5.31.19 - May joy statuses

5.30.19 - Kid snippets: Ah wah boops!

We just put the kids to bed but then Jack had to go check on them because reasons.

Jack: Jane, what are you doing?? Go get in bed!
Jane: Naaa! Ah wah boops!
Jack: No just get in bed.
Jane: Nah ah ah wah boops!
Jack: You can get ONE book and then go get in bed.
Jane: *giggles*

I just like that he can tell what she's saying.

5.28.19 - Kid snippets: idiot

A *very* loud motorcycle drives by our apartment complex.

Clara: What is that??
Jack: Sounds like some idiot.
Jane and Clara run to the nursery to try to look out the window.
Clara: I hear something! I hear some idiot! Jane is that an idiot?

5.27.19 - Cuddling with Jane who was up late

Jane was fussing and not going to bed easily. I got sick of it and told Jack I was putting headphones in so to please listen out for her. I got sucked into what I was doing on the computer and about an hour later thought surely she was passed out by now, but when I took my headphones out I could still hear her babbling. While not as bad as fussing, it's a problem because she is awake way too late and will be wiped tomorrow.

I went to check on her not realizing Jack had just gone in to do the same, and though he was settling her she saw me and started fussing again. I told him I'd stay with her a bit.

Just prior to this I had read a moving thread online that involved pregnancy loss. This is my Joy Inventory so I don't want to go into great detail on that here, but suffice to say Scout was on my mind. I felt a buried sort of sadness and could really use cuddling with my kids, so it was perfect that's also what Jane wanted. I just sat on the floor next to her bed and rubbed my face on her hand and my hand on her back while she lie in bed quietly staring at me in the dark. I could tell she was pretty tired by how zoned out she was, but she also seemed to want to stay awake and enjoy the cuddles.

I stayed with her for what felt like a long time, and I thought about the bad precedent, about not wanting her to expect us to cuddle with her until she passes out, but I think one single night will be fine and frankly I wanted/needed the cuddles probably more than she did. I thought about her tiny hands and fingers I could feel almost imperceptibly moving across my face and closed eyes. I thought about how amazing and indescribable it is to have your own little people, who are part of you, who you made, who you love so much. I thought sadly of how I'll never have these cuddles with Scout, and then tried to resolve to soak them in more with Jane. For me it was a very sad but soothing experience.

Eventually I asked Jane if she wanted Bobo and she whispered "Yes!" So I handed him to her and she hugged him to her chest, but then wanted me to hug and kiss him, then took him back again. I kissed her head a few times, told her I loved her and good night, and she fell asleep peacefully.

Pic from a morning a few weeks ago.

5.24.19 - Ellen's graduation

I didn't have time to write a full blog post, but highlights:

It was very sweet watching Ellen walk across the stage and get "hooded." Can't believe she has an MD finally. So much work. I'm really proud of her. I thought she looked incredibly sophisticated in her graduation attire. I'm extra proud of her because she doesn't have a doctor or even PhD in the family (unlike nearly everyone who graduated) and I think that speaks to her particular resilience, confidence, and hard work compared to people who came from families with more pedigree and experience. She's a freaking BAMF.

Ellen on the top step because she now has the most advanced degree.

Lunch after the graduation was a lot of fun, actually. Dad, Jill, Rocket, Ellen, Igor, and I all went to a pretty nice sandwich place (Steubens) and had a pretty funny conversation about the use of the word "like" in conversation. Had a great time, also had a chocolate malt.

Other highlights of the visit before that included Ellen making spinach sausage loaf, ridiculous amounts of giggles on the drive home from a taqueria dinner (I was the only sober one, Mom and Julie were giggling at everything, it was pretty funny), and giving Ellen her med school scrapbook and enjoying her and other people enjoying it. I love making a good scrapbook.

5.11.19 - Jane's birthday party

Jane turns two on Monday, so we decided to celebrate today (the Saturday before) when we had time.

Despite us putting the girls to bed at about the same time Friday night as we do every night, they stayed up much later than usual. Jack went to get gluten free cake mix and frosting for me to bake Jane's cake the night before, and when he got back (near 9pm) they were both standing in the nursery window. I thought this was actually a good thing because maybe they would sleep in the next day, giving us time to clean up before having guests over and pushing Jane's nap back further. But no. They woke up even earlier than typical--about 6:30 am or so), and it made for a hectic morning. Also I'm reaching the third trimester and starting to feel the difficulty of getting up and down off the floor, which makes cleaning harder. But with Jack's help we still got everything clean and the girls ready pretty much on time.

A little light reading on the way to the zoo.

We met Henry at the zoo entrance and Clara was very happy about that. She said "Hello Henry elephant" so you know he's one of her people.

In retrospect we probably could have skipped the zoo. Most of the first set of cages were empty. The tiger cage was interesting because the tigers were very active, pacing back and forth right by the front. They have beautiful eyes. Clara and I watched from one end of the fence and Jack had Jane on his shoulder about 10-15 ft away from us. We watched for awhile and suddenly one of the tigers ran up to the cage and ROARED right at Jane. It made me jump pretty hard and it scared the heck out of Jane. Poor girl started crying really hard and I had to take her pretty far away and comfort her for awhile and hold her for awhile longer. After that she pretty much wanted to stay in the stroller for a long time. I felt really bad for her.

Clara, on the other hand, seemed to take the tiger in stride and enjoy the zoo. She was interested in the animals and even more interested in the cut outs where she could pretend to be animals, haha. Eventually we got to a farm animal section (horses, cows, bees, mules) and Jane was ready to get back out of the stroller and explore. The farm animal section's exit put us right in front of the nearby playground. Once you exit the zoo to the playground, you can't re-enter, so Jack and I considered backtracking to see parts of the zoo we had skipped. But the girls had already seen the playground and were making a beeline for it, and since this is about them--especially Jane--enjoying the day we decided just to go for it.

The playground has a Western theme, covered wagon, general store, etc. It's pretty cute.

It was a good choice. The Folsom playground is really cute and the section for especially little kids is well designed. Jack took Clara on the bigger kids section and Henry and I followed Jane around in the little kids area. She was very happy. Grinning and toddling quickly from one section to another. We stayed for awhile, and of course once we headed back Jane fell asleep in the car.

Henry drove separately and went to pick up In & Out for everyone for lunch. Sarah had taken the train up and was waiting at a nearby Starbucks for us, so she met us at the apartment complex once we were close. To our surprise, Jane didn't stay down for a nap when we got home--I thought she'd be exhausted but she was ready to be up and hang out. I was worried she would be super fussy the rest of the day from going to bed late, getting up early, and taking such a short nap, but actually she was in a great mood. We hadn't even started cake, presents, or balloons yet and she and Clara were having a great time pretending to be baby birds together. Plus Henry came back with lunch and the girls were delighted to eat fries.

Henry also left again to pick them up balloons. He got each of them a pink and gold bunch of about 6, and they loved them. They played with those for a long time before we moved on to cake.

When we did get cake and sing "Happy Birthday," it was interesting to see how different Jane's reaction was to Clara's at her own 2nd birthday. Clara had been pretty shy and held on to me while everyone sang, whereas Jane just grinned and grinned at us. To be fair, though, at Clara's 2nd birthday there had been a lot more people. Anyway we told Jane to blow out the candles and, from about 2 feet away, she did a quick burst of air that had no effect, haha. So I blew them out for her, and then we took off the girls shirts to let them eat cake, which they got everywhere. When they were done Jane had cake all over not only her face and hands but also her stomach and shins.

We cleaned them up and it was time to open presents. Jane is not that bad at ripping off wrapping paper once you get it started for her. She wanted to stop and examine/play with each new gift before opening the next, which was sweet. It was a little difficult for Clara to understand that these gifts belonged to Jane, especially an electronic puppy Beth got her. Fortunately Jane seemed more interested in the crayons and magnet toys than the puppy initially, so Clara got to play with it a lot.

We spent the rest of the afternoon visiting and keeping the girls from arguing over toys or tangling their balloons. It was overall a pretty relaxing enjoyable day.

5.11.19 - Kid snippets: Jane objects to the weather

Alexa: You can expect sunny weather with a high of 84 degrees and a low of 52 degrees.
Jane stands up, clenches her fists: "NOOOO!"

5.9.19 - Kid snippets: Jane opens doors

In the last 24 hours Jane has figured out how to open the nursery door. This morning I was already awake when I heard the door tentatively open. I assumed it was Clara and I called quietly "Helloooo?" and I hear Jane whisper "Mama!" I still figured Clara had opened the door and Jane was just with her, but no--I went to get Jane and Clara was still fast asleep in bed.

Then tonight we put them both to bed, and about 10 minutes later I hear the door open again. I look over just as Jane runs smiling into the hallway. I said, kind of sternly, "No no Jane, it is time for bed!" Her smile vanished into a look of uncertainty and she did a 180 and toddled back into the room. But she did start crying--I think she thought she was in trouble--so Jack and I went back into the nursery and kissed and cuddled both of them before having them lay back down. Jane calmed immediately. Clara asked to give me a "Mom kiss" which apparently means she takes my face in both her hands and then slowly kisses my cheek. Very sweet. 

5.8.19 - Kid snippets: Jane doesn't want you to take her food

If I take any food off of Jane's plate, she stops eating, furrows her brow, turns to me, and in a reprimanding voice says, "Hey!"

5.5.19 - Chuck E. Cheese

Sensory Sunday at Chuck E. Cheese was great. No overhead music at all, most of the games noises turned way down, and really hardly anyone there. The sensory friendly time is from 9a-11a and then it switches to regular routine, so I guess most people don't want to bother getting to Chuck E. Cheese that early. The whole place had maybe a dozen kids in it.

Nice to let Clara play in the tubes knowing there were no other kids up there at all.

For the first 30 minutes or so we didn't even buy any game time or anything. Jane and Clara were thrilled just to look around and sit at games or on rides and observe the flashing lights. Eventually they realized the games and rides actually do things so we went ahead and got a game card and they rode a miniature merry go round and played some kind of alien driving game. They sat in mine and Jack's laps while we played Space Invaders, which I am fairly terrible at, but the girls thought it was amazing all the same.

First game they saw and the one they kept coming back to: Space Invaders.

We were there for one of Clara's classmate's 5th birthday parties so we got to sing Happy Birthday and Clara seemed sufficiently distracted by games/rides that she neither noticed nor cared that she couldn't have any of the (gluten) cake.

Singing Happy Birthday

I did bake and bring our own gluten free muffins as a substitute but she didn't want those either. At one point we sat as a family at our own table and ate the gluten free pizza I also baked and brought with us, and she seemed pretty happy about that.

Peaceful gluten free pizza time.

Jack was actually pretty into a lot of the games, haha. He also kept a close eye on the game play-to-ticket ratio to see what was most worth it, not that it matters because 300 tickets gets you like a few probably $0.50 toys. Still the girls enjoyed examining the prizes and we picked out a miniature telescope and those tiny plastic click clack toys. All the birthday guests also got goodie bags which included balloons and gluten free lollipops, both of which Clara is enjoying as I type this. Jane is passed out; about 2 minutes after we got home she crawled into bed willingly and went right to sleep. :)

Riding the Merry-Go-Round about 10 times.

Riding the hot chocolate ride, which Clara especially loved.

Jack was pretty into some of the games.

Girls happily assist Jack with Skeeball.