5.27.19 - Cuddling with Jane who was up late

Jane was fussing and not going to bed easily. I got sick of it and told Jack I was putting headphones in so to please listen out for her. I got sucked into what I was doing on the computer and about an hour later thought surely she was passed out by now, but when I took my headphones out I could still hear her babbling. While not as bad as fussing, it's a problem because she is awake way too late and will be wiped tomorrow.

I went to check on her not realizing Jack had just gone in to do the same, and though he was settling her she saw me and started fussing again. I told him I'd stay with her a bit.

Just prior to this I had read a moving thread online that involved pregnancy loss. This is my Joy Inventory so I don't want to go into great detail on that here, but suffice to say Scout was on my mind. I felt a buried sort of sadness and could really use cuddling with my kids, so it was perfect that's also what Jane wanted. I just sat on the floor next to her bed and rubbed my face on her hand and my hand on her back while she lie in bed quietly staring at me in the dark. I could tell she was pretty tired by how zoned out she was, but she also seemed to want to stay awake and enjoy the cuddles.

I stayed with her for what felt like a long time, and I thought about the bad precedent, about not wanting her to expect us to cuddle with her until she passes out, but I think one single night will be fine and frankly I wanted/needed the cuddles probably more than she did. I thought about her tiny hands and fingers I could feel almost imperceptibly moving across my face and closed eyes. I thought about how amazing and indescribable it is to have your own little people, who are part of you, who you made, who you love so much. I thought sadly of how I'll never have these cuddles with Scout, and then tried to resolve to soak them in more with Jane. For me it was a very sad but soothing experience.

Eventually I asked Jane if she wanted Bobo and she whispered "Yes!" So I handed him to her and she hugged him to her chest, but then wanted me to hug and kiss him, then took him back again. I kissed her head a few times, told her I loved her and good night, and she fell asleep peacefully.

Pic from a morning a few weeks ago.

5.24.19 - Ellen's graduation

I didn't have time to write a full blog post, but highlights:

It was very sweet watching Ellen walk across the stage and get "hooded." Can't believe she has an MD finally. So much work. I'm really proud of her. I thought she looked incredibly sophisticated in her graduation attire. I'm extra proud of her because she doesn't have a doctor or even PhD in the family (unlike nearly everyone who graduated) and I think that speaks to her particular resilience, confidence, and hard work compared to people who came from families with more pedigree and experience. She's a freaking BAMF.

Ellen on the top step because she now has the most advanced degree.

Lunch after the graduation was a lot of fun, actually. Dad, Jill, Rocket, Ellen, Igor, and I all went to a pretty nice sandwich place (Steubens) and had a pretty funny conversation about the use of the word "like" in conversation. Had a great time, also had a chocolate malt.

Other highlights of the visit before that included Ellen making spinach sausage loaf, ridiculous amounts of giggles on the drive home from a taqueria dinner (I was the only sober one, Mom and Julie were giggling at everything, it was pretty funny), and giving Ellen her med school scrapbook and enjoying her and other people enjoying it. I love making a good scrapbook.

5.11.19 - Jane's birthday party

Jane turns two on Monday, so we decided to celebrate today (the Saturday before) when we had time.

Despite us putting the girls to bed at about the same time Friday night as we do every night, they stayed up much later than usual. Jack went to get gluten free cake mix and frosting for me to bake Jane's cake the night before, and when he got back (near 9pm) they were both standing in the nursery window. I thought this was actually a good thing because maybe they would sleep in the next day, giving us time to clean up before having guests over and pushing Jane's nap back further. But no. They woke up even earlier than typical--about 6:30 am or so), and it made for a hectic morning. Also I'm reaching the third trimester and starting to feel the difficulty of getting up and down off the floor, which makes cleaning harder. But with Jack's help we still got everything clean and the girls ready pretty much on time.

A little light reading on the way to the zoo.

We met Henry at the zoo entrance and Clara was very happy about that. She said "Hello Henry elephant" so you know he's one of her people.

In retrospect we probably could have skipped the zoo. Most of the first set of cages were empty. The tiger cage was interesting because the tigers were very active, pacing back and forth right by the front. They have beautiful eyes. Clara and I watched from one end of the fence and Jack had Jane on his shoulder about 10-15 ft away from us. We watched for awhile and suddenly one of the tigers ran up to the cage and ROARED right at Jane. It made me jump pretty hard and it scared the heck out of Jane. Poor girl started crying really hard and I had to take her pretty far away and comfort her for awhile and hold her for awhile longer. After that she pretty much wanted to stay in the stroller for a long time. I felt really bad for her.

Clara, on the other hand, seemed to take the tiger in stride and enjoy the zoo. She was interested in the animals and even more interested in the cut outs where she could pretend to be animals, haha. Eventually we got to a farm animal section (horses, cows, bees, mules) and Jane was ready to get back out of the stroller and explore. The farm animal section's exit put us right in front of the nearby playground. Once you exit the zoo to the playground, you can't re-enter, so Jack and I considered backtracking to see parts of the zoo we had skipped. But the girls had already seen the playground and were making a beeline for it, and since this is about them--especially Jane--enjoying the day we decided just to go for it.

The playground has a Western theme, covered wagon, general store, etc. It's pretty cute.

It was a good choice. The Folsom playground is really cute and the section for especially little kids is well designed. Jack took Clara on the bigger kids section and Henry and I followed Jane around in the little kids area. She was very happy. Grinning and toddling quickly from one section to another. We stayed for awhile, and of course once we headed back Jane fell asleep in the car.

Henry drove separately and went to pick up In & Out for everyone for lunch. Sarah had taken the train up and was waiting at a nearby Starbucks for us, so she met us at the apartment complex once we were close. To our surprise, Jane didn't stay down for a nap when we got home--I thought she'd be exhausted but she was ready to be up and hang out. I was worried she would be super fussy the rest of the day from going to bed late, getting up early, and taking such a short nap, but actually she was in a great mood. We hadn't even started cake, presents, or balloons yet and she and Clara were having a great time pretending to be baby birds together. Plus Henry came back with lunch and the girls were delighted to eat fries.

Henry also left again to pick them up balloons. He got each of them a pink and gold bunch of about 6, and they loved them. They played with those for a long time before we moved on to cake.

When we did get cake and sing "Happy Birthday," it was interesting to see how different Jane's reaction was to Clara's at her own 2nd birthday. Clara had been pretty shy and held on to me while everyone sang, whereas Jane just grinned and grinned at us. To be fair, though, at Clara's 2nd birthday there had been a lot more people. Anyway we told Jane to blow out the candles and, from about 2 feet away, she did a quick burst of air that had no effect, haha. So I blew them out for her, and then we took off the girls shirts to let them eat cake, which they got everywhere. When they were done Jane had cake all over not only her face and hands but also her stomach and shins.

We cleaned them up and it was time to open presents. Jane is not that bad at ripping off wrapping paper once you get it started for her. She wanted to stop and examine/play with each new gift before opening the next, which was sweet. It was a little difficult for Clara to understand that these gifts belonged to Jane, especially an electronic puppy Beth got her. Fortunately Jane seemed more interested in the crayons and magnet toys than the puppy initially, so Clara got to play with it a lot.

We spent the rest of the afternoon visiting and keeping the girls from arguing over toys or tangling their balloons. It was overall a pretty relaxing enjoyable day.

5.11.19 - Kid snippets: Jane objects to the weather

Alexa: You can expect sunny weather with a high of 84 degrees and a low of 52 degrees.
Jane stands up, clenches her fists: "NOOOO!"

5.9.19 - Kid snippets: Jane opens doors

In the last 24 hours Jane has figured out how to open the nursery door. This morning I was already awake when I heard the door tentatively open. I assumed it was Clara and I called quietly "Helloooo?" and I hear Jane whisper "Mama!" I still figured Clara had opened the door and Jane was just with her, but no--I went to get Jane and Clara was still fast asleep in bed.

Then tonight we put them both to bed, and about 10 minutes later I hear the door open again. I look over just as Jane runs smiling into the hallway. I said, kind of sternly, "No no Jane, it is time for bed!" Her smile vanished into a look of uncertainty and she did a 180 and toddled back into the room. But she did start crying--I think she thought she was in trouble--so Jack and I went back into the nursery and kissed and cuddled both of them before having them lay back down. Jane calmed immediately. Clara asked to give me a "Mom kiss" which apparently means she takes my face in both her hands and then slowly kisses my cheek. Very sweet. 

5.8.19 - Kid snippets: Jane doesn't want you to take her food

If I take any food off of Jane's plate, she stops eating, furrows her brow, turns to me, and in a reprimanding voice says, "Hey!"

5.5.19 - Chuck E. Cheese

Sensory Sunday at Chuck E. Cheese was great. No overhead music at all, most of the games noises turned way down, and really hardly anyone there. The sensory friendly time is from 9a-11a and then it switches to regular routine, so I guess most people don't want to bother getting to Chuck E. Cheese that early. The whole place had maybe a dozen kids in it.

Nice to let Clara play in the tubes knowing there were no other kids up there at all.

For the first 30 minutes or so we didn't even buy any game time or anything. Jane and Clara were thrilled just to look around and sit at games or on rides and observe the flashing lights. Eventually they realized the games and rides actually do things so we went ahead and got a game card and they rode a miniature merry go round and played some kind of alien driving game. They sat in mine and Jack's laps while we played Space Invaders, which I am fairly terrible at, but the girls thought it was amazing all the same.

First game they saw and the one they kept coming back to: Space Invaders.

We were there for one of Clara's classmate's 5th birthday parties so we got to sing Happy Birthday and Clara seemed sufficiently distracted by games/rides that she neither noticed nor cared that she couldn't have any of the (gluten) cake.

Singing Happy Birthday

I did bake and bring our own gluten free muffins as a substitute but she didn't want those either. At one point we sat as a family at our own table and ate the gluten free pizza I also baked and brought with us, and she seemed pretty happy about that.

Peaceful gluten free pizza time.

Jack was actually pretty into a lot of the games, haha. He also kept a close eye on the game play-to-ticket ratio to see what was most worth it, not that it matters because 300 tickets gets you like a few probably $0.50 toys. Still the girls enjoyed examining the prizes and we picked out a miniature telescope and those tiny plastic click clack toys. All the birthday guests also got goodie bags which included balloons and gluten free lollipops, both of which Clara is enjoying as I type this. Jane is passed out; about 2 minutes after we got home she crawled into bed willingly and went right to sleep. :)

Riding the Merry-Go-Round about 10 times.

Riding the hot chocolate ride, which Clara especially loved.

Jack was pretty into some of the games.

Girls happily assist Jack with Skeeball.

4.30.19 - April joy statuses

4.29.19 - Kid snippets: Jack's Blues enthusiasm

I was reading the girls bed time stories in the nursery. Jack was watching the Blues game in the living room. The Blues scored and Jack yelled "That's what I'm talking about!" so ferociously that Clara jumped up and ran to the living room to see if he was okay. Jane took no notice and asked for more books.

4.28.19 - Kid snippets: Clara shouting colors

We put the girls to bed about 20 minutes ago. Just now I heard Clara's voice echoing off the apartment complex parking lot as she yelled out the bedroom window "Green! Blue! Yellow! Red!"

I opened the nursery door to see her silhouette behind the curtains and blinds. When I said "Clara! Get in bed!" the silhouette froze and then quietly said "...Mom?" "Yeah?" "Go up the ladder?" "Yes, go up the ladder and get in bed." She did so pretty quickly, then said "Mom?" "Yeah?" "I love books!" "Okay good night babe."

And *just* as I was finishing typing this up, I hear her voice shouting across the parking lot again. "Red! Pink! Brown! White!"

4.27.19 - Pleasant Saturday

This morning Jane asked me "Baby wawa?" which apparently mean she wanted to lie across my lap and have me hold her like a baby. So I cradled her and sang "Hush little baby" and she loved it. Then Clara wanted a turn. Then Jane wanted me to do it twice more. After that I told her no more until she cleaned up all the magnets, so she hurriedly put them all back on the fridge and came back to have me hold her and sing "Hush little baby" again. Very very sweet.

We decided to take the girls for a walk around the complex while it was still nice out, because lately it's been getting pretty hot in the afternoons. The complex pool is technically still not open, which is nice for us because it means no one is swimming in it. We took the girls down there and let them stick their feet in the water. Jane splashed rigorously and I had to take off her shorts because even sitting outside the pool she was getting them soaked. Clara wanted to walk along the "train track" (the lined concrete engraving outlining the pool) so Jack walked around and around with her while Jane and I sat at the edge of the shallow end. Eventually Jane realized her feet could reach the top step and she started very tentatively standing for about 0.5 second at a time. She also insisted on "fixing" her tiny little sunglasses such that she was wearing them upside down, but she seemed fine with it. We didn't stay too long because we will all get sunburned pretty easily, but it was nice while it lasted.

Then this afternoon I drove to Erin's to have a craft day. I chatted with Kale the whole hour trip there, which was really enjoyable and makes the trip seem like nothing at all. We talked about how peer review is not nearly as rigorous as people think. I like talking about anything science-related with Kale as it makes me feel still at least a little bit in the loop.

Erin's was really pleasant too, of course. She made us bruschetta and she worked on her scrapbook from Argentina. I worked on the hundreds of files Henry sent from our amateur maternity shoot last week, picking my favorite screen caps. Even as I write this I'm still not done but it's coming along. We talked about all sorts of things and later split a brownie with strawberries. I was there for probably over 4 hours and the time flew.

On the way home I chatted with Jill and told her about how great Clara's progress has been at school, so that was nice too.

4.25.19 - A good week!

On Monday I went to Berkeley to give my presentation for the public health course. I talked to Reece most of the way there, which made the trip fly by. I thought the presentation itself went very well, with no hostility even during Q&A. Everyone was very amicable.

Afterward I had thai dinner with perhaps 10 members of Berkeley Students for Life, and that was even better. We stayed and talked for nearly three hours about all sorts of things, and it was interesting getting their perspectives and enjoyable being asked mine. It was nice to have sincere conversations about atheism too.

Most of the drive home I talked to Ellen about how the presentation went, which made the trip again fly by.

On Tuesday after we put the kids to bed, Jack and I played online Tichu with Henry and Kale. It was so much fun. Jack and Henry were stomping us for awhile. At one point it was 380 to 820, and then Kale and I won the game within two rounds by grand tichu 1-2 and then tichu 1-2, ending at 1080 to 820. It was amazing. The entire game we had an online chat going where we were joking around, which is great because it's a low maintenance way to get some interaction with them. Really enjoyed it.

On Wednesday Jack went to give platelets as he does periodically and learned his platelet count is now too low and he has to switch giving whole blood like, as he puts it, the "plebs." He jokes, but he actually was kind of bummed he couldn't give the more difficult and possibly useful donations, and while that isn't a joy, it made me proud of him to realize how much he cares about his blood donations. What a sweet man.

I also got a solid day of work in (a rare occurrence lately) and then took the girls so Jack could work an evening shift. The three of us listened to "Friends on the other side" from Princess and the Frog for probably half an hour straight, each time dancing and singing along, each time they got more excited for the crescendo ending. It was a lot of fun.

Today (Thursday), Jack and I had Clara's IEP meeting with the school district, and it was almost uniformly wonderful news. She has already met all but one of her annual goals which were set only last September. Both her teacher (Macie) and school speech therapist (Beth) emphasized how much Clara has excelled and what a pleasure she is to work with. She's going to move up to an inclusion classroom next year, and they believe that will help her make even more progress with socializing and speech because she'll be around peers she can learn from. It sounds like they've built a lot of continuity into the transition, too, because she will have the same speech therapist, she's already met and spent some time with the new teacher, and her current teacher might be in a position where she still sees Clara about 60 minutes per week anyway.

Overall it was great news, and so encouraging. It was good to be reminded of what her goals originally were and see how far she's come already. Her staff seem confident she will be pretty ready for kindergarten in a year. What a relief!

4.23.19 - Kid snippets: Clara felt Calvin kick

This morning Clara and Jane woke up before Jack and I did. They came into our bedroom babbling in stage whispers. Calvin was actually kicking a lot, as he seems to do more in the morning before I get out of bed, so I put Clara's hand on my abdomen right as he kicked pretty hard. I've been telling her a lot that there's a baby brother in my belly, but I'm not sure how much she understands. I just know she moved her hand away pretty quickly and didn't want to do it again, so maybe I just freaked her out.

4.27.19 - Kid snippets: Appah doo doo

Tonight we figured out that when Jane says "Appah doo doo" she means "Happy Birthday," apparently. (We figured it out only when she started singing.)

4.17.19 - Kid snippets: STEEGE

Giving Clara a bath:

Me: Look up, we have to get your hair wet. We're going to pour the cup three times.
Clara: Five times and then Skittles.
M: No, no Skittles.
C: Mom, what do get?
M: You get honor and prestige.
C: Steege?!
M: Yes. [I finish pouring.]
C: Okay Mom! STEEGE!

4.15.19 - Kid snippets - "ow"

When I trim Jane's nails, after each clip she waits a second or so and then very casually says "Ow."

4.10.19 - Kid snippets: giggling before bed

We just put the kids to bed and then I thought I heard Jane crying (which would be unusual). I went to the door to listen and, no, she was just babbling to Clara who was babbling back and then they'd both stop and giggle. I can also hear them blowing raspberries to each other and giggling even harder.

4.7.19 - Muffin morning

Jack has started a new work schedule that includes Sunday mornings, so for the first time in weeks or maybe months I will be home on weekend mornings (instead of getting work done at Starbucks). I decided to take this first morning as an opportunity to have something other than oatmeal, toast, or Kix for breakfast, so we baked some muffins.

Muffins are a great way to sneak produce into the kids, and unfortunately I didn't have any zuccini to shred into them, so I added a whole bunch of strawberries. I put on my "Tejon kitchen happy" playlist (a playlist of cheerful music that is all child appropriate) and started mixing. Clara was interested as soon as I turned the mixer on, and I let her lick the whisk when it was done, which she loved. She brought a stool into the kitchen and stood to my side watching (and narrating) everything I was doing.

Once the muffins were in the oven I turned on the oven light so the girls could see. The oven window is right at their height, which is nice. Jane was mostly ignoring us up until this point, but Clara was very excited to watch the muffins bake. Shortly later Clara went to use the potty, and Jane took her spot on muffin watch. Clara was successful and I offered her Skittles but she asked instead for a muffin, haha.

While we were waiting for the muffins to bake Clara asked me to come dance with her. We were dancing in circles and Jane tried to carry all the toys she was playing with and join us. I had to help her put them down and then she and Clara took a minute to figure out how to hold hands, but then we all danced (walked slowly) in a circle and they were giggling the whole time. Very sweet.

They recently broke our oven timer, sadly, so I was using the timer on my phone, and each time it went off they both got pretty excited and walked with me to the kitchen to see what would happen. I had to set it more than once for both sets because each time they weren't quite done after the first timer, but the repeated process just built up the excitement! When I took the first batch out, I used one oven mitt and a knife to remove the muffins and let them cool on a plate. Clara continued to stand on a stool and narrate and also asked if she could have an oven mitt, which I declined.

I cut two muffins in half and added butter and put them in a purple bowl for Clara and pink bowl for Jane. Sat Jane in her booster seat and Clara hurried to sit at the table. I brought them each their muffins and they ate them happily. Well actually Jane ate half of hers and then wanted to walk around with the other half. We need to vacuum badly anyway so I just let her.

While the second batch was baking, the song "Ruby Baby" by Dion came on and Clara got up and started slowly spinning in circles while eating her muffin. Last time we listened to "Ruby Baby" Jack and I did some swing dance to it, which the girls found fascinating, so I guess now Clara associates the song with dancing. :)

Clara has also recently started adding what is either "firefly" or "firefighter" to her "Clara elephant" descriptions, such as "Mom, firefly Clara elephant is eating muffins!"

They each asked for seconds, of course, and then they sat on the couch together eating their muffins happily. Now Jane is slowly somersaulting through the living room and looking at me and yelling "YAYYY" at the end of each one.

Later in the morning we were all hanging out in the "blue bed" (mine and Jack's bed) with juice cups and books, and then Jane wanted me to start reading off the letters to my "Home is wherever I am with you" sign. Clara actually hummed part of the song, which I didn't realize she knew, so I sang the chorus and pointed to each word as I sang it. Then I had Alexa play the Edward Sharpe version with the background choir, and each time they sang "home is wherever I am with you" I would point to the words on the sign and Clara and Jane were delighted. The choir repeats the chorus many times at the end so the girls had a lot of time to absorb that this sign in my bedroom was actually part of a song. It was fun to watch them put it together.

4.5.19 - The Bunk Bed

Calvin will arrive in August and we aren't likely to move to a bigger place before then. Even if we were going to, I think we'd still want to get a bunk bed to save space.

A few days ago I mentioned to Jack that we should look into one now and give Clara and Jane time to get used to it before they have to adjust to the next big change (a new baby), and to my delight Jack took over the project without me even thinking about it again. He spent the last few days researching and trying to find a balance between cost and storage needs (bunk bed with built in storage are far too expensive but we were hoping at least for something with enough clearance from the ground that we can store clothes under it). After several unsuccessful attempts to coordinate with sellers on Craigslist and Facebook Market (or whatever it's called), today Jack found a fairly good deal. He left to investigate it immediately (he wanted to see the frame in person to verify it really was 11" off the ground) while I was able to keep working because Clara was with her ABA therapist.

As soon as Jack returned he got to work taking apart Clara's current bed and assembling the bunk bed. Most of this phase he was kept company by Clara who talked to him about what he was doing (and what she was doing) incessantly. I just hear her in their, high-pitched voice jabbering away, with him occasionally giving a preoccupied "Yeah." or "Oh yeah?" She was pretty excited about all the furniture rearranging happening and stayed in there with him the whole time, so I was able to get even more done.

He wasn't quite finished by the time it was time to pick up Jane so he closed the nursery door and blocked it so Clara wouldn't mess with the tools and everything inside. I put on some videos for her to keep her preoccupied and it mostly worked.

When Jack and Jane returned, both girls were very excited and interested in all the happenings in the nursery. Once Jack actually put one bunk on top of the other and put Clara's mattress on the top bunk, they were just amazed. Clara was thrilled to climb the ladder to the top bunk, and even though Jane can't handle the ladder yet, she was perfectly happy/excited to climb back and forth over the empty lower bunk frame and move toys in and out of its space. She was very busy.

It took a bit to get them (mostly Clara) out of the nursery and into their chairs for dinner, and when they were done they went back to experiencing the bunk bed. Clara kept putting her stuffed animals on the ladder rungs and telling me they were going up the "excavator." (No matter how many times I try to get her to say "escalator" she insists it is actually "excavator.") Jane continued to move objects and herself back and forth, under and mostly over, the empty bottom frame.

Left: Jack putting together the crib in late 2014; Center: Jack putting together Clara's "big girl bed" in early 2017; Right: Jack putting together the bunk bed, April 2019.

It was actually pretty surreal to me because we had bunk beds for my entire youth and they really symbolize childhood to me. I have a ton of bunk bed-associated memories, and it was just bizarre to realize now I'm the adult too big to sit on the top bunk and I'm corralling my kids around in their cozy (crowded) nursery.

When it was finally time for bed, I brushed Clara's teeth while she sat on the top bunk. She had no problem being put to bed there (she transitions really wonderfully in general), but she did want Jane to come up there with her. Jane was also standing at the bottom of the ladder yelling "UP!" so I went ahead and put her on the top bunk for a while and they basically both sat there and giggled and smooshed their faces into the pillows etc. It was pretty amazing, I am sure, being so high up in the room.

When I did put Jane in her crib, that was nostalgic too, in the sense that Jane probably has only a few more days, week tops (however long it takes us to get another twin mattress and bedding), to sleep in her crib before it becomes Calvin's crib. Makes me glad we're about to have another baby since this baby is growing up fast. <3

I put them to bed the same way I always do and they handled it fine. Fun transition day.

4.2.19 - Kid Snippets - Jane's maniacal laugh, Clara sets her own timer

Jane just grabbed a fork from the dinner table and started aggressively scraping it against a wall. I told her to stop and she looked right at me and then did it again. I used an Angry Voice and said "Jane! Give me that!" and she scraped the wall again. So I got up to take it from her, and the moment I stood from my chair she TORE down the hall, frantically tossing the fork behind her as she ran for the nursery cackling. And it was all I could do not to burst out laughing and ruin the facade of a disciplinarian. (I managed to keep it together but it was close.)

Meanwhile Clara got hold of the oven timer, set it up in the bathroom, turning it to maximum time, and announced "Mom! One HUNDWED minutes to play in the sink!"