7.7.19 - Sisterhood

Last night when it was time to read stories, instead of sitting on the in my lap or on the floor next to me, Jane very slowly and carefully climbed the ladder to Clara's top bunk. To my knowledge she's never done this before. Clara was very excited about it and soon joined her. I stood up and read them the rest of Very Hungry Caterpillar, which they half listened to while they also explored the very many books and toys that have accumulated on Clara's bed.

When I finished the book I just leaned against the bunk bed and watched them play together. They were doing so well I didn't really want to have them go to bed just yet. They pointed out objects in books and counted together (mostly Clara). At one point Clara pretended to have some pizza (what we'd had for dinner) and offered some to Jane, and Jane pretended to take it out of Clara's hand and eat it. Clara said "Isn't it so yummy?" and Jane very enthusiastically responded "YES!" It's delightful to see them both playing together, especially pretend play that they both seem to understand. I even thought about letting them both just stay up there as I think Clara would actually love to have a "sleepover" with Jane, but I doubt Jane can handle climbing down the ladder yet and decided not to risk it. Either way, though, it was so sweet watching them so excited to be on the top bunk sharing things together.

Then today Jane was watching a Youtube video of the ASL alphabet and she kept wanting me to start it over for her. I showed her that if she presses "0" she can start it over herself, but of course she didn't immediately understand. Clara saw me trying to explain it and took over the tutor role. She would grab Jane's hand and put Jane's finger on zero. A few times Jane tried it and accidentally hit 9, which starts the Youtube video 90% through, so Clara would exclaim "Nooo! Zero, hit zero Jane!" and help Jane again. It didn't take Jane long at all to understand and then each time she successfully restarted the video Clara would congratulate her. "Good job, Jane!" Very sweet older sister functioning.

7.4.19 - Sacramento 4th of July

Today was excellent.

Day started off rough as I was bummed that we had no specific plans. We spend too many days when the girls are home just hanging around the apartment and I think Clara is more than old enough now to get excited about holidays. There were no kids events at the local park that often has holiday stuff (e.g. they had an Easter egg hunt in April). We weren't sure if fireworks would work out as they don't start until 9:30pm and the girls are usually asleep by 8:30 at the latest. We had invited some friends to visit but it fell through. Etc.

But then I decided if nothing else we could at least do our own family picnic. Both Jack and I were off work, which is rare. So I ran to Safeway and got gluten free Kettle chips, hot dogs, and nectarines. We already had gluten free strawberry ice cream at home. We got the girls dressed (in red and blue, of course) and went to the rose garden in McKinley park.

Jane kept asking me to fix her sunglasses and then immediately pulling them back down.

We got there before 11am, meaning it was not even hot out yet, actually quite nice. We sat in the shade of one of the giant palm trees and enjoyed the food. I even bought $1 plates and napkins with American flags on them.

When the girls were done eating, they started running around the garden chasing each other or Jack or having him chase them. There was almost no one else there except, we later learned, the all-volunteer gardeners who keep the roses blooming. So there was plenty of space for the girls to run around, and Jack was good sport keeping up with them. In my 8th month of pregnancy, I'm not doing a lot of running. I was happy to just watch over our picnic supplies.

L: watching trash truck; R: back to eating ice cream cone with a spoon

We took the girls home and Jane went down for a nap pretty easily. I took the opportunity to nap too while Jack half dozed on the couch and Clara watched DinoTrucks (or something) on Netflix. Once I woke up (not long after Jane), Jack took a turn taking a real nap and I hung out with the girls while we watched Super Simple Songs and ate more of the picnic food. We also danced a bit, per Jane's request, which was pretty sweet. Actually I kind of stood in one spot snapping my fingers and the girls ran excitedly in circles around me. But that works.

After Jack woke up he went out and bought gluten free popcorn and seasoning, came home and made a huge paper shopping bag full of popcorn. Meanwhile we watched the Incredibles in the background, which is such a great movie. Jack and I were enjoying it probably at least as much as the girls.

Then we headed out again, this time to CalExpo because apparently admission is free to see their fireworks. We parked a bit away, next to a Hobby Lobby, and put the girls in the stroller to walk over to the Expo. We actually got surprisingly good spots: the fireworks are shot from a race track and while the stands were pretty fully, the actual dirt race track had more room, presumably because most people don't want to sit in the dirt. But we'd brought a blanket so it was fine. We spread out, ate our popcorn, listened to live music, and waited for the show to start.

This wait was one of the best parts of the day as Jane and Clara were so excited. I don't think they were even totally sure what they were excited about, especially not Jane, but there were so many people around and the music was so lively and everyone seemed in a good mood, so they were just dancing and stomping and, best of all, every now and then Clara would stop, pump both her fists in the air, and yell "YEEESSSS!" I started letting her know when there was less than 15 minutes until fireworks and updated her every few minutes, and her excitement only mounted.

I was pretty tired and it's increasingly difficult staying comfortable as the pregnancy winds down, but Jack sat behind me and let me lean against him and that was nice too. I also enjoyed seeing all the festive outfits of the people around us, especially the kids too little to even know what's happening, along for the ride.

By the time the fireworks actually started, Jane was pretty tired, and she laid peacefully against me in my lap for the entire fireworks show. Clara was dazzled by the fireworks, and kept pointing them out to Jack as if he might not otherwise notice.

After awhile she seemed to notice the considerable number of people taking pics and videos of the fireworks with their phones, and she asked if she could hold my phone too. I opened the camera and even though she doesn't really know how to take pictures on it, she held it up and viewed the fireworks both live and in the camera and seemed very happy about it.

Watching her and Jane, but especially Clara, get so into it was actually quite moving. She was so happy I almost felt like tearing up. In any case it was great to share the show with my family. When it was done and everyone cheered and applauded, both girls also clapped enthusiastically.

We walked out of CalExpo with the mass exodus of spectators. Jane seemed repeatedly concerned about where I was if she couldn't see me from the stroller, so after a while I just held her hand as I walked alongside them and she was fine. She and Clara pointed out dogs and tiny personal fireworks along the route, and actually just as we got to a fire station it opened up and a fire truck exited, so they got front row seats to that show, which was kind of cool. They ate more popcorn in the car as we listened to "Gloria" and waited to get out of a packed parking log, and of course they both passed out during the relatively short ride home, and stayed passed out when we put them straight to bed.

6.30.19 - Joy statuses

6.30.19 - Kid snippets: fries are fruit

Clara: What's your favorite fruit?

Me: hm pineapple

Clara: And now say "What's your favorite fruit?"

Me: What's your favorite fruit?

Clara: Fries!

Last few nights before bed Clara has started saying "Gimme a kiss" but she actually wants me to offer my cheek so she can kiss it. <3

Jane is way into the fake food right now. I give her bowls, plates, cups, and spoons and she gets a bunch of stuffed animals and gives them each place settings and bowls of random assortments of food. Then she wants Clara and me to sit with her and enjoy the picnic.

6.28.19 - Kid snippets: fake food play

Clara is playing with our extensive fake food collection. She asked me if I want some salad and I said sure. She made me a plate consisting of a slice of pizza, burger patty, and cookie. My kind of salad.

Meanwhile Jane is putting pieces of fake food in bowls in the microwave and pretending to turn it on. Then she takes the food back out and blows on it like it's hot.

And Calvin is just rolling around.

6.28.19 - My new job

This was my third week training as an evidence technician for the forensics lab that recently hired me. So far I love it.

By far the biggest downside is the commute. The lab is about 80 miles from my home. However I think I'm making the most of it by splitting up the time. First of all, I'm only driving by myself for half of the distance, because I stop in Vacaville to pick up Erin (or get picked up by Erin, as we take turns). So from Vacaville to the lab and back I have her to talk to and it makes the ride go quickly and is certainly strengthening my already good friendship with her. And since I work only Tuesday through Thursday, she still has Monday and Friday to have some peaceful time to herself and listen to her audio books etc. I can appreciate that, because I probably spend roughly half of my own lone commute time listening to the audio book Jack got me for my birthday: An Early Start for Your Child with Autism. It's nice to finally get a chance to dig into a book, frankly. I haven't really read anything in depth since having kids.

I also spend a lot of the drive time in the evening calling people to catch up. In particular I've gotten to talk to Kale at least once a week, which is nice, and I've also caught up a bit with my sister-in-law, Josh, Reece, and others.

This week I managed to shorten the commute by trying a new schedule. On the way home, when we stop in Vacaville (either for Erin to drop me off at my car or vice versa), I go to a local Starbucks and get non-lab work done for about an hour and a half. I make a little extra money and by the time I leave the traffic has died enough that the commute is more like 50 minutes instead of 90. So that helps.

So that's the commute: a mixture of visiting time with Erin, phone visiting time with other friends/family, learning time with audio books, and in between getting a bit of extra paid work done too.

Meanwhile the job itself is great. I like all my coworkers, some of them particularly so, and they seem to like me well enough too. I like learning how to help and I'm eager to get tested on different procedures so I can start doing them without anyone having to supervise me (and thus free up their time to do their own work--evidence intake and outtake can be very disruptive). I'm enjoying meeting the regular clients who pick up and drop off evidence, most of whom seem very friendly. I'm really enjoying being back around forensics and learning about different cases and starting to just barely dip my toes in and see what the lab does. And as cherry on top, yesterday I learned there are some long-term evidence-related projects no one has had time to get to that I could take over. I'm glad for that because (a) it gives me something to work on when there's no incoming or outgoing evidence, which is the slowest time of day, (b) I get a lot of satisfaction out of organizing things which is what the projects pretty much entail, and (c) it will give me a chance to show my usefulness as the new person in the lab. I was so eager to get started I almost thought about asking if I could come in today (Friday) to keep working on it, but this job doesn't include that kind of flexibility, plus I want to save the projects for my down time during my regular hours.

So yeah, really enjoying the work so far. I hope maternity leave doesn't disrupt my progress too much but even so I'm sure I can get back on the horse.

6.26.19 - Kid snippets: Lady (Calhoun)

Kid snippets: Clara is trying to holster her tiny water gun in her diaper. She says she's "Lady" which is def a Wreck It Ralph reference (Fix It Felix calls her "Lady").

6.23.19 - Kid snippets: dancing and spicy salsa

I started making crackers and cheese for Clara and she started dancing and saying "It's time to eat!!" I said "I know! Isn't food great? I love food!" Her: "ME TOO!"

Jane actually really likes the spicy salsa we have. Sort of. I give her some with her crackers and she eats it, but after every few chips she comes up to me with her tongue sticking out waiting for me to wipe her tongue off with a washcloth.

6.22.19 - Kid snippets: one-on-one time with Jane

Clara hit her head earlier but felt much better when we put a band aid on her forehead. That was a while ago. I asked her if she wanted me to take the band aid off now, and she said "Yes, it feels allll better." <3

Last night Clara fell asleep on the way home from the grocery store and stayed asleep the rest of the night, which meant I got some uninterrupted time with Jane. Using her little blanket I made a makeshift bed for her bear (Bobby) and tiny Minnie Mouse toy on the living room floor, and she was *psyched* about that. She kept proclaiming "Wake UP!" and getting them up and then immediately tucking them back in and giving them kisses.

6.15.19 - Kid Snippets: I'M DANCING

Clara: Awexa! Pway Gwowia by Auwa Bwaginan.
*Alexa actually does it.*
Clara: YEAH! I'M DANCING!!

6.7.19 - Kid Snippets: That's a good story

Me: You have to get dressed. We have to go pick up Jane.
Clara: I don't want to go pick up Jane.
Me: I don't either but we have to. I wish she could just appear here.
Clara: Oooookay. That's a good story.

Lol! I think we do a pretty good job not swearing around the kids but they are picking up other problems.

6.2.19 - Kid Snippets: Clara's talking

Jack took the girls to run errands while I was gone working. I got home before them, and when they got home Clara explained:

"I go to the supermarket today!"
Me: "Did you help Dad?"
"Yeah! I go shopping! And we got fries. And I ate it! Tummy is full!"

My heart is bursting with how much she's able to say clearly now

5.31.19 - May joy statuses

5.30.19 - Kid snippets: Ah wah boops!

We just put the kids to bed but then Jack had to go check on them because reasons.

Jack: Jane, what are you doing?? Go get in bed!
Jane: Naaa! Ah wah boops!
Jack: No just get in bed.
Jane: Nah ah ah wah boops!
Jack: You can get ONE book and then go get in bed.
Jane: *giggles*

I just like that he can tell what she's saying.

5.28.19 - Kid snippets: idiot

A *very* loud motorcycle drives by our apartment complex.

Clara: What is that??
Jack: Sounds like some idiot.
Jane and Clara run to the nursery to try to look out the window.
Clara: I hear something! I hear some idiot! Jane is that an idiot?

5.27.19 - Cuddling with Jane who was up late

Jane was fussing and not going to bed easily. I got sick of it and told Jack I was putting headphones in so to please listen out for her. I got sucked into what I was doing on the computer and about an hour later thought surely she was passed out by now, but when I took my headphones out I could still hear her babbling. While not as bad as fussing, it's a problem because she is awake way too late and will be wiped tomorrow.

I went to check on her not realizing Jack had just gone in to do the same, and though he was settling her she saw me and started fussing again. I told him I'd stay with her a bit.

Just prior to this I had read a moving thread online that involved pregnancy loss. This is my Joy Inventory so I don't want to go into great detail on that here, but suffice to say Scout was on my mind. I felt a buried sort of sadness and could really use cuddling with my kids, so it was perfect that's also what Jane wanted. I just sat on the floor next to her bed and rubbed my face on her hand and my hand on her back while she lie in bed quietly staring at me in the dark. I could tell she was pretty tired by how zoned out she was, but she also seemed to want to stay awake and enjoy the cuddles.

I stayed with her for what felt like a long time, and I thought about the bad precedent, about not wanting her to expect us to cuddle with her until she passes out, but I think one single night will be fine and frankly I wanted/needed the cuddles probably more than she did. I thought about her tiny hands and fingers I could feel almost imperceptibly moving across my face and closed eyes. I thought about how amazing and indescribable it is to have your own little people, who are part of you, who you made, who you love so much. I thought sadly of how I'll never have these cuddles with Scout, and then tried to resolve to soak them in more with Jane. For me it was a very sad but soothing experience.

Eventually I asked Jane if she wanted Bobo and she whispered "Yes!" So I handed him to her and she hugged him to her chest, but then wanted me to hug and kiss him, then took him back again. I kissed her head a few times, told her I loved her and good night, and she fell asleep peacefully.

Pic from a morning a few weeks ago.

5.24.19 - Ellen's graduation

I didn't have time to write a full blog post, but highlights:

It was very sweet watching Ellen walk across the stage and get "hooded." Can't believe she has an MD finally. So much work. I'm really proud of her. I thought she looked incredibly sophisticated in her graduation attire. I'm extra proud of her because she doesn't have a doctor or even PhD in the family (unlike nearly everyone who graduated) and I think that speaks to her particular resilience, confidence, and hard work compared to people who came from families with more pedigree and experience. She's a freaking BAMF.

Ellen on the top step because she now has the most advanced degree.

Lunch after the graduation was a lot of fun, actually. Dad, Jill, Rocket, Ellen, Igor, and I all went to a pretty nice sandwich place (Steubens) and had a pretty funny conversation about the use of the word "like" in conversation. Had a great time, also had a chocolate malt.

Other highlights of the visit before that included Ellen making spinach sausage loaf, ridiculous amounts of giggles on the drive home from a taqueria dinner (I was the only sober one, Mom and Julie were giggling at everything, it was pretty funny), and giving Ellen her med school scrapbook and enjoying her and other people enjoying it. I love making a good scrapbook.

5.11.19 - Jane's birthday party

Jane turns two on Monday, so we decided to celebrate today (the Saturday before) when we had time.

Despite us putting the girls to bed at about the same time Friday night as we do every night, they stayed up much later than usual. Jack went to get gluten free cake mix and frosting for me to bake Jane's cake the night before, and when he got back (near 9pm) they were both standing in the nursery window. I thought this was actually a good thing because maybe they would sleep in the next day, giving us time to clean up before having guests over and pushing Jane's nap back further. But no. They woke up even earlier than typical--about 6:30 am or so), and it made for a hectic morning. Also I'm reaching the third trimester and starting to feel the difficulty of getting up and down off the floor, which makes cleaning harder. But with Jack's help we still got everything clean and the girls ready pretty much on time.

A little light reading on the way to the zoo.

We met Henry at the zoo entrance and Clara was very happy about that. She said "Hello Henry elephant" so you know he's one of her people.

In retrospect we probably could have skipped the zoo. Most of the first set of cages were empty. The tiger cage was interesting because the tigers were very active, pacing back and forth right by the front. They have beautiful eyes. Clara and I watched from one end of the fence and Jack had Jane on his shoulder about 10-15 ft away from us. We watched for awhile and suddenly one of the tigers ran up to the cage and ROARED right at Jane. It made me jump pretty hard and it scared the heck out of Jane. Poor girl started crying really hard and I had to take her pretty far away and comfort her for awhile and hold her for awhile longer. After that she pretty much wanted to stay in the stroller for a long time. I felt really bad for her.

Clara, on the other hand, seemed to take the tiger in stride and enjoy the zoo. She was interested in the animals and even more interested in the cut outs where she could pretend to be animals, haha. Eventually we got to a farm animal section (horses, cows, bees, mules) and Jane was ready to get back out of the stroller and explore. The farm animal section's exit put us right in front of the nearby playground. Once you exit the zoo to the playground, you can't re-enter, so Jack and I considered backtracking to see parts of the zoo we had skipped. But the girls had already seen the playground and were making a beeline for it, and since this is about them--especially Jane--enjoying the day we decided just to go for it.

The playground has a Western theme, covered wagon, general store, etc. It's pretty cute.

It was a good choice. The Folsom playground is really cute and the section for especially little kids is well designed. Jack took Clara on the bigger kids section and Henry and I followed Jane around in the little kids area. She was very happy. Grinning and toddling quickly from one section to another. We stayed for awhile, and of course once we headed back Jane fell asleep in the car.

Henry drove separately and went to pick up In & Out for everyone for lunch. Sarah had taken the train up and was waiting at a nearby Starbucks for us, so she met us at the apartment complex once we were close. To our surprise, Jane didn't stay down for a nap when we got home--I thought she'd be exhausted but she was ready to be up and hang out. I was worried she would be super fussy the rest of the day from going to bed late, getting up early, and taking such a short nap, but actually she was in a great mood. We hadn't even started cake, presents, or balloons yet and she and Clara were having a great time pretending to be baby birds together. Plus Henry came back with lunch and the girls were delighted to eat fries.

Henry also left again to pick them up balloons. He got each of them a pink and gold bunch of about 6, and they loved them. They played with those for a long time before we moved on to cake.

When we did get cake and sing "Happy Birthday," it was interesting to see how different Jane's reaction was to Clara's at her own 2nd birthday. Clara had been pretty shy and held on to me while everyone sang, whereas Jane just grinned and grinned at us. To be fair, though, at Clara's 2nd birthday there had been a lot more people. Anyway we told Jane to blow out the candles and, from about 2 feet away, she did a quick burst of air that had no effect, haha. So I blew them out for her, and then we took off the girls shirts to let them eat cake, which they got everywhere. When they were done Jane had cake all over not only her face and hands but also her stomach and shins.

We cleaned them up and it was time to open presents. Jane is not that bad at ripping off wrapping paper once you get it started for her. She wanted to stop and examine/play with each new gift before opening the next, which was sweet. It was a little difficult for Clara to understand that these gifts belonged to Jane, especially an electronic puppy Beth got her. Fortunately Jane seemed more interested in the crayons and magnet toys than the puppy initially, so Clara got to play with it a lot.

We spent the rest of the afternoon visiting and keeping the girls from arguing over toys or tangling their balloons. It was overall a pretty relaxing enjoyable day.

5.11.19 - Kid snippets: Jane objects to the weather

Alexa: You can expect sunny weather with a high of 84 degrees and a low of 52 degrees.
Jane stands up, clenches her fists: "NOOOO!"

5.9.19 - Kid snippets: Jane opens doors

In the last 24 hours Jane has figured out how to open the nursery door. This morning I was already awake when I heard the door tentatively open. I assumed it was Clara and I called quietly "Helloooo?" and I hear Jane whisper "Mama!" I still figured Clara had opened the door and Jane was just with her, but no--I went to get Jane and Clara was still fast asleep in bed.

Then tonight we put them both to bed, and about 10 minutes later I hear the door open again. I look over just as Jane runs smiling into the hallway. I said, kind of sternly, "No no Jane, it is time for bed!" Her smile vanished into a look of uncertainty and she did a 180 and toddled back into the room. But she did start crying--I think she thought she was in trouble--so Jack and I went back into the nursery and kissed and cuddled both of them before having them lay back down. Jane calmed immediately. Clara asked to give me a "Mom kiss" which apparently means she takes my face in both her hands and then slowly kisses my cheek. Very sweet.