If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

--If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it. Chuck Norris can hear everything. Chuck Norris can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.
--Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
--As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
--Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
--In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.
--Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris."
--For Chuck Norris, every street is "one way". HIS WAY.
--The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
--Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
--When Chuck Norris sneeze, he don't say "Atchoo" he says "DIE EVERYONE!!!". That's what happens next.

Black tears.

Very Olympic.

We only gave her the shirt after all the events were over.

I found more:

--Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
--Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
--Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
--Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
--Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Jeep.
--Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley.
--Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the f*** Chuck Norris is.
--Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
--Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.

3.7.09 - Pumpkin Pie Pudding

Ingredients:
2 1½ oz. packages of sugar-free vanilla pudding
1 cup of Vanilla Soy Milk (or Fat Free milk)
1 can pumpkin mix
Pumpkin Pie Spice

Directions:
In a large bowl, pour both packages of pudding, milk, and 2 cups of pumpkin mix.
Stir to consistency.
Add Pumpkin Pie spice to taste.
Optional: add fat-free Reddi whip cream.

Tomato Basil Soup

4 cans of stewed tomatoes, drained

1 can tomato sauce

Bring to a boil in a large sauce pan, then let simmer for roughly 30 minutes. Blend in a blender or food processor until smooth.

1/2 cup basil leaves, chopped

1 cup fat-free milk

4 oz fat-free cream cheese, softened

Add tomato mix and above ingredients back to large sauce pan, cook on medium heat until smooth. Add salt and pepper to taste (I added sort of a lot of pepper, nice and spicy).

Got about 18 calories/oz.

Lower Calorie Banana Bread

Note: Normally prepared banana bread is, apparently, roughly 90 calories/oz even without nuts.

Preheat oven to 350.

Mix:
4 bananas, mashed up
2/3 cup fat-free milk
2 teaspoons sugar-free vanilla syrup (note: 4 teaspoons of vanilla extract instead adds 1.3 calories/oz at the end)
2 tablespoons Smart Balance Buttery Spread, melted

Separately, mix:
2 2/3 cups wheat flour (white flour is same calories, just not as good for you, apparently)
1 cups Splenda
2 tsps baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt

Mix two sets of ingredients together
Spray non-stick cooking spray on two ~5" x 9" baking pans
Split mix evenly into each
Bake ~ 50 mins or until center is set

Overall, slightly less than 50 calories/oz.