9.30.17 - September joy statuses

9.15.17 - Friday with the girls and on-the-job joys

Clara is wearing her backpack and sunhat while playing inside at night, I suppose because it's the toddler fashion right now. Jane is watching me clean the kitchen and grinning like a maniac, as if me cleaning the kitchen is some great inside joke between us. And overall I really don't mind spending my Friday night with these two.

In other joys:

I'm in a bet with Julie where I count calories and she does a minimum number of workouts per week and has a maximum amount of sweet and alcohol per week. This is a joy because I'm losing weight but it also makes the once-a-week day off from calorie counting feel like a mini vacation.

I thought it would be harder to count calories now that I'm working from home all the time, but it's not that bad partly because I get pretty absorbed in my work and don't feel as hungry, I guess because I'm distracted. So that's pretty nice.

I'm so enjoying being able to work by myself at home. In contrast with working at Starbucks I can wear lounge clothes and no shoes, use the bathroom any time, get food and drink any time (for free), listen to my music out loud instead of on headphones, and switch up seating positions with no trouble. I also don't have to waste time going home to pump/feed Jane and coming back, because I'm already home! It is much less frustrating now that I can knock out more than 3 hours of work at a time. Also, over the summer I was concerned that when I started full time for CER there wouldn't be enough work to fill my hours, but so far there has been plenty without any problem. So that's a big relief.

And once again I am grateful for social media. I was thinking earlier today that, were it not for social media, Skype, free long distance calls, and all this technology my parents didn't have when they were my age, I would have almost no social interaction right now aside from Jack and my kids. I also wouldn't be able to do this job from home. So I'm glad for the technology we have that lets me do so much long distance.

I also want to give another shout to my Magic Bullet blender, which we use every single day at minimum for a fruit/veggie smoothie for Clara, but usually also for a fruit smoothie for me, and sometimes for other concoctions like pureeing veggies into eggs for egg muffins or blending Nutella with iced coffee. Mmmm.

Cue angelic choir

9.8.17 - GET IT

This morning as I was driving the girls to the nanny's, Clara started fussing. To distract her, I pointed at a semi truck we were passing and said "Oh wow! Look at that *big* *truck*!" She repeated "Big truck!" and giggled. Then we spent a while pointing out every big rig in the far right lane as we passed them and saying "Oh wow! Big truck!" And she laughed every time.

Eventually there were no more big rigs in the right lane, so we drove in silence for a moment. Then a large-ish pickup truck passed us and got in front of us, and Clara, delighted, pointed out the "big truck!" I could tell she was impatient for us to pass the truck as we had the other slower trucks before. She pointed out the pickup truck a few more times and then, after a moment of silence, she yelled "GET IT!" and laughed maniacally.

Best part of my day so far.

9.4.17 - Kid snippets

What was meant to be the foot of Clara's bed overlaps by a few inches with the nursery window. The nursery window has one broken blind right at that end too, so Clara can always see out the window even when the blinds are closed. Many times now I've gone to get her in the morning or after a nap and she's fallen asleep with her head at the foot of the bed, facing out the window. I like to imagine her drifting to sleep watching the trees or people walk by in the complex.

Playing "Super Toddler"

She has many youtube playlists now, and for the most part I have her watch the educational ones (animals, around-the-house vocab, parts of the body, colors, shapes, numbers...). I also have a playlist of songs I enjoy listening to that have appropriate and decently interesting music videos. Last night I put that playlist on and naturally, since it's all songs I particularly enjoy, I would sing along from time to time. In each case, Clara would be standing on the office chair, leaning against the desk, watching the music video, and whether I was sitting on the living room couch or standing in the kitchen or wherever I was, when I started singing she'd whip her head around to look at me and grin. Other times it would be a song I typically sing but wasn't singing at the time and she'd look at me as if waiting for me to sing along. I think she enjoys it because we experiencing the music together. Sometimes I will pick her up and have her sort of sit on my hip while we dance around to a song, and she will shyly smile or very softly try to sing it. Some songs she isn't shy about at all, but instead of singing along she'll just shout the parts that she likes.

Especially "Break up with him" by Old Dominion

After Jane nurses, I'll set her on my knees and talk to her, and she always grins hugely, like she's just so dang happy to see me and to have a full belly and to be alive. And in the first few moments I start singing to her after not having sang to her in a day or so, she coos as loudly as she can and waves her hands around and gets all bobble head in her excitement. We haven't gotten it on video yet, but soon.

Enjoying her bouncer without Clara interference.

She can pretty much roll to her tummy now. I mean she's all the way on her tummy, she just can't figure out how to get her arm out from under her. So far she only rolls to her left.

She's comfortably fitting in 6 month clothes even though she's not quite 4 months old. We're also transitioning to size 3 diapers, only one size below Clara (although to be fair Clara is a bit tiny).

Jane watches me switch out 3 month clothes for 6 month clothes. Clara is preoccupied with the Duplo bag.

For a long time Jane was going down to sleep the first time I put her down (after a few minutes of fussing) and then sleeping through the night save for one middle-of-the-night feeding. Unfortunately lately she's been really rough going down--2-3 attempts every night, and I think the final attempt only works because she wears herself out crying so much during the first few attempts. And for a while there she's been waking up 2-4 times a night, which is hard to switch back to after only once or none. We've gotten a new baby swing that plugs into the wall (and thus doesn't have to be turned on every 30 minutes), and it's tempting to just let her sleep in that, but it's a bad habit. Anyway last night she did sleep over 8 hours, so maybe we're getting out of this phase.

Yesterday I came home after a few hours of work to feed Jane and get lunch myself. I got there in time to put Clara down for her nap, which I enjoy doing. It's a bit of one-on-one time with reading and pointing out everything in the books she can recognize with her increasingly expanding vocabulary. She's usually a bit resistant when we first go in the room, and I usually have to tell her at least once to stay on the bed, but it works and she settles down. She doesn't pass out right when I finish reading--in fact last night I could hear her knock on her nursery door at least once--but she does eventually climb back into her bed on her own and fall asleep.

"If Kisses Were Colors" is a current favorite. I like the rhythm of it and she likes to point out the animals.

I'm so glad I'm finally able to work during the day more, because then I can come home in the evening and spend time with her and Jane. Last night I got home and Clara and I spent a good 10-15 minutes in the bathroom examining the objects I've recently taught her, especially "shower," "shampoo," "wash cloth," and "drain." It's nice to actually have time to sit with her and show her instead of trying to brush her off because I have to get other things done. And I love how happy she is to learn new words and how excited she is to point them out once she knows them. It's as if teaching her the words helps her realize those objects (or concepts) exist, and her world keeps expanding. For example she now notices all the shelves and paintings in the apartment, which she never made much mention of before. It's delightful to watch.

Also last night I was sitting with Jane in my lap on the couch while Clara watched the "mom songs" playlist and Jack worked on homework. Until now Jane has mostly been fascinated with Clara, but last night she kept staring so intently at Jack even though he was a fair distance across the room. He noticed and stopped studying to play peek-a-boo with her using his laptop. She's little enough still that she doesn't have object permanence, and she kept looking around for him when he was behind the laptop screen, then grinning when he reappeared. Jack was grinning a lot too, haha, because the whole thing was adorable.

Finally, every night when Jack puts Clara to bed, he hums or sings the end of "Rainbow Connection" to her while he either hugs her or rubs her back. Many nights now she will softly try to sing it along with him, always at least getting the "and meee" part right. It's heart-melting.

8.31.17 - August joy statuses

8.25.17 - "You are safe and you are loved."

Having a newborn really drives home just how much small children depend on their parents for everything. Jane is only just beginning to control her own body (starting to roll, successfully put her hands in her mouth, etc.). For most situations, if she has a problem her only recourse is to cry and hope someone does something about it. It's a shocking level of vulnerability.

Given my overwhelming love for her, I feel relieved and grateful that I'm in a position to help her when she needs it and take care of her well. Sometimes when she is crying, especially if I think she thinks she's been left alone, I pick her up and coo comforting thoughts in her ear, the number one being: "You are safe, and you are loved."

Of course she doesn't understand the content; that's for my benefit. It's as if I'm reassuring myself that my daughters are okay. And saying those ideas over and over has interesting effects on me: it makes me think about all the instances throughout time and geography when children were not safe and loved, even though I try not to. And those thoughts make me feel fiercely grateful that my children are okay, that I have a good husband who is a loving father, and that I'm able to provide my daughters a safe and comfortable home with more than they need.

It's amazing how profound and intense the love is for your own children. I love others, of course: Jack, my siblings, my parents, some of my closest friends. I care a lot about those relationships and how those people are doing. But it just doesn't feel anything like the love I have for Clara and Jane. And it's strange to think that this is how my parents have loved me. I love my parents but I had no idea it was like this for them.

I also think about how this feeling is likely how most parents feel about their children in most places and it's likely been true in most situations throughout history. I think about how all of us at some point started as innocent, adorable, vulnerable little babies. Even the worst of us, twisted adults who have since done terrible things: at one point just innocent little babies, many of whom were also profoundly loved by their parents. I feel as if the love of parents for their children is a nearly universal experience, one people with huge differences could potentially bond over.

It's certainly a major area of common ground for me with other moms I didn't previously have a lot in common with. I notice there are a couple FB friends I didn't interact with a lot before who I now trade likes with pretty regularly when it comes to post about our kiddos. Because we get it - we totally get why the other person would be so thrilled to post about milestones or cute faces or funny quotes. It's like having a lifelong crush you can't stop noticing and talking about, and it's wonderful. I'm happy to be experiencing it and I'm happy for my friends who are also relatively new parents getting to experience it too.

Parenthood is pretty amazing.

8.21.17 - Tichu Day (and solar eclipse)

Today was awesome.

First of all, any day that I take off calorie counting in the middle of a long bet feels like a mini vacation, and that was today.

Second, I enjoy when my newsfeed is filled with statuses about the same topic, especially when that topic is something pleasant like today: the solar eclipse.

And third, the main thing, we had Kale, Doug, and Henry up for a tichu day!

We planned this about a month and a half ago after the WallBQ in the bay area, and I've been looking forward to it. We had a nacho potluck (gluten free) and got in two full games of Tichu, which, if you know anything about Tichu, is kind of a feat. It's a long game.

It's a 4 player game and it was perfect that there were 5 of us (the three guests, Jack, and me) because that leaves Jack and me to rotate and take care of hosting and taking care of Jane (Clara was with Beth). And Jane was extremely cooperative, falling asleep just before the guys arrived, staying asleep for the first full game, and only waking up just seconds after we finished. Then I nursed her, she hung out with us for an hour or so, then she fell asleep in her swing again and is still asleep even as I type this, a few minutes after everyone just left. So Jane was pretty perfect.

So last night and especially this morning Jack and I cleaned pretty much the whole apartment. It usually takes guests for us to get it to this level of clean but it feels so good when we do. We even clean the back rooms even though they are very unlikely to go back there. Jack actually did most of it, so I'm grateful for that.

The solar eclipse was happening just as the guys were arriving and Jack tried several times to look at it, all with painful and slightly funny results.

Also I got Sarah W's Ravenclaw quilt for Jane and it's beautiful.

The guys arrived with fruit juice and cherry Coke and chips and gauc and salsa and sour cream. We already had the rest of the nacho ingredients: chicken, black olives, yellow corn, black beans, bell peppers, and of course a ton of cheddar cheese. Oh and Henry brought some pretty excellent flaky Parmesan too.

Jack sat in a few rounds while I made the nachos and visited from the kitchen (advantage of a small apartment: cross-room conversations aren't much of a feat). Once the nachos were in the oven I took a turn and we switched on and off for a while. Jack and Kale were losing at first and then we turned it around while I was playing, so that was fun. I even got a decent exciting moment on camera (Jack mad Doug made his Tichu), which I usually miss in Tichu games.

We also had time to talk a bit of politics and relationships and other things, and that was pretty nice. At one point Doug said he thought I gave good advice (in a particular story) and I thought that was flattering. And of course it's easy to make all three of those guys laugh, but especially Kale, and I love that. I sipped half cherry Coke half Diet Coke the whole time, and it was delicious.

Overall a relaxing and fun day with friends I don't get to see much but pretty much always enjoy when I do.

8.19.17 - Errata joys

(Jen R)

8.17.17 - Revolution Wines

Beth and I finally got to hang out together. We went to Revolution Wines on a beautiful summer evening. We sat on the patio and ordered some wine and small plates from the Happy Hour menu plus some more of each based on a Groupon Beth treated us to. And we just sat and talked for hours.

I'm in the midst of a 6-week long bet with Julie and I had taken 24 hours off calorie counting just for this occasion. My 24 hours of freedom ended at 9pm, and since we had planned to meet at Revolution Wines at 6pm I thought for sure we would be done and I'd already be home by then. But nope, not quite. We talked so much that we didn't even leave the winery until about 9:20pm or so. But I'm glad for the pleasant surprise.

We talked a lot about our families and our husbands, and not as much as I would've expected about our kids (maybe because we already talk about them all the time). I got a nice buzz going for the first time in forever and the weather was perfect. We also had good timing because when we first arrived the place wasn't too busy, and it got busier as we stayed. And of course they had white string lights around the patio as it got dark. I love that. And Sacramento has blessedly few mosquitoes; in fact I don't think I saw even one.

It was such a nice evening. So great to be able to sit and relax and enjoy an uninterrupted adult conversation.

8.9.17 - Clara and Jane tidbits

This morning in the nursery I showed Clara how the sun going through the blinds was making a light and dark striped pattern on the carpet. She started at the pattern without reacting for a moment, then whispered "Wow!" Very sweet.

Later the trash truck came by. I stood her on the toy box and she moved the blinds aside to watch as the truck lifted the huge dumpster and then backed up, turned around, and drove through the apartment complex parking lot. She was fascinated, saying "oh wow!" and "train!" over and over.

Jack and I both think Clara is making good progress with speech. In the last week or two I've made her a bunch of vocab videos for objects around the house; I did one video for each room. Now every room we go into, she likes to name the objects she knows, and she seems very excited about being able to do so. I enjoy it too, because it's another way for us to interact. Her favorite objects right now are clocks (probably because there is one in every room), fans (which she currently pronounces as something like "fi-at"), the soap on the bathroom sink (which she likes to carry around while repeating "soap!"), and, by far, the microwave. I think it might be her only 3-syllable word so far ("micwowafe"). There are other 3 syllable words and phrases but she usually omits the 2nd syllable ("raw chaiw" for rocking chair, "pow-tow" for tomato, etc.) She will say "micwowafe" over and over for, I don't know, 10 minutes at a time with increasing excitement. So that's her thing right now.

Making sure I'm watching her as she comes up the steps after getting home from Beth's.

She's also starting to use some action words (besides "jump," which she has been using consistently for a couple months). In the last week she's really grasped that "up" means we will usually pick her up. I'm starting to train her to say "up please" but so far she only manages to say one or the other. She's also, just in the last 2-3 days, started bringing me her sippy cup and saying "more" for more juice. This is major progress because we've been trying to get her to say "more" in context for months and it's finally happening. I just added an "open and close" vocab video to her playlist, so we'll see if we can continue the verb trend.

Elephant Hat.

Jane is as fat and smiley as ever. I can't remember absolutely, but I am pretty sure Jane is smilier than even Clara was. We are down to only one feeding in the middle of the night now, and I enjoy how she just yelps a bit (instead of full crying), and then once I go get her she is very active and squirmy and smiley. It's like 4am and she's just so darn happy to see me (probably because it means she's about to eat). She also seems more patient than she used to be; instead of crying until she gets some food, she just kind of squirms around as I get set up and then goes to it. It's so cool to watch little babies learn routines. I also enjoy how, at least for her middle-of-the-night feeding, once she's done eating she just passes out on my shoulder. Completely. Limp. And then she goes right to sleep in her crib. I don't think she's fussed going back down after that feeding in two weeks. Both of my girls have eased into sleeping through the night without much difficulty. We are very lucky!

Sleeping in my lap right after finishing eating.

I kiss Jane's cheeks over and over again all day long. Often I kiss them at such an angle that my nose is touching her mouth, and she tries to suck on it. I love the smell of her baby milk breath.

About once a day when I put her in the swing (because she seems like she's getting a bit tired) she'll start fussing. So I sit right in front of her and just monologue in a soothing voice until she falls asleep. I tell her all the things I love about her, which would make a mini joy inventory on their own. They usually include:

• her fuzzy head and button nose and Buddha cheeks and heart-shaped tongue
• her chubby arms and fatty thighs and big tummy and little butt
• what a good eater she is
• what a good sleeper she is
• her frequent smiles
• her coos and squeals
• the way she kicks and flails her arms when she's excited

Look at that fat neck!

Mom bought a bouncy chair for Jane and it's been very helpful. The routine now is for Jane to wake up in the morning, eat, hang out on the dining table bassinet, hang out on the living room floor, and then hang out in the kitchen in the bouncy seat. This rotation keeps her busy for 1.5-2 hours, and then usually she's ready for her morning nap in the swing for 1-2 hours. It's nice to have a schedule, and it's nice to have the bouncy seat because it adds more locations for her to sit and look around before she gets bored. Today I also put her in the bouncy seat in the nursery while Clara and I played with Duplos, and Jane just watched us and hung out for probably over 20 minutes. So helpful.

The girls and Jack Skyping with the Jacksons.

I also notice Jane will last longer (as in not fuss) in one location if Clara is home and if she can see Clara. Clara is pretty mobile and loud, and it seems to really interest Jane, who just stares and stares. So Clara is helping out even if she doesn't realize it. Sometimes Clara will stand in front of Jane (in her bouncy seat) and just say Jane's name over and over again while pointing and waving her arms around and doing her excited finger movements, and of course Jane just stares at her. I love it. I'm already so glad we have siblings.

Mom & Jane selfie