MY WEDDING

It was so wonderful and I fear I won't have time to write about everything that happened, but at minimum here are some pictures:

Holmes!!

5.18.14 - Picnic in the park

This morning I spent hours putting together an itinerary for this coming week. I'm surprised at how much there is to keep track of even with as simple of a wedding as I've planned. I'm also very excited because the wedding and the days leading up to it are going to be so much fun! So many friends I haven't seen in so long--some I've never technically met before! And several people have contacted me in the last couple days to tell me how excited they are too. Talking about the food and music and set up and the after party--the more plans, the more exciting it is.

Also, recently Jack and I have had a lot more food in our fridge than we normally do. This is mostly because I took any food from the SF house that would go bad between now and when the first renters show up. I'm leaving for MO on Tuesday so if Jack doesn't eat that food between now and when he joins me it'll just be wasted. SO. Today I also made an elaborate fruit salad and an elaborate actual salad, and I threw in the gourmet cheese and crackers (elopement gift from the professor I work for!). Then Jack and I enjoyed the lovely weather by having a picnic in the park!

Alas, I didn't take any pictures. But here's a picture from Google Images "cheese picnic," which is kind of what it was like.

He has a big final tomorrow and he spent a lot of the picnic studying. I worked on my long overdue scrapbook (I'm so far behind) and generally had a pleasant time. Plus, any time I make Jack delicious food he gets really happy and tells me what a great woman I am, which is kind of funny. In fact today, when he discovered there was turkey bacon in the salad, he told me to name anything and I could have it, because I had given him bacon. Ha. If only that were true. :-P

5.14.14 - Flattery

On rare occasion loved ones of mine have told me that, when facing a difficult situation, they tried to imagine what I would do and did that. There might be higher compliments, but offhand I can't think of any! Very cool.

5.13.14 - When the lights go down in the city...

When I was a teenager I lived in the Midwest and my dad lived in San Francisco. My siblings and I used to visit him about once a month for a weekend. The combination of getting to see the parent you don't live with, getting to skip a day or two of school, and contrasting the stunning beauty of the bay area with my suburban hometown made San Francisco positively magical to me.

I was so in love with the city. I had postcards of it in my room back home. I had a cartoon map of it behind my bedroom door. I had (and still have, actually) a San Francisco snow globe that included Alcatraz, the Transamerica Pyramid, Coit Tower, and, of course, the Golden Gate Bridge. I used to stare at that snow globe and imagine I was in the city, and miss it.

This is the exact globe, actually.

Once my dad left a voicemail on my phone of him sitting on top of Fort Point, under the Golden Gate Bridge, during foggy weather. The voicemail included the foghorn, and I used to replay it and close my eyes and imagine I was also sitting under the Golden Gate.

I moved to San Francisco when I was 19. I waitressed at a local pizza place for a year while waiting for in-state tuition. I went to the City College of San Francisco for almost four years. I lived just across the bay in Berkeley for two more, and down in San Mateo for another year after that.

Of course living in a place is very different than visiting it for weekend getaways. And of course there are aspects of the city I dislike--no place is perfect. But in all the time I've lived in the bay area, I never fully got used to the sheer beauty of it. I love driving into the city, whether over the Golden Gate, over the Bay Bridge, or even coming from the south on 101. In each case, when the city first comes into view I think it's gorgeous.

And by now I have so many memories that further enrich the experience. The last few months I've been here a lot helping prepare my dad's house to be rented. The last one or two trips I've felt so very sentimental as I enter the city. Not tearful, not quite, but near that. Maybe it's because my life is entering a really new phase. This August I will have lived in California as an adult for 10 years. I keep thinking about what my life was like 10 years ago, and wondering what I'll be looking back on 10 years from now. Renting out the SF house adds to the poignancy, since it's possible none of my family will permanently live in San Francisco again. The end of an era.

The last few days I've been driving all around the city running errands for Dad as we finish up prepping the house. I realized I don't mind driving around at all, especially late at night, as it gives me an excuse to reminisce to myself about the places I'm driving past, to appreciate the beauty and the memories. I don't know why I feel as if I'm saying goodbye--we are only setting up a vacation rental home so we'll be able to come back and meet together at the house many times over still. Even so, I'm so nostalgic about it. This morning I drove past the Palace of Fine Arts on my way back from an errand and marveled at how many times--since childhood--I've walked around that place. I also drove through the Persidio along the same bus route that took me from the community college nearly every day for years, and thought about how much work that was and how proud I am to have finished it and come as far as I have. I also thought about the clubs and fun nights with Renata, and the visits from out-of-state friends.

The first time we ever hung out--at a club in SF. 2007.

Sarah and me on Mt. Tam. 2004.

All this to say: there's already been a lot of beauty and good memories in my life, and I'm not even 30 yet. I think I'm a very lucky person.

Sunflower centerpieces

My maid of honor and I are going to make fake sunflowers as centerpieces for the reception. I don't know which kind will try yet, but I'm sure they'll be awesome!

Embracing yourself.

I feel the same way when I see women in public without makeup. I like that look. It looks like confidence.

I can walk.

My dad was in a motorcycle accident a little over a week ago and fractured his pelvis. Now he can barely get around on crutches. Makes me realize how much I take being mobile for granted. I'm so glad I can get up from this laptop and saunter to the kitchen for a snack or walk over to the bedroom to crash without even giving it a 2nd thought. Lucky.

5.10.14 - Doug visit

I managed to stay productive for most of today while Jack was at work, though the stuff I was working on was usually not grading papers. Did a bunch of household chores, edited a piece for my friend Josh, sent our DJ most of our wedding music, and worked out for the first time in like a month and a half (I know, it's a disgrace!)

But the best part of the day was going to a sushi place downtown with Jack and our good old friend Doug. I got to meet Doug's girlfriend for the first time, even though they've been together over a year! She was sweet! She's very talkative and enthusiastic, and she told the story of how she and Doug got together, and it was a great story. Funny and romantic--she's a good storyteller. It made me proud of Doug, too, because the romance was mostly on his end and he really outdid most guys I've heard of. He basically learned to play a song she likes on accordion--it took him like a month--and surprised her with it outside her window at midnight one night. Pretty impressive.

Anyway so it was really nice getting to see them. We haven't seen Doug since last October, but it's nice whenever we get to.

Right after dinner, before they biked on their merry way.

After we got home, Jack and I looked up some easy youtube videos of new dance moves to try. We didn't actually try them yet but I expect when we have time we could learn a lot more. We also watched old home videos of Jack and Doug and others playing wall ball in Berkeley back in the day. While we were watching them and reminiscing about how long Jack has lived in CA now, Jack took our wedding rings out of the boxes and handing me mine. He wanted us to try them on together and see how they look with each other. We aren't going to really start wearing them until after the ring exchange at our reception (in only a couple weeks), but I thought it was a sweet gesture. He's clearly very happy about it. :)

5.9.14 - You rock me harder than some downtown band!

Listening to my country music playlist while getting chores done this morning. This song is so cheerful!

Song here.

5.8.14 - New Friends

Tonight I had dinner with a friend from my program. This is the 2nd time we've hung out, and both times we talked easily for hours. She's in a similar position in her life to mine, and she will be in the area I live in for a long time (in contrast with other friends from my program who move back to their home states once they graduate). I'm just happy to be forming friendships with more longevity. Also, she is getting married in a couple months and they plan to start a family right away, similar to my plans. I suspect it may be easier to be friends with other parents once I'm a mom, so maybe that'll work out okay too!

5.5.14 - Rocketism

Email from Jill:

Today Ed was drugged and slept through most of the day.  Rocket kept opening the door to the room whispering "Dad?".  After being told to stop several times by Jill he did it again and when she reprimanded him and told him again not to he asked "Why".

"Because it's his birthday, he's sleeping and it's not nice to wake him up when he's sleeping".

Rocket: "But I wake you up all the time"

5.5.14 - The Jefferson Move

Last Thursday Dad rented the moving truck to take a whole bunch of stuff from his house in San Francisco to his house in Colorado. Some of my friends came over and helped us start loading the truck Thursday night. We continued Friday morning and early afternoon, and Dad was getting increasingly stressed because he was determined to leave early Saturday morning but we still had a lot to do.

Then he went to pick up his newly-repaired motorcycle, and while riding it back home, he got in an accident. He's going to be okay, but he fractured his pelvis. Obviously he couldn't take the moving truck cross country, so he asked me to do it. So I did. (Well, I didn't really--one of his construction workers drove the truck, I simply accompanied the guy in case he needed a backup driver.)

There are a few things I want to remember for my Joy Inventory:

1. There was a stretch of desert (I think it was still in Nevada) where some of the rocky terrain smoothed out to very light patches of sand with a lot of dark, almost black rocks among them. This stretch is on the side of highway 80 in the middle of nowhere--we hadn't seen a town and wouldn't see a town for awhile. But I noticed most of the black rocks had been arranged in the white sand to spell messages: "Hi!" and "Jake loves Andrea" and shapes of hearts and things. In fact, it looked as if there weren't any black rocks left that weren't part of some message. You could barely see the messages because we were driving by so quickly, but I was thinking of all the people over all the years that had pulled over on this stretch of highway to create their little piece of timelessness for all the other drivers to see. It was really sweet.
2. I live in the parts of California where the Epic Beauty is the ocean. I love looking at it. It's so vast, and it makes me think of what lies on the other side, and about how huge the world is, and the universe. But this road trip also made me realize how much I enjoy the Epic Beauty of mountains. They make me think of what it was like for generations past to travel through them, how difficult that must have been and how brave they were. And they make me think of the phrase "purple mountains majesty" (even though none of them look purple to me). The mountains make me think of AMERICA in a very patriotic and nostalgic way.
3. I also saw a lot of long, colorful trains sliding pat the country side with the mountains as backdrop. That was pretty and nostalgic too.
4. We finally got to Colorado and I'm staying in Dad's house here, but no one else is here. It's very strange to be in this house when it's empty, as normally I'm only here for big family trips like Thanksgiving. Late last night it felt kind of lonely, but then I came upstairs and saw my stepmom had put up a whole bunch of framed photos along the hallway outside the bedrooms. There are photos of my siblings and me when we were kids, photos of my step- and half-siblings when they were littler and more recent ones, and all the photos are memories of happy and silly and sweet times. I walked down the hallway slowly and looked at every single one and felt overwhelmingly grateful to have a family I love so much (especially in light of recent events, given Dad is still alive!)

Leaving California, passing through the Sierra Nevada.

4.21.14 - Choosing rings

Tonight Jack and I went to get sized for rings. We weren't planning on actually purchasing any rings on site (and as of now we still haven't), but when we got there the man who helped us was so informative and friendly we stayed and chatted with him for quite awhile.

He told Jack that Jack is lucky because I am a "standard size 7" which means it should be easy to find a ring in my size without having to have it altered. He also helped us find something that was in our price range, engravable, and hypoallergenic. The jeweler showed us some cobalt rings, but we settled on tungsten carbide. Really we probably would have bought them on site, but the jeweler needs to verify that they are definitely hypoallergenic, and that he can find a ring in Jack's size by our deadline.

Either way, it was so enjoyable talking to him and trying rings on. We are getting very simple, underplayed rings, but they will have engravings on the inside, which I think makes it really personal. I did feel special trying on the ring I'll probably get. I'm looking forward to wearing it. :)

Jack looking at rings. :)

Afterward, Jack and I got a single scoop of ice cream to split and walked around the mall people watching. Then we went to the Elephant Bar for date night, but I was pretty full. Even so it was a good date; we talked a lot about our next steps and the future. It's so much less intimidating talking about the future now. I love it.

My HUSBAND (:D) and my family.

4.18.14 - Rocket's 4th birthday party.

Today we celebrated Rocket's 4th birthday party. He kept saying this means he's 4 already. I told him his real birthday is in two days, but today was his birthday party. He retorted that it was a real birthday party which counts a a party. Can't argue with that.

All day he kept asking when he could try the cake and open his presents and the like. It was nice to see his anticipation. Eventually our guests (one other family with two little girls) showed up, and we sang "Happy Birthday" and ate cake and opened presents. Rocket was pretty adorable about the whole thing, and was obviously very happy to have the other kids to play with.

After the party was over, everyone went home or out for the evening, and it was just Rocket and me, together. He played with his knew toys while I had dinner, then we both skyped with Jack. Rocket has been continually asking when he's going to see Jack, and even though Jack gets in town tomorrow evening, I thought it'd be nice if Rocket could see him a bit sooner. They pretended to shoot each other through the computer for awhile, and then Rocket asked if he could keep talking with Jack while he took his bath. So we did:

Click to enlarge and see little Rocket taking his bath.

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After bath time, Rocket sat quietly in my lap watching youtube videos of Disney songs. He couldn't get enough of "Why Should I Worry?" from Oliver & Company. I chatted with Julie to ward off boredom, planning what little is left to do for my upcoming wedding reception! (woohoo!)

Finally, Rocket told me he would like to go to bed. We took some of his new glow-in-the-dark star & galaxy set up to the bedroom and I showed him how it glowed. He was pretty excited about that. Then he asked me to tuck him in and give him a kiss and hug good night (how freaking precious is that?) and then he slept quietly the rest of the night, including up until this moment, after his parents have already returned home.

It was really nice to get to spend some one-on-one time with him.

So I got married - The wedding day.

The next morning I couldn't sleep. I wasn't nervous, but I was too excited. I woke up at about 6:30am (only 4-5 hours after falling asleep) and showered. Everyone else was out. Jack woke up not long after and we talked for awhile. I really enjoyed having Dave out, but it also made me appreciate any chance to get to spend time with Jack one-on-one. Normally we have all the one-on-one time we can stand because we are the only people living in our apartment, but with Dave visiting I got to see what it was like to share, haha.

Anyway, everyone woke up and started getting ready. It didn't take me long to get ready at all, and I felt surprisingly pretty considering I don't normally wear dresses or white. Ellen wanted me to put on more makeup but I didn't want to, and for the rest of the day every time I itched my eyes I was glad I didn't listen to her. :-P Jack struggled to get his tie a certain way and didn't want to ask Ellen for help (she knows how from past serving jobs) because he wanted to "be a man" about it, but he eventually gave in. Dork. The entire time we all got ready I was listening to Audra Mae's "Crazy Love," The Lumineers "Big Parade" and "Ho Hey," and Amos Lee's "Sweet Pea," all on repeat. 

"Ho Hey" lyrics, The Lumineers

While the others kept getting ready I went online and filled out our marriage license application in advance. Julie texted to ask me to let her know as soon as it was over. I asked whether she would be standing by, and she said it was all she could think about this morning!

On the way to the clerk's office Dave asked if we could get Starbucks first, and I said I'd rather get it after to make sure we weren't late (we had an appointment). Dave said something about how if that's what the bride wants, that's definitely what we'll do, and then he gave Ellen trouble for not being a supportive enough Maid of Honor to put the bride's wishes first, and they play argued about that for awhile. Actually they both made jokes the entire day about Dave being "The Best" and Ellen having or not having honor, and being a terrible maid (our apartment was kind of a wreck at the time).

On the way to the clerk's office.

We got to the clerk's office in great time and signed in. They asked whether either of us would be changing our names, and we said no. I had been slightly conflicted about that decision but in the end I am really glad I kept my original name. I feel much better about it. (A friend of mine also pointed out that it's cool they asked both of us whether either one of us was changing our name, rather than assuming I'd be the one to do it. I hadn't thought about that but it is kind of nice.)

We only waited a few minutes before they asked Jack and me to come back to a cubicle to fill out our license information. Dave and Ellen videotaped and photographed the entire process. They had us raise our right hands and swear the information we provided was correct and that there were no objections to our marriage. Dave joked (from the lobby a few feet away) that no one asked him or Ellen whether they objected, and he wanted to know when he'd have his chance. We were all sort of giggling about it, and then he pointed out he probably shouldn't be joking about it right after we swore to be telling the truth etc. Probably true. But I was glad for how light-hearted he kept everything.

We only had to wait a few minutes more before we went down the hallway to a small room with nice chairs and a cute little archway at one end. The officiant had us say our vows, and it only took about 30 seconds, but it was a wonderful moment. I was glad we looked right at each other as we said "I do." Such a quick moment, but so important. Later Dave said he almost teared up. Days later my step-mom did tear up when she watched the video. Aw.

Maid of Honor, Bride, Groom, Best Man

After the vows, Ellen and Dave signed as witnesses (all the while making jokes about who was "honorable" etc.) I texted Julie on the way to the car to let her know the ceremony was done so she could let me know when she was ready to videotape me calling and telling Mom. Meanwhile we all went to a semi-busy downtown Starbucks to get some caffeine while waiting for our restaurant to open for lunch. While there the barista congratulated both Jack and me and gave us $5 off for our happy day, haha.

We sat outside in the sunshine and videotaped as Jack called and told each of his parents. While Jack was talking to his dad he pointed out that we hadn't told anyone else yet, so Don shouldn't mention anything. Dave yelled from the background, "Yeah, don't snitch!" and Ellen added on, "Snitches get stitches." Dave thought that. was. hilarious. Julie still hadn't texted me back.

"Snitches get stitches."

Jack called Merlene, who initially asked if he was in jail! Haha. By then we were done with our Starbucks so we headed over to Magpie's for lunch. We arrived a little before they were open and waited in the car, still wondering why Julie hadn't gotten back to me. Ellen called Denny to see whether Julie was around, but he didn't know. Eventually Julie texted me to say she was waiting for Mom to get dressed, then to do this, that, or the other. We all waited in the car joking about speeches and "snitches get stitches" and the like and laughing a lot.

Finally I gave up and called Mom herself to see if Julie was around, but Mom didn't pick up. So I called Julie herself and told her just to give the phone to Mom. Apparently Julie still got it all on tape. I told Mom we'd gotten married and she screamed and laughed. It was a great reaction. Then I called Dad and Jill; Jill cheered and said congratulations, and Dad just said "Whaaaat?" but in a happy way.

By now we'd been waiting awhile and Magpie's was open. I decided to just text Neil and Everett, haha. I wrote:

Hey. So this morning Jack & I got married. So that happened. But don't tell anyone else yet, he hasn't told all of his family. Our parents & the sisters know. Oh and we're having a big party in MO on May 26th.

I further texted Neil and told him Jack and I were hoping he'd officiate. He texted me back simply saying "...call me." I called him, and he said he'd thought Dave had stolen my phone and was sending out prank texts. When I assured him it was true he was very excited, which was cool. He and Jack got to talk for awhile about it, and he told Jack he already feels more "Jackson-y." :)

We ordered sandwiches and a bottle of Riesling for lunch and sat outside again. Dave and Ellen and I ate and joked, and Jack joined us in between calling various fraternity brothers to ask them to be groomsmen.

After lunch we went home, changed into casual clothes, and Ellen and I cleaned up around the apartment while Dave and Jack went to buy beer, wine, ice cream, cheese, and crackers. Then we all drove into Davis with the windows down, singing along to "All Right Now," "Some Kind of Wonderful," "Fat-Bottomed Girls," and other such. We went to a park (apparently the only park in Davis where you're not supposed to drink) and sneakily poured wine into coffee travel mugs. Then we sipped and ate and played Tichu in the sun. It was so lovely.

In too short a time we had to leave to take Ellen to her shuttle back to Berkeley. As we were packing up the car I remembered to call Renata, first to wish her Happy Birthday, and then to tell her my news! She was thrilled and wished us so much happiness.

We took Ellen to the shuttle. We actually took her to the wrong spot on campus, and she almost missed it, but she ran for it and got there just in time. What a relief! We'd have had to drive her down to Berkeley otherwise.

Then Dave, Jack, and I went to the FSC, and I found Chris, Molly, and Shannon there. I announced that we'd gotten married and they all spontaneously hugged me, almost knocked me over. It was adorable. They asked me all about it, and Shannon insisted on buying pizza for everyone to celebrate. Molly and I went to a park by Shannon's house and sat in the grass and chatted for a long time. Dave and Jack went to get more beer but stayed gone, off chatting somewhere themselves.

Eventually we all met back at Shannon's and played Tichu until the pizza arrived. It was delicious, but between the wine I'd been sipping all day and other junk food, I realized I'd had too much. I ended up just laying on Shannon's floor while Dave and Shannon talked about UFOs for awhile.

Then we went home and crashed, full and happy. I finally changed our FB status and then very happily watched the reactions pour in. That's something I keep forgetting to add to my general Joy Inventory - when I post something major on FB and then people respond in real time for the next little while. In this case it was for the next couple hours.

(Click to enlarge)

While doing that we skyped with Merlene and told her all about the day and our plans for May. Both she and my mom were eager to help, which is nice.

It was really an awesome day. :)

So I got married - The days before.

His brother Dave came in town a few days before the ceremony. We had a really enjoyable visit. The first night Dave was here I made spinach sausage loaf and the three of us stayed up late talking. The next morning I made potatoes and banana pancakes. I really like having the time and mouths to cook for. Dave and I argued about ending sentences in prepositions and looked up this quote:

I had to TA a class that evening, but after I got home the three of us went out for burgers and beers (or Diet Coke, in my case) and chatted and laughed for a long time. We probably would have stayed even longer, but Jack was so exhausted he was nearly falling asleep at the table, so we went home. 

Goofing around at dinner.

I had to TA again the next morning, and then I drove back home (in beautiful weather) to pick up the guys. We stopped by Jack's work to pick up Dave's now-tailored suit, and he cracked jokes about us being groomzilla and bridezilla, and just generally goofed around. That guy makes me laugh out loud all the time.

We drove into Davis via a roundabout route to avoid the inevitable Picnic Day traffic. It gave us a chance to see some of downtown Sacramento and drive over that golden bridge, which I've never seen up close before. We parked at the FSC and walked through a field toward Davis, and on the way we came across a huge snake! Scared the hell out of me, I didn't want to move. But we got through the field without getting bitten and killed, so that's on my joy inventory too. :-P

We caught the tail end of Picnic Day and then enjoyed some In & Out (they have calorie information!) in the sun. For some reason that may have been my favorite part of the day, with such nice weather and delicious food and not being in any particular hurry. 

Reflection shot at In & Out.

As we walked back over the overpass we saw that highway traffic was really backed up--in the opposite direction of where we were headed! The direction we were going was smooth. Another joy.

We drove into San Francisco taking the 37 to get more scenery. I had a nice nap with the windows down, and Dave played a lot of 70s rock music, like he does. He and Jack sang along to a lot of Boston, and I thought about how happy they are to be together, which is really sweet. I'm glad Jack has good relationships with his family.

Brothers road-tripping.

We decided to try Mt. Tam since we were taking 101S anyway, and we got all the way to the entrance to the park only to realize it was closed. Oh well. It was very foggy anyway, I doubt we would've seen anything. The drive up and back down the mountain was still pretty in a mysterious, foggy kind of way--you could still see the mountain spread out with so many trees on hill after hill and such a steep drop off the side of the road.

Then there's the tunnel you go through and suddenly--BAM!--the Golden Gate Bridge looms before you. I love that part. Dave videotaped it while we all sang "Lights" by Journey at the top of our lungs. 

We got into SF and gave Dave a tour of the house. I enjoy showing new people the house, especially now that it's all finished being renovated. We were originally going to go out to a particular blues bar, but we opted instead to get some drinks and cigars and enjoy the music and lights and view on the rooftop. That was nice while it lasted, but due to some drunken loud neighbors on a nearby roof, we went back inside instead. We turned down the lights, turned on the music and disco ball, and kept drinking while playing 5 Crowns and talking about Dave's former band and all the songs they did and how they did them. Also, I won the game. Boom.

The next day (Sunday) I earned some good money thoroughly cleaning parts of Jefferson while Jack and Dave went all over the city (again, in beautiful weather). They walked to Ghiradelli, then up Columbus, all the way up to Coit Tower.

When they got back, Jack took a nap while Dave and I had good talks about parents and past relationships and money. Eventually Jack woke up, they went out and got Dave a blue tie, and we all packed up and headed to Berkeley. We picked up Ellen, and the four of us drove back home, joking about a Best Man/Maid of Honor speech competition and other aspects of the eventual wedding. We also listened to the Dan Band and other comedy songs.

We got In & Out at home. Ellen and Jack talked a lot about hormones, which was over mine and Dave's heads, so we talked about music. We went home and hung around awhile, then finally went to bed.

So I got married - The months before.

Last fall Jack and I started talking about possibly getting married. We had just gotten through a very difficult phase in our relationship, and the fact that we'd found a way to work through it was very reassuring to me. It's not the first time we've had a rough phase, but it was probably the roughest one yet. I actually think working through challenges makes me feel much more confident in the relationship than if we hadn't had any challenging times to begin with.

Between that earned confidence, our age, and our desire to ultimately have kids, I finally got to the point where I thought, "Are we going to do this or not?" Jack told me years ago that he'd marry me if I would let him, but that he'd stay by my side unmarried if that's what I needed to do. (Some have said that was a horrible attempt at a proposal, but I found it very romantic and selfless. And for those who really know me, they'll recognize it was probably the best thing he could have said.) In any case, it wasn't his resolve we were waiting on, clearly, but mine. And I finally got to the point where I thought I ought to just make decision.

We began talking about it, pretty tentatively at first. Then somehow the conversations evolved from "Should we do this?" to "If we did this, how would we do it?" We drew up a rough list of who we'd want to attend and it was quickly obvious any party would need to be in MO, as such a large proportion of our loved ones live there.

However, Jack and I are both nonreligious, and (unlike in California) MO only lets justices of the peace or people affiliated with religious institutions perform marriages. Additionally, we wouldn't be able to have the wedding until at least the summertime, but I didn't want to move our April anniversary. I very much wanted this wedding to be a way to formalize the relationship we already have, and not to be a way to say the last 5 years have only been a prelude to some "real" relationship. In that light I didn't want to change our anniversary. Next year I won't see us as having been together one year, but six.

So we decided to have a very simple legal ceremony as close to our original anniversary as possible. Our anniversary is April 13th--a Sunday this year--and the clerk's office isn't open on Sundays, so we scheduled an appointment for first thing Monday morning.

I really liked the idea of having a quiet, small, secret wedding. It took all the pressure of a Big Wedding Build Up off. It also made the wedding very much something between Jack and me, instead of us and everyone we know. It felt very intimate.

Originally we weren't even going to have any witnesses, and just pay extra for a court-appointed witness. However, through unrelated circumstances, Jack's brother Dave (whom Jack already planned to ask to be Best Man for our bigger party) was planning to visit Jack soon, and Jack's spring break would be the ideal time. And Jack's spring break is this week. So we decided to have Dave along to be a witness, and if Jack's Best Man is going to be there than I want my Maid of Honor there as well. Sooo over Christmas we each told our respective "best's" about our plans, and made sure they could be there for the big day. I wasn't there when Jack told Dave, but Jack said Dave was very happy about it. When I told Ellen she cheered, and I actually almost teared up. It was very sweet. And they've been great secret keepers ever since.

Because of the way I am about marriage, I thought between Christmas and our wedding date (yesterday) I would panic at some point, and feel very nervous and uncertain and skittish about going through with it.

To my very pleasant surprise, at no point did I panic. The closer we got to the day, the more excited I felt. Last week I felt anxiously excited and happy pretty much every day thinking about how soon we would be married.

April 7, 2014 text messages:
Me: You only have a week left of being unmarried. How does that feel?
Jack: Like prison! See ya!
Me: Lol

We were apart a lot these last two weeks because I was doing work in San Francisco and he has to work where we live, but it gave me a chance to think a lot about our relationship and all the aspects of him that I admire. It also gave me a chance to listen to romantic music, which I don't normally do around anyone else, and feel so much affection and happiness over our decision.

There was one point about a week out when I felt a little nervous. I started to think of things in terms of "the rest of my life" (e.g. "He's going to do XYZ pet peeve the rest of my life?") But I talked to him about it, and about why we make such a great match and what this marriage does and doesn't mean for us, and I was pretty much immediately reassured. Outside of those couple hours of slight nervousness, I've felt great the whole time, all the way up to and after the moment we said our vows.

Spring day date - less than two weeks until we'd be married!

Successful couples.