did it for her. Then she asked to do it again...and again watched as I did it for her, haha. But she certainly understood getting to eat cake and was happy to do it. So was Jane.

Clara still doesn't really get presents. She knows what they're called but she hasn't made the connection that (1) she is allowed to rip the wrapping paper off and (2) there's usually something pretty fun and exciting inside. She was more interested in playing with each gift after she opened it than in moving onto the next gift, but that's actually kind of nice. We opened about half the gifts and then let her play with them for a while before opening the rest. Beth got her a Minnie Mouse that has snap on dresses and shoes, and Clara was pretty interested in that. She was also happy to stack her new ASL ABC blocks from Jama. Don & Merlene got her a Brio trainset, and Jack set it up on the coffee table. Clara was very into it. But the prize toy, for sure, was the electric trainset Renata brought. Jack set that one oup on the kitchen table (it just fit) and Clara sat and watched it go round for quite a while. At one point I grabbed a few finger puppets from the bath toys and put them in one of the train cars, and Clara gave an excited "Oh ho ho!" Adorable. 

Jack went out and bought food to make a green salad and bake some gluten free pizza, and we all had dinner together. It was great visiting with Renata. She has just last week moved back to the bay area to try a new (challenging) job, and she's nervous, but I am really happy to have her closer by again. I hope she manages to visit semi-regularly, that would be great. While we talked Jane and Clara kept wandering after Mia, who wasn't too sure how she felt about all the attention. Once we had Jane in her high seat and Clara eating pizza, though, (which she loved) Mia did better. She's a pretty sweet dog. Pretty quiet.

Suddenly I realized it was 8:30 based on how much Jane was rubbing her eyes. I have to say Jane was great the entire day--never very fussy, just along for the ride. I went and nursed her down and she passed out in our bed. Renata and Mia headed out, Mom changed Clara into pajamas, and we all hung out a bit longer and visited and cleaned up somewhat. When I went to put Clara to bed she gave me a very long hug, and I rocked her back and forth and thought about how I can't believe it's already been three years since she was born, and how it will be a blink of an eye before she's 13 and then 23. It's bittersweet to think of, but it was wonderful to realize for now she's still my little toddler that I can hold in my arms and cuddle. I love her so much.

So yeah, it was a pretty great birthday.

3.10.18 - Clara's TTG IgG markers

3.10.18 - Kid Snippets

On 3/9/18 Clara was going through all her bingo picture cards and singing a made up alphabet song in the form of "[Letter] is for [noun]" such as "Z is for Zebra." At first I thought she knew the beginning letters of each word because she had heard some of them in other alphabet songs (Z is for Zebra and F is for Fish are pretty common). Then I realized she was also getting the correct first letter for words that I'm pretty sure she hasn't heard sung elsewhere, such as T is for Tree. I watched her more closely and realized she was picking up each card and looking at the word on the back (all in lower case letters) to figure out which letter each word started with! I was really impressed at her cleverness. What a smartie.

Very early this morning (3/10/18) I brought Jane into our bed to nurse. I was nursing her from my right side, meaning it was Jane, then me, then Jack in bed. He spooned me and she rested an arm across my chest while she fed, and it was just a very cuddly family. By the time Jane finished nursing and passed back out, I actually felt pretty awake, but I decided to just lie there and enjoy both of their cuddles for a quiet moment, and it was pretty nice.

Clara has realized that there are more books (the non-board "big kid" books) on the bookshelf in the living room. Now she regularly goes to the bookshelf, examines the options, and pulls a variety of books out to read. This is delightful because for a long time she wanted to read only the same 2-3 board books, and now she has moved on not only from those particular books but from board books in general. The shelf with the "big kid" books is just at her height so she can easily look them over and pull a book off the shelf. Even as I type this she is turning the pages to "One Fish, Two Fish" as she listens to a reading of it off Youtube. I really love how much she loves books.

In the last few weeks Jane and Clara have gotten a lot more interactive. This morning (3/17/18) Jane woke up about an hour and a half before Clara. I kept Jane busy mostly by holding her in my lap and handing her toys while I worked on my laptop, but it still required a lot of attention and she would get bored easily. When Clara woke up, I brought Jane into the nursery and she was so happy to see Clara awake. I put her on Clara's bed and she waved her arms up and down and made excited coos and then crawled toward and sort of onto Clara. I could tell Clara wasn't sure how to feel about it. She was kind of smiling but also pulling away. But overall she seemed happy to see Jane too. Then they both played in the nursery (separately from but near each other) for probably more than half an hour. Jane was perfectly content to entertain herself as long as Clara was also nearby. So adorable (and helpful!) I hope they grow to mostly enjoy each other's company and be good friends.

3.8.18 - Jack's cooking

3.3.18 - Happy Birthday, Clara!

My big 3-year-old over the years. Such a little love.

Clara's third year.

3.1.18 - Safe and warm

For some reason I was extra exhausted last night and struggling to stay awake from about 8:30 pm onward. Jane was not tired. Eventually I decided she would have to either play in her crib or cry in her crib until she went to sleep because I was too tired to keep an eye on her safely. The first joy of this post is that I put her in her crib and she just smushed her face into her blanket, cooed a little, and then fell asleep. That is perhaps the second time in her life that has happened.

So I went to bed by 9:30 pm (Clara fell asleep very early because she had been up since 5 am with only an hour and a half nap). The second joy of this post was that Jane didn't wake up to nurse until about 5 am. That is 7.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep for me! I felt so rested it took me a while go to back to sleep after nursing her. 7.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep is worth more than like 9 hours of interrupted sleep, in my opinion.

But at 5 am, while I was nursing Jane, it was raining really hard outside and the wind was blowing, and it sounded very cold and wet. I actually love that weather. And I listened to the wind and rain and watched Jane, mostly asleep, nursing, and thought about Clara all snuggled in her big girl bed with her Maruader's Map blanket, and I felt incredibly fortunate and grateful that I'm able to keep my children safe and warm.

Parenthood has introduced a much higher level of vulnerability to my life. Caring about the wellbeing of my children is much different than caring about the wellbeing of anyone else I know, including myself. And I know there are countless parents with countless struggles with their children. There is plenty in my life I'd like to change and improve upon, but when I think about the big picture this way, I feel humbled and grateful for all that Jack and I have.

2.28.18 - February joy statuses

2.28.18 - "This is how far we've come."

The World Economic Forum had an article taking a slightly longer view of human progress, and it was so encouraging. You can read the full article and details here, but I'm just going to repost (some of) the graphics.

2.24.18 - Baby laughs along

2.23.18 - Jane smooshes her face into her blanket

2.19.18 - More kid snippets

Whenever we read "But not the Hippopotamus" Clara gets so excited for the end when I enthusiastically proclaim "But YES the hippopotamus!" She grins hugely and clenches her fists like she does and once I say it she giggles and giggles.

Clara tucks Hobbes and Bobo in to go to sleep.

Jack is usually the one to put Clara to bed lately (while I nurse Jane to sleep in the other room), and he always says "Good night, girl" right before shutting the nursery door, so now Clara says that too. As he's about to shut the door her little voice pipes up "Good night, girl!" So cute.

Making a pretty impressive train.

Three nights ago as I was working at the dining room table, Jane crawled underneath the table and happily hung out there for 15-20 minutes just lying on her back kicking and looking up at everything.

Having a great time just hanging out under the table.

I sat on the living room floor while Clara sat in my lap and we read books. When each book was finished she would jump up and run to the bookshelf to pick out another. We probably read five books. Up until recently she wouldn't let me read anything to her; she only wanted to read them herself. But lately she says "Sit down" meaning she wants me to sit on the floor. If I do, she sits in my lap and waits for me to read the book. So that's been pretty wonderful.

Jane tagged along when we were reading both on the living room floor and when we moved to Clara's bed to keep reading. Jane just sat near us and kind of bounced around, happy to be part of the action. After I put Clara to bed I tried to nurse Jane to sleep, but she wasn't tired. So I held her in my arms and she got very excited about the calendar on our bedroom wall. She stared intently at it and cooed and tried to touch it. Her coos are absolutely adorable.

Last night I gave Clara a bath. She sang as best she could to some of her Youtube videos while she played with all her plastic boats. She also has a plastic elephant that you can dip in the water and then set on the side of the bath and the water pours out his trunk. She loves that. For a first tonight she did decently with me putting soap on her. It may have helped that I told her in advance "Okay, I'm going to put some on your tummy" etc. to warn her. She seemed very nervous but handled it well. Still doesn't like having water poured even on the very back of her head though. It makes it hard to get all the shampoo out but I guess there are worse problems. She kept singing her songs about emotions, and even as we were drying her off and getting her dressed she sang the Patty Shukla song "Feelings," only when she sings the chorus she sings, "Beeling! Beelings! Beelings that I show! Beelings that Iiiii knowwwwww!" and it is incredibly cute.

2.17.18 - Lunch in Vacaville

Today I went to Vacaville to meet Rachel halfway (and Erin in town) so we could take Rachel to lunch for her birthday.

Unfortunately there was an accident on the highway, so GPS told me to take a much longer (but in this case faster) roundabout way.

But it turns out the route was through pretty beautiful country side with big sprawling fields and barns and everything. There were not many cars at all. It was a beauitful day: blue skies, comfortable temps. I even had to stop to let a train pass.

I also talked to Julie nearly the whole drive there, which made the time go by faster and made me feel I was making good use of that time. (In my mind, my never-ending to do list includes keeping up with my siblings and other people I'm close to.) We talked a lot about our marriages and heterosexual relationships in general and the book she recentl finished reading: Boys Adrift.

I pulled into the parking lot near the Thai restaurant just as Rachel and Erin were each doing the same. The restaurant we picked is apparently very popular and had a 30 minute wait, so we decided to use that time to take Rachel's dogs for a quick walk (she had brought them with her from the bay area) and maybe get some Starbucks. The Starbucks was in walking distance but not in range of the little buzzer we had to let us know when it would be our turn to be seated, so Erin stayed in range with the dogs and Rachel and I walked a little further. It gave us a chance to talk more and catch up and I enjoyed that.

The Starbucks was in a Safeway and the poor barista was the only one there so she had to ring people up and then stop and make their drinks. So the whole thing actually took forever but Rachel and I were talking so much I hardly noticed. I got an iced mocha in time for us to go directly back to the restaurant to sit to eat, but that was fine with me.

The food was delicious and in huge quantities. I ate part of mine (a chicken pineapple thing) for lunch and later at the rest for a filling dinner. We also had great conversations about relationships and traveling and work. We were there a while, in a corner booth. It was very pleasant.

Afterward there was another accident on the highway (come on people) so I talked to Neil most of the way back, which was satisfying if not specifically "enjoyable" because mostly we were venting about politics. Still it was good to talk to him. Anyway most weekends I try to catch up on domestic stuff and get some more work done, so it was nice to have a day off to do something fun.

2.14.18 - Renata is moving back north

(Pic actually taken in mid-March)

2.14.18 - Terrible Valentines

2.10.18 - Cherry Mocha

2.9.18 - Joys from strangers

2.7.18 - Dad is a liar

Yesterday Jack received a package in the mail containing this:

So Jack called Dad and when the phone when to voicemail, Jack left a message saying something like "Hi this is Jack calling for Leo. Leo if you get this message can you give me a call?''

Today--as is the case nearly every day--Dad called me about work-related stuff, and then he said he got a weird voicemail from Jack and he thinks Jack might have called the wrong number. I explained that, no, we received an SSRO letter and trophy, and Dad tried to act like he had no idea what I was talking about. I said "Stop trying, this letter is clearly from you!" When he continued to deny it, I read him the whole letter, especially emphasizing the phrase "My shame runs deep," which is a quote Dad has said many times over the years that's originally from Parker Lewis Can't Lose.

Specifically from Jerry Steiner, the guy on the left.

At this point I could hear Dad smiling over the phone as he explained that he had sold "the rights" (the rights???) to the SSRO to "some guys" and he can't control what they do with that information. I said, "So your argument is that, first of all, there are 'rights' to the SSRO, and that they went to guys who have our address, know Parker Lewis Can't Lose, and sent us a reward?? And a trophy I've seen sitting around at your house?" When he stuck with that story, I suggested he call Jack to explain, and he said "Why should I have to justify what other people do?" "Justify?? Like your reputation is getting sullied with generosity?" He just laughed.

My dad is such a goof.

2.4.18 - Family Time

Today is Superbowl Sunday, which actually means it was a great day to spend time out and about with my family--everyone else was at Superbowl parties, I guess.

Jack dropped the girls off at Beth's in the morning and I managed to get just enough work in to negate the childcare costs. Then he and I went for sushi in Folsom (so we'd be nearby to pick the kids up), and the place we chose was almost completely empty. We sat at the bar and got immediate service. Maybe for the first time in my life I was smart enough to order only two sushi rolls. I always forget how big sushi rolls are or how full I am after eating them and I always order too much. Not this time! I got two sushi rolls and Jack got a bento box and we split them and it was delicious. We chatted about politics and my very interesting conversation with Kale last night (he and Henry and Erin had come over for Tichu and then he and Henry stayed super late just talking with me). Anyway it was a very nice lunch date.

Clara points out the parrot.

We finished earlier than we needed to pick up the girls, who were still having their afternoon naps at Beth's. So we ran over to Starbucks, got frappuccinos for dessert, and enjoyed them while popping into the Dollar Tree for cheap sunglasses. Then we went and got the girls, both of whom were surprised and delighted to see us. I love that.

Seeing a deer very up close.

We drove the two miles or so to the Folsom Zoo Sanctuary, and it was excellent! Even though it's February it was about 70 degrees out; couldn't have asked for better weather. And either because it's February or because it's Superbowl Sunday (or both) there was hardly anyone there. It was very spacious and clean. I love the boardwalks they've built. And almost all of the animals were easily visible in their cages--some of them very close! In fact--just as I remember from childhood--they had peacocks roaming free around the zoo. They are so beautiful and it was cool to get to see them so close. I also liked how they had plaques at every cage explaining the animal's name and some trivia about him or her. Jane had no idea what was going on but seemed to be happy about it anyway, and Clara seemed to really enjoy it. So did Jack and I.

My height compared to a bear.

Jack's length compared to a bear.

After we'd gone through the whole zoo we decided to walk over to the adjacent playground. Obviously all the equipment is different than 20-25 years ago, but it's the same layout I remember from childhood, including the stadium next to it where we went to watch rodeos during the fourth of July. It was so surreal to be taking my own children to the same area.

Clara and Jane really enjoy the peacock photo set up.

Jack played with Clara on the playground, starting with the little kids area (which included rocking horses and "big kid" swings, and moving to the bigger kids area and even to the steeper slides. I enjoyed just relaxing on the park bench and cuddling Jane while she checked out mine and Clara's bottles, the pattern of the bench, and all the kids, parents, and pets running around. It was really relaxing and fun.

Jane is very interested in my phone.

Great video of Clara going down the big slide.

2.3.18 - Tichu, nachos, and good talks

Sadly I don't have time to write this entry in as much detail as I'd like, but today Kale, Henry, and Erin came over for a nacho potluck and Tichu. Joys include Kale adding a flippin' ton of bacon and ground beef to the nachos, Erin bringing gluten free chocolate chip cookies, Henry playing "Sleeep...WAKE UP!" with Clara, and Jack getting super psyched when he and Kale came back from a major point deficit and won Tichu (one turn after getting a Grand Tichu).

But beyond all that was the 2 hours or so after Erin left and Clara went to bed when Kale and I talked in detail and earnestness about topics such as whether humans have value and where morality comes from (especially if you're a secularist, as he and I both are). Henry sat quietly and listened the whole time (and told me later he found it interesting and definitely wasn't bored, haha). Kale and I didn't see eye to eye on many things but one of my all time favorite aspects of Kale is how readily he will admit when he's unsure of an assertion or when he thinks I have a point. Debating with him is unlike debating with almost anyone else I know because it's so sincere and no one seems to really be trying to win (okay, maybe I still try a little). Even though we disagreed on a lot--including ideas that are very important to me--at the end of the conversation I felt maybe closer to him than ever, and I felt a deep affection for both him and Henry for being interested in talking through these sorts of topics with me. So above everything else, tonight my joy inventory includes my friendships with those guys.