11.30.17 - Dad's idea of agreeing

"Seems like most of the time Dad's idea of 'agreeing with me' is that we didn't physically attack him in protest" - Neil

11.30.17 - November joy statuses

11.28.17 - My Christmas pictures

Tonight I put up Christmas decorations. I thought about skipping it because it's a lot of work and the kids don't know the difference, but I'm glad I went ahead and did it. I love my Christmas decorations.

Every year I add a little more to my collection, usually by buying stuff at a major discount right after Christmas the year before. It's great because by the time the next Christmas season arrives, I've forgotten the new decor and I'm pleasantly surprised when I open up the Christmas boxes.

Last year, apparently, I ordered prints of some of my favorite Christmas memories to put in our living room photo frames. So tonight I went through those and chose which pictures to replace.

One of the pictures is of Grandpa and me from Christmas 2011. That was very bittersweet. I think about him often, actually, but I don't have a venue for talking about it really. It seems too personal for Facebook, and most of the people who miss him as much as I do are people I don't really want to talk to. So it's just an inner thought. I miss him.

"O Come, O Come Emmanuel" by The Piano Guys was playing for part of this, and made it all seem more timeless. Religious Christmas music reminds me of Christmases of my childhood but also makes me think of how moving the Christ story has been to millions of people over centuries, so yes, very timeless. I also had most of the lights off except the Christmas lights I'd just put up, so it all seemed sentimental if a bit somber.

In any case it was moving to go through my pictures. I have recent pics of Clara and Naomi with Jack dressed as Santa. I have older pics of sibling Secret Santa before I was married or we all had kids. I have even older pics of me as a kid seeing Santa. Every one of them is a great memory. I've always loved Christmas. And looking back on all of them made me feel like my life is very full of happy memories and good people.

Julie's Christmas cookie party - 2010

Mom's Pinterest Christmas tree brownies - 2013

Mom's lovely cozy living room, not sure what year

Naomi & Clara's first Santa pic - 2015

11.23.17 - Thanksgiving Day

We traveled all day yesterday from Sacramento to Denver airport to Colorado Springs to Dad's ranch about another 45 minutes away. I'm sure it was overwhelming for both the girls, but especially clara who (1) is old enough to be more anxious about all the unfamiliarity and (2) had barely slept at all. She did pass out near the end of the flight on Jack, but she woke up not 20 minutes later as we were trying to put all out stuff together to deplane, and then she didn't sleep the whole drive to COS, surprisingly. (Side note: Jack was so sweet on the plane trying to hold Clara still so she could sleep while still gathering our belongings with his feet and whatever.)

Anyway, Clara also fell asleep at the very end of our drive to the ranch. (We got there at like 10 p.m.) Jack took her upstairs and put her in the master bedroom but she woke up, and then he had to take her ponytails out and she was very fussy. I felt bad for her, but once Jack brought our bags up, I remembered we had packed her very favorite Maurader's Map blanket and her teddy bear (Bobo). I got the blanket out and gave it to her and she smiled and smushed her whole face into it. Then I got Bobo out and gave him to her and she gave him a big hug, and held on to both him and her blanket, and kept saying "It's Bobo!" and "It's a blanket!" It was so sweet.

We didn't even try to get her to sleep in a bed separate from us. The master bed is king size anyway, so it isn't really difficult to have sleep between us. I ended up sleeping on a matress on the floor most of the night with Jane (easier to nurse her that way without worrying about Clara kicking her or rolling on her or something).

Clara woke up at about 7:30am (which really isn't that bad - over 7 hours of almost continuous sleep is pretty good for me these days). She was fussy and teary eyed, I suspect because she didn't know where she was. But I cuddled her for a long while and she calmed down. Then she layed on her tummy next to me while I checked a few things online and absentmindedly rubbed her back. At one point I stopped rubbing her back to type something and she sat up, grabbed my hand, put it back on her back, and layed back down.

I softly sang "If I Only Had a Brain" to her and when I switched to "If I Only Had a Heart" I had Bobo sing it to her, which made her smile a lot. She eventually took him from me and snuggled him. It was a nice 15-20 minutes of quiet cuddle time with her while Jack and Jane slept.

Even after Jack and Jane woke up, we all hung out in the master bedroom for probably 45 minutes or so just taking our time. Jack built another fire in the wood burning stove and we kept that going for a while. Between that and the electric blanket it was cozy enough, although without those it would have been too cold. Clara had a smoothie and I skimmed FB to see what everyone else was doing to prep for the holiday. It was a pretty relaxing morning.

Eventually we got up and started getting ready to go. It took quite a while, but we left by 10:45 am, which isn't too bad. Henry went with us, and Neil and Emily stayed at the ranch to cook their vegan dishes.

Shortly after we got to Dad's, Dave called via FB (facetime? I think?) and Clara, Jane, and I got to see the Jackson clan at their Thanksgiving. In particular Clara and Naomi got to stare at each other through the phone for a bit. They both said hi a few times. Naomi was impressed with what she thought was a cupcake (actually an acorn) on Jane's onesie. It was nice to briefly see everyone.

It was weirdly calm and relaxed at Dad's. Normally on Thanksgiving it feels like a lot of bustling about trying to get everything ready in time, but Dad and Jill had prepped a lot of their food in advance, and Ellen, Everett, Henry, and my family had all gotten there so early we had hours to get ready. Ellen and Everett prepped green bean casserole and cheesy potatoes while I boiled sweet potatoes Jack, Henry, and Everett all took turns keeping an eye on Clara, and Jane got passed from person to person pretty regularly (and cheerfully). It's a lot easier getting cooking or anything else done with children around when there are so many adults to help look after the kids. It was nice to sip some wine while prepping food too.

After a while, Jill's younger brother Stuart and his family arrived. Jill had been particularly looking forward to this and had told me multiple times what a sweet guy Stuart is, and she was right. He was very friendly and joking around a lot. He was very easy to talk to. His son, Wilder, is about 6 months younger than Clara, so that gave his wife, Alexis, and me common ground to talk about, which was nice. I appreciate how often being a parent has made conversations with new people easier.

Stuart and Jill made a pretty delicious bowl of sangria, too. We had quite a bit of that.

It did start to be a bit of a rush at the end. Dad got into host/solution mode especially regarding the many dishes we needed to bake in only two ovens. He pulled it off well. By the time we were ready to eat we had covered the kitchen island, computer counter, coffee maker counter, and fully extended baker station with food, including sweet potato casserole (one vegan, one gluten free), cheesy potatoes, green bean casserole, rolls, the turkey, stuffing, vegan eggplant parmesan, vegan Swedish meatballs, vegan mac'n'cheese, cranberry salad, sangria, wine, beer, and of course a whole bunch of different pies...

 including the caramel rose applie pie from this video:

The feast was wonderful. Jane sat in my lap. The last week or so she's shown a lot more attention to my food, so today I decided to let her try the tiniest bit of sweet potato casserole. She seemed really taken aback, but I assume by the texture because sweet potato casserole is delicious. I didn't give her any more at that point. We'll start her properly with rice cereal when we get home. I had made one of the casseroles gluten free and tried to get Clara to try it but she wasn't having it. Amazingly picky eater, that girl, but it kind of works out in our favor.

After everyone digested (and cleaned up) a bit, a whole bunch of us played The Paper Game. I think there were 10 people playing, which is more than enough to only go around once, which is a nice change of pace. Also Sola had this big set of multicolored gel pens for everyone to use, which makes it easy to track who drew or wrote what since everyone has a different color. Neil's drawings are always some of my favorites but I gotta say Sola always impresses me with the Paper Game. She's a lot younger than everyone else playing but keeps up with the humor, both laughing and making others laugh. It's awesome.

Once The Paper Game was done (which gave us more time to digest) we busted out the pies. The caramel apple rose pie was delicious. So sweet. I think that's actually the only kind I ate, although yesterday I did try a slice of chocolate pie with homemade whipped cream. Jill also made a flourless chocolate cake and earlier I ate some of the leftover icing to that, also fantastic. So many wonderful foods.

We went back to the ranch house and this time we put the heater on, which is much more efficient and consistent then the fires. We still made fires in the living room and the wood burning oven of the master bedroom, and they were cozy too. 

11.22.17 - Glass half...

11.21.17 - I love being a mom.

Both Clara and Jane are growing fast. Jane had her 6 month checkup yesterday and she is 96% percentile for weight, 89% for head circumference, and 68% for height. My big girl, and such a cuddle. And Clara is finally moving into 3T clothes. We found out last week that since her failure to thrive diagnosis in March (when she was 3.9% for body weight) she's moved all the way to 25% at her 2.5 year check up. The GI specialist was pleased and called Clara's growth "amazing." So that was very encouraging.

Clara watches the morning rain.

Lately when Clara watches her Youtube playlists she keeps looking at Jack or me or both (whomever is in the room) to make sure we're watching too. She really wants us to participate. When I notice her looking at me I try to sing or count along and she gets really excited. She also tries to quote all her videos all while looking at me about every two seconds to see if I can see what a great job she's doing. It's adorable.

I love when she gets home and wants me to pick her up, or when she wakes up and wants to cuddle with me for a while. It was so recent that I could pick her up as a little toddler and hold her on my chest, and now her arms and legs are expanding around me when she hugs me. It will be the blink of an eye before she's getting difficult to pick up, and before she's too old to want to cuddle anymore. When I think of how long a lifespan is, 10 years of maybe cuddling is nothing! Trying to soak it all in.

Trying to give both girls attention at once.

I wonder if it will go as fast for Jane or any potential younger sibling when we aren't scrambling constantly to make rent. Every evening Clara watches tons of videos while I try to catch up on domestic stuff because I was working all day and Jack is always slammed with school. On the one hand she is learning her vocab mostly that way, but I wish I was spending more time with her. I love how she mimics the vocab in the exact tone and cadence of the speaker, and I love how proud she looks when I show I heard her or when I sing along with her.

Most weekday mornings I try not to wake Clara up when I go to get Jane to nurse before they go to Beth's. I especially hope Clara stays asleep on Tuesdays, because that's the morning I have to get the girls ready by myself (Jack is already at clinicals by 6 a.m.) This morning, though, Clara woke up as soon as I came in the nursery, so I got her up and gave her a sippy cup of milk. She stayed in bed drinking it while I took Jane in my room to nurse, but eventually Clara came into my room too to hang out. I asked her "Where's your cup?" and she got a big grin and ran into the nursery and came back brandishing her cup. I said "good job!" but before I could continue she responded, "Where's'a bwanket??" So I repeated her: "Where's your blanket?" and she ran into the nursery and brought back her beloved Maurader's Map blanket. I asked "Where's Bobo?" and she corrected me with "Where's wabbit?" So I conceded, "Where's rabbit?" and she ran into her room and came back with her little stuffed bunny rabbit. Then she climbed into bed with Jane and me, wrapped herself in her blanket, and layed there drinking her milk while I rubbed her leg with my free hand. It was a very sweet moment.

She got situated with her blanket and then layed there asking me for books.

In other sweet moments, I love when Jane stops fussing and grins at me as soon as I start singing to her. I also enjoy that I can put her on the floor in my room facing the apparently fascinating rocking chair, and she will scoot around down there for up to 20 minutes just hanging out while I work on the work laptop.

I've noticed lately Jane is getting very interested in anything I eat. She leans forward and stares at whatever food I have and then carefully watches as I put it in my mouth. It's probably about time to rock her world with the joy and glory that is food.

Jane in a onesie inherited from Rocket, of course. A very Papi onesie.

Clara is getting quite good at saying "I want" before naming the object she wants. Most commonly she says "I want juice (or cup)," and especially "I! Want! COMpooter!" (Her way of saying she wants to watch Youtube videos on the computer.) Unfortunately she also puts "I want" in front of things she doesn't want but is just observing, such as "I want clock" or "I want moon." We are trying to teach her to say "I see" instead. She'll get there eventually.

The speech therapist also recommended we teach Clara more hand signs. I found a children's educator named Patty Shukla who has a whole series of videos where she does basic signs. The last two weeks or so we've made this video part of Clara's bedtime routine:

We put her in PJs, brush her teeth, and then watch this video and practice the signs together. She loves it. She mostly watches Jack or me (or both) do the signs, but she tries a bit to do them herself, and sometimes during the day she starts singing this song and trying the signs again. Of course that's a far cry from using the signs in context but it's a great first step and certainly doesn't hurt. I find I am starting to use the sign "come here" a lot, and trying to be consistent about any other signs I know, like "stop," "water," and "sit." If nothing else, it can't hurt to know them.

11.4.17 - Jackson visit

Jacksons actually left last Tuesday (Halloween), but of course I haven't had a chance to write about it yet. The short version: the visit was great.

Outside of the pumpkin patch, we didn't all go do a lot together. And I felt a little anxious or guilty about Don & Merlene spending so much time just hanging around our tiny apartment. But they insisted that there purpose in visiting was to get to spend time with the grandkids, which is exactly what they were doing. They watched both girls on the Friday and Monday while I worked (a bit at Starbucks, a bit at home), and they even took them for a while Sunday afternoon so I could get in some extra work and Jack could go study. It was nice to have that flexiblity.

Clara says "shh" as they read "Good Night Moon."

It was also nice to get to visit with them in the in between times (between work sessions and whatever else was going on). I don't really talk to either of them much at all when we are in different states, but I find them very easy to talk to when we're in person. Don mostly listens, and Merlene and I talk a lot more. For example, I told them about the recent "retreat" weekend Dad had hosted in COS and what it was like.

The one time Don really smiles in pictures: when he's got his grandkids. <3

We also talked about Metropolis and why it wouldn't really work to visit there this Christmas holiday. Merlene was actually the one who brought it up. That revelation was a big relief to me because I was pretty sure Jack and I weren't going to go to Metrpolis, but I would have regretted if we made that decision against Merlene's wishes and hurt her feelings. Instead she is on our side in this, explaining that Clara's celiac diagnosis kind of tipped the scales. It was already going to be logistically difficult with four little ones (Clara, Naomi, Josiah, and Jane), but adding the dietary restrictions to it just made it prohibitive. I completely agree, but I was really glad Merlene saw it that way.

Bonding with Mimi at the playground.

In fact both of them, but especially Merlene, were really great about Clara's celiac. I was glad they had a chance to spend time with us in advance of us staying at their house for three weeks over Christmas, so they could see exactly how we do things and how careful we are about gluten. Merlene became a pro at reading labels to make sure things were safe, and she downloaded the Gluten Free Scanner on her phone. She said that she and Don are actually hoping to replace their floors before we arrive, partly because she doesn't know whether they have gluten in them (and partly because they were going to replace them anyway, I think). They didn't eat any gluten themselves during their stay with us, and Merlene asked me a lot of questions about how we prepared food and what all we had replaced in our kitchen. They plan to buy their own Magic Bullet blender to keep at their house just to use for Clara's smoothies. Just in general they seem to take the situation very seriously and it makes me feel so supported and really helps me look forward even more to Christmas, knowing Clara will be in a safe environment.

Love this pic of Jane especially, haha. Right before they went off to the sunny playground.

Part of the reason Merlene got so good at reading labels was because she and Don bought us TONS of food, including a whole lot of gluten-free foods that are usually a bit expensive for us to buy: pizza crust, muffin mix, Bisquick, oatmeal, breaded chicken, all specially gluten free. Merlene did a lot of cooking including making gluten free chocolate chip cookies (with cookie mix Katie had thoughtfully sent for us), gluten free peanut butter banana muffins, and gluten free pancakes (all of which Clara loved). Don took over the pancake making because apparently in their family Merlene doens't make pancakes ever and Don is the expert. He even made a smiley face pancake. And although gluten free grains usually have a different texture than their typical counterparts, I thought the pancakes and the chocolate chip cookies were still pretty delicious. I'm glad Clara doesn't have to miss out on too much with all these options.

Hungry Jane noms on Mimi's cheek.

It was also great that Don & Merlene got to spend so much time with the girls. They took both girls to the playground while I was working from home, and Jane slept the whole time, but Clara had a blast. I know she loves getting to run around outside.

Every time we have a visit with these guys I reflect on how very lucky I am to have such loving, supportive in-laws. I know so many people with more contentious relationships with their in-laws, but I really think it's a joy spending time with Jack's parents and his siblings.