3.25.15 - Don & Merlene's visit

Don and Merlene came out last Thursday and left this afternoon. It was great having them here! Merlene made dinners every night, along with several breakfasts and lunches. She made Jack's favorite, tortellini, and also lasagna, Ahi tuna, and fajitas. All amazing. She made extra of some things and froze them so we could just defrost and have some real meals in between them leaving and the next friend or family coming to help. Very thoughtful.

Matching green.

Don and Merlene also babysat a lot - they would come over around 7am to watch Clara so Jack and I could sleep more after getting up several times in the night. They'd also take Clara when I needed to tend to other things and Jack was working. Or when I just needed to nap. Hugely helpful. They also watched Clara so Jack and I could have a wonderful sushi date night.

Matching black and white.

AND Merlene is particularly good at noticing what we need (even before I notice, in many cases) and just going out and getting it. She got us better tupperware, an ice container to hold all my frozen breast milk (#winning), a CD of 100 kids songs and a CD player to play it on, a crockpot, a large storage container to serve as ever-growing Clara's next "bassinet," and many other little things we really needed. AND Merlene helped with laundry and cleaning the whole time.

I mean they both just made things so easy around here--everything was taken care of so I was free to sleep and care for Clara and spend some time with Jack. Hopefully as I further recover from the C-section I'll have an easier time taking care of Clara when I'm on my own, but as I transition it's been such a relief to have help from family and friends. Jack and I are very supported and I feel so lucky.

3.22.15 - Ju Hachi date night

Tonight Don & Merlene babysat Clara so Jack and I could have a date night. Jack wanted to get sushi again, and this time we went to one of our tried-and-true spots, a hole-in-the-wall place near downtown called Ju Hachi.

Jack drove us there in little traffic (it was near 8pm on a Sunday). When I got out of the car there was a warm breeze and the street smelled strongly of honeysuckle. We held hands as we walked to the restaurant and when we got inside they were able to seat us immediately in a table in the corner--a favorite spot. Don and Merlene had insisted on giving us some money to help pay for the date, plus we had a little bit of cash they'd brought out from more family friends giving us baby gifts. This was especially nice because we could enjoy dinner without worrying so much over the cost.

We ordered one dinner special, sesame chicken, and several sushi rolls, including a roll that was invented during a sushi tournament, which is a thing, apparently. All together it was just enough food to be just a little too much for the two of us, so we got to take some home at the end.

Meanwhile we listened to acoustic versions of different 90s rock music and talked about all sorts of things. People have joked with me that during the first few breaks from Clara we will just end up talking about Clara anyway, and we did talk about her a fair bit. But we also talked about lots of other things too. We took our time and had a good visit, and I'm so glad we got the chance. It really is completely different getting to spend time together one-on-one than it is with other people, especially a little baby, however adorable she may be.

Even so, it was also nice to get home and cuddle with my daughter again, because she's the cutest thing. Overall a wonderful night.

3.22.15 - Cuddling

Just sat up with little miss because she was still crying about 15 minutes after Jack got her down. Just sat in the dark nursery, only the night light on, and fed her and held her up for awhile and burped her. But first thing was calming her down. It is so sweet how she can be full-throated screaming in her crib but within seconds is calm and cooing if I’m just holding her against my chest. I love cuddling with her. When I first paused outside the nursery door I thought maybe she had stopped crying already, and I was almost disappointed. If she had already stopped crying I would just go back to bed, and while sleep is precious now, so is getting a chance to cuddle with my love. I realized I wanted to cuddle whether she needed it or not, so we must both really enjoy it.

Taken the other day, when Clara fell asleep in my lap after breastfeeding.

 Anyway she did keep crying so I went in and picked her up and calmed her before feeding her some more. For awhile I just had her propped upright against my legs, with my feet resting on the ottoman, and she just laid there quietly, but eyes open, very calm. I just looked at her adorable face, her chubby little cheeks and resolute mouth and fuzzy head, and thought about how decades from now I may be just like Mom, super grateful to have a grandchild that looks like my little Clara so I can relive these baby moments. But I don’t need to feel nostalgic about it yet, because I’m living it now. I still have my little Clara right now and will for the next couple months (until she isn’t so little anymore), so I want to try to soak in this fleeting phase, even during middle-of-the-night sessions.

I also wondered what it was like for Mom to take care of baby me, and wondered at how bizarre it is that it’s as if I am taking care of baby me right now—at least that’s what Mom and others tell me: that Clara looks tremendously like I did as a baby. Of course I don’t really remember how I looked then.

While Clara sat upright digesting, I let my eyes wander around the nursery and think about Harry Potter and try to imagine what the nursery will seem like to a little child who has never known a different room. Which of the objects in the nursery now will stay with her for years, maybe even into adulthood? Which objects will she treasure as ones she has had her entire life, the way I treasure Marcy and Pink Panther? The Hobbes doll? Will she read Calvin and Hobbes? We do have the entire collection now, thanks to Tom. What about the Hogwarts Acceptance letter? When she gets old enough to read, will she be into Harry Potter and thus excited about the letter? What about the Gryffindor scarf? She sure is attracted to it now; it’d be cute if it stayed that way.

Eventually I burped her (or tried, didn’t get any big satisfying burps, just little attempts) and walked her around the nursery for awhile, and then laid her down. That was about 10 minutes ago and to my surprise she hasn’t cried yet. Usually she cries 5-15 minutes before falling asleep. Guess I got lucky. Such a little love.

Shut up and dance with me!

Such a happy song and such a great selection of movie dance scenes. :)

First day of spring!

From a road trip in 2005!

3.17.15 - Mom's Visit

Mom came out a week ago and left today. She was such a huge help. She made a lot of meals (pot roast, French toast, spinach sausage loaf, chicken Parmesan), cleaned a ton of stuff (including deep cleaning things like the pictures in the kitchen), and gave us a lot of tips on taking care of Clara. She got up in the middle of the night a couple times to take over when Jack and I were especially tired. She was there to help us two days ago when Clara had a terrifying choking episode, and she was there to take care of me (watch Clara, make breakfast, and so on while I rested) after Jack and I got back from the ER. She has been very encouraging, reassuring me that we will get a rhythm for this and figure it all out. And she loved spending time with Clara - gave Clara plenty of attention talking to her and singing to her when Jack and I were too tired or busy. It was really so wonderful to have Mom here to help us adjust to baby life.

Mom says holding Clara is like holding baby me all over again. <3

3.12.15 - Rocketism

Email from Dad:

I was working from home this week which means Rocket constantly asking me to go out and play (weather's been gorgeous - summer like).  He sits in my office on the couch or floor or on the back of my chair.   At 2pm I told him I'd go out and play at 4pm so he's been in here agonizing since.  

Rocket:  "Why can't you go out and play now"

Dad: "Because I have to work"

Rocket: "Who is making you do that?"

Dad: "No one, it's what I have to do to earn money"

Rocket: "Why do we need money?"

Dad: "To buy food.  Food costs money."

Rocket: "Even dessert?"

3.7.15 - Baby Support

So many things I'm grateful for and I wish I had more time to write!

We came home yesterday and since then Ellen has been going grocery shopping and making us meals. Last night she made bowtie pasta with broccoli and bacon, and tonight she made chicken Caesar salad. It's really nice to have someone taking care of that. She also cleans up as she goes, and generally is available for odds and ends.

Ellen and football Clara.

Today my friends Janice and Erin came over. They contacted me in advance to ask if I wanted any food, and I told them anything I can grab and eat in the night without prepping would be helpful. I thought they'd bring maybe a box of crackers or something. Instead they showed up with tons of snacks: chex mix, dried fruit, yogurt, grapes, protein bars, all sorts. They also brought me flowers. :) When they walked in the front door, Janice had the flowers behind her back and said "Wait, oh what's this?" as she pulled the out. It was cheesy and funny. They also got themselves sandwiches and brought me a roast beef sandwich. Just super generous and sweet.

They hung out for a couple hours and completely fawned over Clara--over her ears and nose and hair and little sighs and everything, took pics and some video. It was really awesome.

I've also had a few FB friends ask me for my address so they could send me mysterious gifts, another sweet thing.

I'm really looking forward to Mom coming out next week to help with everything. I usually only see her in the summer and at Christmas, so a bonus visit is awesome.

And of course Clara brings me joy. I love taking naps with her (her sleeping on my chest). Even though I wish breastfeeding was going better, I love the faces she makes as I try to get her to do it. She's hilarious--she can look so nonplussed and it cracks me up. Also, at one point last night I was trying to feed her and she was starting to cry, and I squirted some milk in her mouth and then she gave her first unambiguous big smile. It was totally delightful. I really wish I had a picture of it! And I adore her eyes--so big and a deep blue. I know they will probably darken over time but I love the way they are right now.

But above all, I am so grateful for Jack. He has been very attentive this whole week, and it hasn't lessened since we got home from the hospital. He reminds me about taking my medications. He grabs me things I need to prep for breastfeeding or pumping. If I'm breastfeeding he often sits beside me and encourages Clara (and me), which really helps. Today he took care of a whole bunch of logistical things--getting Clara enrolled in insurance, finding out where we need to return some items, arranging to get his own sleep apnea machine, unpacking our hospital bag, doing laundry, and all the while staying on diaper and swaddling duty. He frees me up to feed her and take naps with her and just take it easy. And he does all of it with enthusiasm. He clearly loves being a husband and dad and loves doing husband and dad-type of duties. I'm really amazed (again) at what a fantastic partner I've landed in him.

3.5.15 - Joys over meeting Clara

I don't have the time (or energy) to record all the details of the amazing experience that has been birthing (well, delivering) Clara and finding a rhythm with her over the last few days. Instead I will make a quick list of joys I'm grateful for:

• Clara's health, and mine, even after a last minute C-section
• The staff at this hospital, who have been incredibly friendly, positive, and encouraging. The nurses, lactatian consultants, doctors, residents - everyone has encouraged us and told us what good parents we are as we try to figure all this out for the first time.
• Jack, above all Jack. He's done a tremendous amount of work taking care of not just Clara but also me, especially while I was bed ridden during the epidural and post-surgery. He stays upbeat and positive, and is just taking tremendously good care of both Clara and me.
• Also, I love having my meals brought in by someone else and not having to worry about it.
• I've really enjoyed making post after post about Clara since I went into labor and seeing everyone's excited feedback on Facebook.
• I'm glad I'm allowed to eat solid foods again.
• I'm grateful to the point of bewildered over Clara. I don't think I've fully internalized yet that she is my daughter, as opposed to someone else's baby that I get to watch. I can only imagine how her personality will unfold as she gets older. Can't wait to see!

3.3.15 - Introducing Clara

I have a new love in my life. My first child, first daughter, Clara. Born 1:54am, 7lb 2oz, 20.5" long, lot of dark hair, blue eyes.

Can you see the blue? That's from Jack. :)

About an hour after the C-section. Jack and I love skin-to-skin contact with Clara.

See? Skin-to-skin for father-daughter nap. :)