6.15.17 - The paradox of being home with a newborn.

Last night I was very tired way before Jane was, and so rather than let her wind down on her own, I tried to nurse her to sleep in bed. That was a mistake. She just woke up every 20-40 minutes for hours wanting to be held or comfort fed. By 2:30 am, when I was walking her around the living room trying to get her to settle, I was beyond frustrated to actually pissed, even if it makes no sense to be angry at an infant.

And yet with only a few hours of sleep (she settled down after that, thankfully), I was already back to almost looking forward to her stirring to I could pick her up and cuddle her and feed her again.

All the cool babies stick your butts in the air!

Similarly, this morning I put her on a quilt on the floor to give myself a break from having her on me all the time (either in the baby wrap or being carried). She started to fuss pretty quickly so I sat on the floor with her and started talking to her and singing to her. At first I was frustrated because, even though she was not physically attached to me, she was still keeping me from doing anything else (cleaning up, mostly, or other little chores I had in mind to get done). But a moment later my frustration melted away as I marveled at the little person she is, that Jack and I actually created her, and that she was already learning so much.

Tummy time while she checks out the animal puzzle pieces.

And of course every time she gives even the slightest of smiles, even a half smile, my heart totally melts. I spend a decent amount of time each day trying to get her to smile more. She's like the baby smile dealer.

The smile I got for singing Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy.

I love the feeling of her little fuzzy head. I can't seem to stop kissing her head or cheeks. I love that she's transitioning from only silence and cries to some coos mixed in there and other experimental vocal sounds. And she's starting to be more interactive a little, reacting to my voice for example, or to having something new to look at.

Can't stop kissing that fuzz head.

All of that is already delightful, and I know it only gets more enjoyable as she expands her abilities (half rolls, interest in the pictures in books, etc. - not to mention the ability to sleep in her crib for hours at a time, can't wait for that one.) It's cheering to think there's a lot to look forward to.