4.5.15 - Dad, Jill, and Rocket's visit

Dad, Jill, and Rocket came in town to meet Clara last week. They got in on a Wednesday afternoon, and that evening they, Jack, Clara, and I all went out to Bandera for dinner. We got a nice round booth in the corner of the upper floor, where we could see everything. Rocket sat between Jill and Dad, and Clara slept in her car seat between Jack and me.

We had roasted artichokes and cheesy cornbread, potatoes with scallions and filet, and plenty of Diet Coke. One of the many nice things about being around Dad and Jill is the sudden abundance of Diet Coke everywhere, haha. Clara slept the whole time. Rocket got really into "shooting" the sugar bowl. Jack ate his food and a lot of our delicious leftovers. And Dad and Jill and I talked a lot. Later we were ordering dessert and the server let us know that they had apple walnut cobbler (not listed on the menu). When she said that Dad literally pushed back in his seat and put his hands to his cheeks in happy surprise. It was hilarious. Obviously we ordered one, which was delicious. We left the restaurant happy and full (in beautiful summer evening type weather, by the way).

The next morning I had a follow up job interview. Dad, Jill, and Rocket came over pretty early so they could watch Clara while I got ready (Jack had to work at 7am). Jill stayed with Clara and Dad drove me to and picked me up from the interview. We dissected the pros and cons of it on the way home, and that was satisfying.

Over the next two days, Dad, Jill, and Rocket hung out at our apartment, making lots of food and generally helping with Clara. Well, Rocket wasn't a huge help, but Dad and Jill were. Rocket mostly watched stuff on the Kindle and rough-housed with Jack when Jack was around. Like this:

On Friday afternoon while Jack was at work, we all took a trip to the park up the street. Rocket enjoyed the playground while Jill watched, Dad worked, and I mostly sat and fed Clara. It was nice to get out in the beautiful weather though.

On Friday night, Dad and Jill took Clara back to the hotel and watched her so Jack and I could have a dessert date night. We went to the Elephant Bar (literally next door to their hotel, convenient) and got the dessert platter and took our time. It was delicious and enjoyable. It's more important than ever, I think, to have so me focused one-on-one time with Jack when neither of us is on a laptop.

Of course the brownie is the best part,
but it's all pretty good.

Another highlight: throughout the trip Dad and Jill checked out a bunch of my scrapbooks. I think that's the most anyone besides me has looked at my scrapbooks, and I really enjoy sharing them.

There were also several times when Dad and Jill would watch Clara so I could take a nap, and that was a huge joy. I get pretty tired in early evening. On Saturday we all went to the hotel and I slept while Dad, Jill, Rocket, and Clara hung out near the hot tub (obviously Clara wasn't in the hot tub). I slept solid until Jack came to visit us all on his meal break and run around the hotel halls with Rocket. It was a good nap.

Overall it was a really nice visit, albeit too brief. Hopefully they will start visiting us in Sacramento more, now that Jefferson is always rented out. I know they really enjoyed seeing l'il Clara.

Easter eggs!

Always loved this as a kid.

3.25.15 - Don & Merlene's visit

Don and Merlene came out last Thursday and left this afternoon. It was great having them here! Merlene made dinners every night, along with several breakfasts and lunches. She made Jack's favorite, tortellini, and also lasagna, Ahi tuna, and fajitas. All amazing. She made extra of some things and froze them so we could just defrost and have some real meals in between them leaving and the next friend or family coming to help. Very thoughtful.

Matching green.

Don and Merlene also babysat a lot - they would come over around 7am to watch Clara so Jack and I could sleep more after getting up several times in the night. They'd also take Clara when I needed to tend to other things and Jack was working. Or when I just needed to nap. Hugely helpful. They also watched Clara so Jack and I could have a wonderful sushi date night.

Matching black and white.

AND Merlene is particularly good at noticing what we need (even before I notice, in many cases) and just going out and getting it. She got us better tupperware, an ice container to hold all my frozen breast milk (#winning), a CD of 100 kids songs and a CD player to play it on, a crockpot, a large storage container to serve as ever-growing Clara's next "bassinet," and many other little things we really needed. AND Merlene helped with laundry and cleaning the whole time.

I mean they both just made things so easy around here--everything was taken care of so I was free to sleep and care for Clara and spend some time with Jack. Hopefully as I further recover from the C-section I'll have an easier time taking care of Clara when I'm on my own, but as I transition it's been such a relief to have help from family and friends. Jack and I are very supported and I feel so lucky.

3.22.15 - Ju Hachi date night

Tonight Don & Merlene babysat Clara so Jack and I could have a date night. Jack wanted to get sushi again, and this time we went to one of our tried-and-true spots, a hole-in-the-wall place near downtown called Ju Hachi.

Jack drove us there in little traffic (it was near 8pm on a Sunday). When I got out of the car there was a warm breeze and the street smelled strongly of honeysuckle. We held hands as we walked to the restaurant and when we got inside they were able to seat us immediately in a table in the corner--a favorite spot. Don and Merlene had insisted on giving us some money to help pay for the date, plus we had a little bit of cash they'd brought out from more family friends giving us baby gifts. This was especially nice because we could enjoy dinner without worrying so much over the cost.

We ordered one dinner special, sesame chicken, and several sushi rolls, including a roll that was invented during a sushi tournament, which is a thing, apparently. All together it was just enough food to be just a little too much for the two of us, so we got to take some home at the end.

Meanwhile we listened to acoustic versions of different 90s rock music and talked about all sorts of things. People have joked with me that during the first few breaks from Clara we will just end up talking about Clara anyway, and we did talk about her a fair bit. But we also talked about lots of other things too. We took our time and had a good visit, and I'm so glad we got the chance. It really is completely different getting to spend time together one-on-one than it is with other people, especially a little baby, however adorable she may be.

Even so, it was also nice to get home and cuddle with my daughter again, because she's the cutest thing. Overall a wonderful night.

3.22.15 - Cuddling

Just sat up with little miss because she was still crying about 15 minutes after Jack got her down. Just sat in the dark nursery, only the night light on, and fed her and held her up for awhile and burped her. But first thing was calming her down. It is so sweet how she can be full-throated screaming in her crib but within seconds is calm and cooing if I’m just holding her against my chest. I love cuddling with her. When I first paused outside the nursery door I thought maybe she had stopped crying already, and I was almost disappointed. If she had already stopped crying I would just go back to bed, and while sleep is precious now, so is getting a chance to cuddle with my love. I realized I wanted to cuddle whether she needed it or not, so we must both really enjoy it.

Taken the other day, when Clara fell asleep in my lap after breastfeeding.

 Anyway she did keep crying so I went in and picked her up and calmed her before feeding her some more. For awhile I just had her propped upright against my legs, with my feet resting on the ottoman, and she just laid there quietly, but eyes open, very calm. I just looked at her adorable face, her chubby little cheeks and resolute mouth and fuzzy head, and thought about how decades from now I may be just like Mom, super grateful to have a grandchild that looks like my little Clara so I can relive these baby moments. But I don’t need to feel nostalgic about it yet, because I’m living it now. I still have my little Clara right now and will for the next couple months (until she isn’t so little anymore), so I want to try to soak in this fleeting phase, even during middle-of-the-night sessions.

I also wondered what it was like for Mom to take care of baby me, and wondered at how bizarre it is that it’s as if I am taking care of baby me right now—at least that’s what Mom and others tell me: that Clara looks tremendously like I did as a baby. Of course I don’t really remember how I looked then.

While Clara sat upright digesting, I let my eyes wander around the nursery and think about Harry Potter and try to imagine what the nursery will seem like to a little child who has never known a different room. Which of the objects in the nursery now will stay with her for years, maybe even into adulthood? Which objects will she treasure as ones she has had her entire life, the way I treasure Marcy and Pink Panther? The Hobbes doll? Will she read Calvin and Hobbes? We do have the entire collection now, thanks to Tom. What about the Hogwarts Acceptance letter? When she gets old enough to read, will she be into Harry Potter and thus excited about the letter? What about the Gryffindor scarf? She sure is attracted to it now; it’d be cute if it stayed that way.

Eventually I burped her (or tried, didn’t get any big satisfying burps, just little attempts) and walked her around the nursery for awhile, and then laid her down. That was about 10 minutes ago and to my surprise she hasn’t cried yet. Usually she cries 5-15 minutes before falling asleep. Guess I got lucky. Such a little love.

Shut up and dance with me!

Such a happy song and such a great selection of movie dance scenes. :)

First day of spring!

From a road trip in 2005!

3.17.15 - Mom's Visit

Mom came out a week ago and left today. She was such a huge help. She made a lot of meals (pot roast, French toast, spinach sausage loaf, chicken Parmesan), cleaned a ton of stuff (including deep cleaning things like the pictures in the kitchen), and gave us a lot of tips on taking care of Clara. She got up in the middle of the night a couple times to take over when Jack and I were especially tired. She was there to help us two days ago when Clara had a terrifying choking episode, and she was there to take care of me (watch Clara, make breakfast, and so on while I rested) after Jack and I got back from the ER. She has been very encouraging, reassuring me that we will get a rhythm for this and figure it all out. And she loved spending time with Clara - gave Clara plenty of attention talking to her and singing to her when Jack and I were too tired or busy. It was really so wonderful to have Mom here to help us adjust to baby life.

Mom says holding Clara is like holding baby me all over again. <3

3.12.15 - Rocketism

Email from Dad:

I was working from home this week which means Rocket constantly asking me to go out and play (weather's been gorgeous - summer like).  He sits in my office on the couch or floor or on the back of my chair.   At 2pm I told him I'd go out and play at 4pm so he's been in here agonizing since.  

Rocket:  "Why can't you go out and play now"

Dad: "Because I have to work"

Rocket: "Who is making you do that?"

Dad: "No one, it's what I have to do to earn money"

Rocket: "Why do we need money?"

Dad: "To buy food.  Food costs money."

Rocket: "Even dessert?"

3.7.15 - Baby Support

So many things I'm grateful for and I wish I had more time to write!

We came home yesterday and since then Ellen has been going grocery shopping and making us meals. Last night she made bowtie pasta with broccoli and bacon, and tonight she made chicken Caesar salad. It's really nice to have someone taking care of that. She also cleans up as she goes, and generally is available for odds and ends.

Ellen and football Clara.

Today my friends Janice and Erin came over. They contacted me in advance to ask if I wanted any food, and I told them anything I can grab and eat in the night without prepping would be helpful. I thought they'd bring maybe a box of crackers or something. Instead they showed up with tons of snacks: chex mix, dried fruit, yogurt, grapes, protein bars, all sorts. They also brought me flowers. :) When they walked in the front door, Janice had the flowers behind her back and said "Wait, oh what's this?" as she pulled the out. It was cheesy and funny. They also got themselves sandwiches and brought me a roast beef sandwich. Just super generous and sweet.

They hung out for a couple hours and completely fawned over Clara--over her ears and nose and hair and little sighs and everything, took pics and some video. It was really awesome.

I've also had a few FB friends ask me for my address so they could send me mysterious gifts, another sweet thing.

I'm really looking forward to Mom coming out next week to help with everything. I usually only see her in the summer and at Christmas, so a bonus visit is awesome.

And of course Clara brings me joy. I love taking naps with her (her sleeping on my chest). Even though I wish breastfeeding was going better, I love the faces she makes as I try to get her to do it. She's hilarious--she can look so nonplussed and it cracks me up. Also, at one point last night I was trying to feed her and she was starting to cry, and I squirted some milk in her mouth and then she gave her first unambiguous big smile. It was totally delightful. I really wish I had a picture of it! And I adore her eyes--so big and a deep blue. I know they will probably darken over time but I love the way they are right now.

But above all, I am so grateful for Jack. He has been very attentive this whole week, and it hasn't lessened since we got home from the hospital. He reminds me about taking my medications. He grabs me things I need to prep for breastfeeding or pumping. If I'm breastfeeding he often sits beside me and encourages Clara (and me), which really helps. Today he took care of a whole bunch of logistical things--getting Clara enrolled in insurance, finding out where we need to return some items, arranging to get his own sleep apnea machine, unpacking our hospital bag, doing laundry, and all the while staying on diaper and swaddling duty. He frees me up to feed her and take naps with her and just take it easy. And he does all of it with enthusiasm. He clearly loves being a husband and dad and loves doing husband and dad-type of duties. I'm really amazed (again) at what a fantastic partner I've landed in him.

3.5.15 - Joys over meeting Clara

I don't have the time (or energy) to record all the details of the amazing experience that has been birthing (well, delivering) Clara and finding a rhythm with her over the last few days. Instead I will make a quick list of joys I'm grateful for:

• Clara's health, and mine, even after a last minute C-section
• The staff at this hospital, who have been incredibly friendly, positive, and encouraging. The nurses, lactatian consultants, doctors, residents - everyone has encouraged us and told us what good parents we are as we try to figure all this out for the first time.
• Jack, above all Jack. He's done a tremendous amount of work taking care of not just Clara but also me, especially while I was bed ridden during the epidural and post-surgery. He stays upbeat and positive, and is just taking tremendously good care of both Clara and me.
• Also, I love having my meals brought in by someone else and not having to worry about it.
• I've really enjoyed making post after post about Clara since I went into labor and seeing everyone's excited feedback on Facebook.
• I'm glad I'm allowed to eat solid foods again.
• I'm grateful to the point of bewildered over Clara. I don't think I've fully internalized yet that she is my daughter, as opposed to someone else's baby that I get to watch. I can only imagine how her personality will unfold as she gets older. Can't wait to see!

3.3.15 - Introducing Clara

I have a new love in my life. My first child, first daughter, Clara. Born 1:54am, 7lb 2oz, 20.5" long, lot of dark hair, blue eyes.

Can you see the blue? That's from Jack. :)

About an hour after the C-section. Jack and I love skin-to-skin contact with Clara.

See? Skin-to-skin for father-daughter nap. :)

2.23.15 - Jack's breathing machine

Jack has done a couple sleep studies to find out why he snores so intensely and gets such unsatisfying sleep. They think he has sleep apnea and last week they lent him a trial breathing machine to see if it helped. It's been wonderful! Not only does he not snore at all anymore, he wakes up rested and alert even after 6 hours or so (as opposed to before when he could sleep nearly 10 hours and still feel exhausted). Today he woke up energetic and we cleaned the apartment together and then finally did our video tour of the whole thing. I love getting stuff done with him, and it's much easier when he's not tired all the time. I hope we can get a permanent machine soon (and I hope insurance helps cover it!)

2.22.15 - 2nd Hospital Tour

Yesterday morning Jack and I went for a hospital tour of the Kaiser women and children’s department in Roseville. I’d been on the tour before but I wanted Jack to take it before Clara is born so he knows where everything is already. We got to see how to drop off the laboring mom, how the guy should check in and get past security, where triage, labor & delivery, and postpartum areas are, and so on. It’s a really nice hospital, new and well organized. Jack was impressed with the size of the labor rooms (as was I when I first saw them).

There were maybe 10 couples total taking the tour. I noticed Jack was one of the more physically affectionate of the guys, and I thought that was sweet. He kept rubbing my tummy or the back of my neck or holding my hand. Asking me if I needed to sit, and helping push me up when I got up from sitting. He was just a sweetheart the whole time, and he seemed very excited about the entire thing.

On a related note, every time we run errands now, when we get home he won’t let me carry anything into the apartment. He grabs all of the bags (groceries or whatever else) himself even when it’s ridiculous, and as I’m slowly waddling to the apartment he runs past me laughing maniacally. He calls me a sucker and says he wins, it’s pretty hilarious. Walking up stairs 39 weeks pregnant is tricky enough but it’s trickier when you’re laughing.

2.11.15 - ECV

This morning Jack and I (and Clara) went in for the ECV. I’ll cut to the chase: it went great. The procedure itself took less than two minutes and didn’t hurt too bad. But backing up…

Before we even left several friends (Renata, Molly, Erin) contacted me to tell me they were thinking of me or praying for me or to wish me good luck. It was comforting.

Jack drove us. Everything feels more tiring now so I like it that Jack likes to drive when we’re together. We left 45 mins in advance even though it’s only supposed to be a 20 min drive, and I’m glad we did because we got a little lost for a min and still got there before 9:30am with time to check in.

I changed into a hospital gown and Jack joined me (he’d been at admittance). They set up a fetal heart monitor and a heart monitor for me. The doctor came in and introduced himself and he was very chill and easy to talk to. He did an ultrasound and confirmed Clara was still breech. He showed me how hard he’d be pressing on my abdomen most likely, and it didn’t seem that bad at all. I was relieved.

Then a nurse (named Julie!) came in and set up and IV for me. It was strange to feel the cold sensation going up my arm. I’ve never had an IV before. She also gave me a shot of medicine to relax the uterus. They said the medicine would make my heart speed up but it never felt like it did.

We had to wait 20 minutes for the medicine to kick in, plus they have to monitor Clara’s heartbeat 20-40 minutes before the procedure for a non-stress test. Anytime Clara kicked or moved her heart monitor made loud whooshing sounds. It’s amazing how much the auditory part enhanced the feeling of the kicks, and Jack and I kept smiling and laughing. She was getting super active leading up to the procedure, which apparently is good because it makes it easier to move her.

Eventually the doctor and a nurse came in. They put by bed all the way back and then confirmed via ultrasound where Clara’s head and heart were, etc. The nurse told me to take deep breaths if it got uncomfortable. She said she had had an ECV done successfully and deep breaths helped. I also found that reassuring.

Anyway so they finally got started. I was fairly nervous. Jack held my hand. The doctor put one hand by Clara’s head and another by her bottom and started rotating her. It mostly just felt like odd pressure, but then it did start to hurt a bit. But she basically cooperated with him and in less than two minutes she was head-side down! So whatever pain there was wasn’t that bad because it was so brief. Ha!

The nurse re-set up the fetal heart monitor and we had another 20-40 minutes of tracking Clara to make sure she was not in distress or anything. Jack reckoned she’s more comfortable now that her head has a bit more space. The nurse brought me ice water and grape juice which Jack basically served to me because I had IVs and things on both my hands, plus I was at a weird angle. It was really sweet of him. He also texted all of both of our immediate families to let them know the procedure went well.

It didn’t seem like long before the doctor came back in and said we’re good to go. Jack helped me sit up and get dressed. He even put my socks on for me. He’s such a sweetheart, so eager to be supportive. We listened to cheerful music on the way home and then I made us lunch as he got ready for work. He was very upbeat, singing in the shower and hugging me a lot. J

I also got a lot of support from my dear FB community again, which always makes me feel good!

Later in the day Dad called to check in and see how everything went, which was nice. I told him all of the above and we talked about what it will be like to go from no-kids to a kid (compared to having one kid to then two, etc.) It's all very exciting!

2.10.15 - Clara's going home outfit

Tonight I put together a hospital bag so we can grab it and go if/when I go into labor. I included an outfit for Clara to wear home from the hospital: a newborn onesie with ducks on it, newborn pants with horizontal yellow and white stripes, some little socks, and the hat Merlene gave me that Jack himself wore home from the hospital as a newborn. I showed Jack all these tiny little clothes packed for Clara, and he laughed and was delighted. I’m so happy about how happy he is about all this. Plus it is cute to imagine that even these tiny clothes might seem big on her at first, haha.

2.5.15 - Mommy2Mommy

Today I'm grateful for the Mommy2Mommy group I'm in on Facebook. It's a secret group, which, in the Facebook world, means that no one can see it except the people in it, and no one can see what you post in it. This morning I had a checkup but my doctor was out sick, so I saw a midwife I've never seen before. One of the first things she asked is why I've gained so much weight in my pregnancy. I explained my doctor has previously told me not to worry about my weight unless she tells me to, and she hasn't said anything so I've tried not to worry. The midwife seemed to disagree and talked to me about how I could slow my gain. The conversation made me feel very bad (though I don't think that was her intention) because I already feel awkward and unattractive and gross as is.

However, I posted about it in the Mommy2Mommy group and got tons of support. As of now over 60 comments from women explaining they gained as much or more than I've gained in their pregnancies, and their doctors weren't worried about it, and they were able to lose the weight post-birth within different time frames. Many women encouraged me to listen to my doctor, not the midwife, and to rest assured that, as long as my blood pressure is good and I don't have other medical issues, the weight gain isn't cause for alarm--my body is doing what it needs to for the pregnancy.

I've been reading the comments as they keep coming in for the last 9 hours, and it has made me feel very supported and normal and reassured. So I am really grateful for that group.

Each of my parents and Jack were also reassuring, so that helped. I'm really glad to have so much support.

2014 Date Nights

1. Jan 8 - Temple Coffee & Tea
2. Jan 13 - American Hustle
3. Jan 20 - Frozen (drive-in)
4. Jan 27 - Sushi Unlimited
5. Feb 5 - Izakaya
6. Feb 10 - Leatherby's
7. Feb 17 - Chicago Fire Pizza
8. Feb 20 - Elephant Bar
9. Feb 26 - BreadCo
10. Mar 7 - Ju Hachi
11. Mar 13 - The Rink & Farrell's, very nostalgic
12. Mar 18 - Elephant Bar
13. Mar 24 - In & Out and Grand Budapest
14. April 5 - Starbucks and walk around Capitol Park
15. April 14 - GOT MARRIED
16. April 21 - Elephant Bar
17. May 15 - Neighbors (drive-in)
18. May 19 - Sushi Unlimited
19. May 30 - Elephant Bar
20. May 31 - In & Out
21. June 6 - X-men: Days of Future Past
22. June 11 - Sterling Bridges (gastropub)
23. June 18 - Edge of Tomorrow (only ones in the theater!)
24. June 19 - Yogurt Agogo
25. June 28 - Sterling Bridges
26. July 12 - Leatherby's
27. July 15 - Burgers & Brew
28. July 30 - Farell's
29. Aug 13 - Starlite Lounge
30. Aug 18 - Yogurt Agogo
31. Aug 21 - Guardians of the Galaxy
32. Aug 27 - 3 Fires Lounge
33. Sept 10 - Arthur Henry Supper Club (with Mike and Shannon)
34. Sept 12 - Gunther's
35. Sept 18 - Burgers & Brew
36. Sept 28 - Starbucks hot chocolate
37. Oct 2 - Burgers & Brew
38. Oct 5 - BreadCo
39. Oct 9 - Elephant Bar
40. Oct 15 - Starlite Lounge
41. Oct 22 - Burgers & Brew
42. Oct 26 - Gunther's
43. Nov 9 - The Tea Cup House
44. Dec 3 - Sawasdee Thai food
45. Dec 8 - In & Out and Mockingjay pt 1
46. Dec 10 - Cheesecake Factory (celebrate my health)
47. Dec 11 - Elephant Bar

1.21.15 - Hospital Tour & Baby Supplies

Last night I went to a late pregnancy class followed by a tour of the hospital where I'll be having Clara. The tour was both reassuring and exciting. The hospital is pretty new and very nice. Every labor room and postpartum room has only one bed (no shared rooms) with bathroom attached. There's a pantry on the postpartum floor for families to store food and access it easily when the new mom and baby are staying a few days. There's of course a nursery for new babies, but the tour guide explained that the nursery is usually pretty empty because our provider strongly encourages moms and babies to room in for the first few days and get used to each other, get a lot of skin-to-skin contact and bonding time. I like the sound of that. The postpartum rooms have chairs that fold out into small beds for the mom's support person (usually the husband) to sleep in if he wants to stay over night.

The late pregnancy instructor also gave us a printed list of supplies to pack in our hospital bags so we're ready to go come the big day. I've added it to my to do list.

With only 5 and a half weeks left (or so), I just can't believe how drastically mine and Jack's lives are about to change in the next month or two. I try to imagine what it will feel like and I can't, really. I just feel sort of awe-struck.

This morning Jack and I went shopping for the remaining baby supplies we hadn't already gotten through our baby showers. Happily, the gift cards we got through the baby showers covered the expenses. It was pretty fun shopping together for tiny little clothes and wash clothes and the like. I think we have everything we'll need for the first 3-4 months. Now it's just a matter of getting it all organized in our rather snug apartment. I've been hitting lab so hard the last couple weeks I haven't put much time into the apartment at all, but I hope to have a chance next week. I'm looking forward to it.

Uptown funk!