For some reason I was extra exhausted last night and struggling to stay awake from about 8:30 pm onward. Jane was not tired. Eventually I decided she would have to either play in her crib or cry in her crib until she went to sleep because I was too tired to keep an eye on her safely. The first joy of this post is that I put her in her crib and she just smushed her face into her blanket, cooed a little, and then fell asleep. That is perhaps the second time in her life that has happened.
So I went to bed by 9:30 pm (Clara fell asleep very early because she had been up since 5 am with only an hour and a half nap). The second joy of this post was that Jane didn't wake up to nurse until about 5 am. That is 7.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep for me! I felt so rested it took me a while go to back to sleep after nursing her. 7.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep is worth more than like 9 hours of interrupted sleep, in my opinion.
But at 5 am, while I was nursing Jane, it was raining really hard outside and the wind was blowing, and it sounded very cold and wet. I actually love that weather. And I listened to the wind and rain and watched Jane, mostly asleep, nursing, and thought about Clara all snuggled in her big girl bed with her Maruader's Map blanket, and I felt incredibly fortunate and grateful that I'm able to keep my children safe and warm.
Parenthood has introduced a much higher level of vulnerability to my life. Caring about the wellbeing of my children is much different than caring about the wellbeing of anyone else I know, including myself. And I know there are countless parents with countless struggles with their children. There is plenty in my life I'd like to change and improve upon, but when I think about the big picture this way, I feel humbled and grateful for all that Jack and I have.
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