8.25.17 - "You are safe and you are loved."

Having a newborn really drives home just how much small children depend on their parents for everything. Jane is only just beginning to control her own body (starting to roll, successfully put her hands in her mouth, etc.). For most situations, if she has a problem her only recourse is to cry and hope someone does something about it. It's a shocking level of vulnerability.

Given my overwhelming love for her, I feel relieved and grateful that I'm in a position to help her when she needs it and take care of her well. Sometimes when she is crying, especially if I think she thinks she's been left alone, I pick her up and coo comforting thoughts in her ear, the number one being: "You are safe, and you are loved."

Of course she doesn't understand the content; that's for my benefit. It's as if I'm reassuring myself that my daughters are okay. And saying those ideas over and over has interesting effects on me: it makes me think about all the instances throughout time and geography when children were not safe and loved, even though I try not to. And those thoughts make me feel fiercely grateful that my children are okay, that I have a good husband who is a loving father, and that I'm able to provide my daughters a safe and comfortable home with more than they need.

It's amazing how profound and intense the love is for your own children. I love others, of course: Jack, my siblings, my parents, some of my closest friends. I care a lot about those relationships and how those people are doing. But it just doesn't feel anything like the love I have for Clara and Jane. And it's strange to think that this is how my parents have loved me. I love my parents but I had no idea it was like this for them.

I also think about how this feeling is likely how most parents feel about their children in most places and it's likely been true in most situations throughout history. I think about how all of us at some point started as innocent, adorable, vulnerable little babies. Even the worst of us, twisted adults who have since done terrible things: at one point just innocent little babies, many of whom were also profoundly loved by their parents. I feel as if the love of parents for their children is a nearly universal experience, one people with huge differences could potentially bond over.

It's certainly a major area of common ground for me with other moms I didn't previously have a lot in common with. I notice there are a couple FB friends I didn't interact with a lot before who I now trade likes with pretty regularly when it comes to post about our kiddos. Because we get it - we totally get why the other person would be so thrilled to post about milestones or cute faces or funny quotes. It's like having a lifelong crush you can't stop noticing and talking about, and it's wonderful. I'm happy to be experiencing it and I'm happy for my friends who are also relatively new parents getting to experience it too.

Parenthood is pretty amazing.