7.31.15 - Blueberry Girl

Based on recommendations from A Mighty Girl, I ordered the book "Blueberry Girl," by Neil Gaiman to add to Clara's collection. It has not disappointed!

It has a lot of sweet illustrations of girls of different ages and ethnicities and it's basically a poem of wishes a new mom has for her baby daughter. I love reading it to Clara, both because it has a kind of cadence to it and because it includes a lot of wishes I have for her. Sometimes reading it gives me goosebumps. I've read it to her well over a dozen times already, and I'm sure I'll read it countless more times. And she seems to like it well enough, even though she's too little to have any idea what I'm saying.

Here is the text:

"Ladies of light

and Ladies of darkness

and Ladies of never-you-mind,

This is a prayer for a blueberry girl.

First, may you ladies be kind.

Keep her from spindles and sleeps at sixteen,

let her stay waking and wise.

Nightmares at three or bad husbands at thirty,

these will not trouble her eyes.

Dull days at forty, false friends at fifteen--

let her have brave days and truth.

Let her go places that we've never been,

trust and delight in her youth.

Ladies of grace

and Ladies of favor

and Ladies of merciful night,

This is a prayer for a blueberry girl.

Grant her your clearness of sight.

Words can be worrisome, 

people complex,

motives and manners unclear.

Grant her the wisdom to choose her path right,

free from unkindness and fear.

Let her tell stories and dance in the rain,

somersault, tumble and run.

Her joys must be high as her sorrows are deep.

Let her grow like a weed in the sun.

Ladies of paradox,

Ladies of measure,

Ladies of shadows that fall,

This is a prayer for a blueberry girl.

Words written clear on a wall.

Help her to help herself.
Help her to stand.

Help her to lose and to find.

Teach her we're only as big as our dreams.

Show her that fortune is blind.

Truth is a thing she must find for herself,

precious and rare as a pearl.

Give her all these and a little bit more:

Gifts for a blueberry girl."

7.30.15 - Bet with Everett

Everett and I decided a week or so ago to do a getting-in-shape bet. I am eating "only" 2000 calories a day and he is working out at least an hour every day. Because I'm still pumping, 2000 calories a day is little enough for me to lose weight, apparently, as I've lost about 5 lbs so far. Before this I had plateaued in my post-pregnancy weight loss, so making more progress is great. Everett also says he is really glad we're doing the bet, as working out makes him feel good even if he isn't losing weight, and losing weight is a bonus. So glad to be losing weight, and to have siblings who inspire me.

As "evidence" and (really) motivation to keep our daily pact to each other, we made a FB album where we upload the photos of our efforts. My photos are all various foods I'm eating and how many calories they are, and Everett's photos are his face after an hour on the elliptical machine, plus the timing on the elliptical machine. He said he could think of a different face for each day we do this, haha.

Joy Inventory, sibling addition

Julie is great to talk to about parenting stuff. I can get tips and feedback from her about how she handled different baby phases that we are just going through for the first time.

Neil is an Excel god (among other technical abilities) and I can call him almost any time for quick references for how to do shortcuts in Excel, which is especially helpful as I slowly analyze my research data.

Ellen is a great person to vent to. I don't know how to explain it--it's like she gets so mad about the things I'm mad about it's almost as if she had gone through them personally. Something about that level of empathy is so cathartic.

Everett is helping me get back on the healthy eating/healthy portions wagon through the bet we're doing. I wish I had the self-control to just do what I need to for its own sake, but there's something about competition with my siblings that is way more motivating, and I'm really grateful for the accountability.

Love you guys. Thanks for all the support.

7.10.15 - CO summer trip

After we visited MO we flew directly to CO. Neil and Everett took the same flight out as us. Ellen was already there as she had been apartment hunting the weeks before. Julie and her family drove out so they could bring Charlie with them.

The CO trip was also too short and a bit hectic, but also had a lot of fun points. Highlights:

• When we first arrived at the house, the gigantic dining room table was covered in a feast of leftovers, including a spinach quiche, ribs, and a cream cheese pie (plus tons of other stuff). It was all delicious. It reminded me of the feast scene in Hook.
• Dad got Jack, Clara, and me a hotel room so we had a quiet, peaceful place to sleep each night. The room included a California King bed, which was wonderfully spacious and big enough for Clara to sleep between us with still enough room.

• The hotel had complimentary breakfast each morning, and since I had to wake up at 7am to pump anyway, the first morning we all three got up and went to get breakfast. While down there we found the Julie et al (who also had a hotel room) and we got to hang out with them for awhile, which was nice.

"Baby-off" with the Wolks during breakfast.

• The weather was pretty cool and rainy the whole time, which I loved, again, because of how dry California has been.
• It's really sweet to see how well Sola looks after all the younger kids. Apparently at some point Jill paid Sola for helping babysit, and Sola used the money to buy Zoey and Rocket gifts. What a sweetheart.
• One of the gifts Sola got Rocket was a big foam dice. Rocket and I played a game where we both just throw the dice and whoever rolls the higher number wins. He kept trying to orient the dice to land on 6 and drop it straight down, but since it's foam it would still bounce. It was funny to watch. He got pretty excited about our never-ending competition.
• The first night we were in town, Dad and Jill hired Ms. Kristin to watch the kids, and all the adults went out to sing Karaoke. I nursed one Angry Orchard the whole time (so I wouldn't have to worry about pumping and dumping) and we sang all night. Dad and Jill had hired the karaoke DJ for that night, so our group sang nearly every single song without having to wait. So fun.

• At one point Bryon picked "Come and Get Your Love" and somehow that evolved into Neil and Everett singing back up as if they were in a heavy metal band.
• The 2nd day a lot of the adults went to the ranch, but I stayed back with Clara and Jill and the kids, and I was glad I did. The house was much more peaceful. I sat in the family room and watched some Pokemon, and noticed Rocket subconsciously singing along to the theme song at the start of each new episode. Pretty cute. Later the bigger kids went to play in the backyard, and I went and sat on the front porch swing with Clara in the relative silence and sang to her and enjoyed the view. The front porch is my favorite part of that house. So peaceful and relaxing and pretty.
• After everyone came home, later that night, Neil, Everett, Ellen and I played DOOM for about 3 hours. It was such an absolute blast--possibly my favorite part of the entire trip. I was laughing almost nonstop the entire time, and so were they. Everett especially makes it more fun because he makes such ridiculous squeals and weird noises of desperation and laughter when he's trying not to be killed. At one point he and I were both on the "roof" of the level, which is a big open space, and he was trying to shoot me with the single barrel shotgun and he missed all 12 shots. I laughed so hard I cried. There were tons of hilarious moments like that, and we really only stopped because it was midnight and Jack and I needed to go back to the hotel and get Clara down.

• The next day the guys helped Dad pour concrete walkways in the backyard, and then all the siblings and their kids got to put our hand prints in the concrete next to the trampoline. Nostalgic.
• At some point Matt (who couldn't join us for the trip this year) sent a huge tin of caramel and cheese popcorn, and I munched on that throughout the whole trip. Delicious.

• The third night Ms. Kristin babysat again, and the rest of us went to the rodeo. It was raining really hard and Ms. Kristin was kind enough to lend us her car, since the Jeep had a window out. The seats for the rodeo were stadium style and covered, though, so the rain wasn't a problem once we got there. I got to see the every end of mutton busting, and then all the rest. Jack was really into it, cheering super loud. Neil and Everett were cracking jokes the whole time, and Harrison and Rocket were goofing around behind us and laughing pretty hard. It was a lot of fun.

Rodeo selfie.

• After we got back from the rodeo, Neil, Ellen, Everett, Jill, Sola and I played the paper game. It was Sola's first time, and she did a great job. Her drawings were hilarious and her descriptions included details she inferred herself, which always makes the game better. Even though we were all kind of tired, we had a lot of fun reading the results, and we played two games.

7.6.15 - MO Summer Trip

Jack, Clara, and I went back to MO for a quick few days to see everyone, and to let everyone meet Clara. The trip was chaotic because it was too short and we were trying to get visits in with everyone. Still, it was also fun. In no particular order, my joys from the trip:

• Clara did well on both flights to MO, sleeping a lot and not fussing much.
• Mom picked us up from the airport and she brought Neil with her, and she thoughtfully packed us a bunch of food to eat on the ride home.

Early in the morning, getting ready to fly out.

• Zoey was very interested in Clara and treated Clara very sweetly.

Zoey and Clara.

• I got to see Julie's new house and she gave us a tour. Also got to enjoy sibling time at the house and a bunch of junk food Mom bought.
• Jack and I stayed with his parents, and Merlene made us many delicious meals, including tortellini, taco salad, blueberry muffins for breakfast, etc.j
• Don and Merlene's living room couches are so comfy. I'd almost rather sleep on those than in a bed.
• I found time to go to Picasso's with Julie, and we got to sit in the decorative chairs just like old times.

• We had time to see Grandma and Grandpa for a few hours, at their house, which is nostalgic to me. Also Grandma made cherry pineapple dump cake, and it was amazing.

4 generations!

• We found time to visit Mom every day we were there, so she got some good cuddle time in with Clara.
• The weather was relatively cool and even rainy, which is so great for us from dry, dry California.
• Clara got to meet her cousin Naomi, and Jack and I joked with Aaron and Katie about Clara and Naomi being rivals. It was hilarious.
• Dave got to meet Clara and seemed to like her.

• Merlene introduced me to The Big Bang Theory and it actually was pretty funny.
• We had great weather for Sugar Creek winery and I got a nice buzz going.
• I took a break at Sugar Creek to go the car and pump, and while there I had a good PM convo with an old FB friend who is having a hard time. It made me grateful for technology all over again.
• Being a new parent gives me so much to talk about with other new parents. I had a lot of great visiting with Missy, and with Katie too.
• I got to talk one-on-one with my father-in-law more than I think I ever have before when he and I happened to both be awake early.
• Clara got used to sleeping in a pack and play in Don and Merlene's office, despite a rough first night.
• Don and Merlene got a lot of good visiting and cuddle time in with Clara.
• Jack had time to play Resistance with his and my brothers.
• He also had time to visit with some of his very old friends, including Ian and Chris.
• Jack's family managed to drive up from southern IL to meet Clara.

• That includes Clara meeting her namesake, Jack's paternal grandmother.
• Don and Merlene got some amazing photos of Clara and Naomi together. Some of the photos look downright professional.
• I got to see Eddie and Elisabeth briefly, and we laughed a lot playing 5 Crowns.
• Clara finally rolled onto her back, and though I wasn't in the room when it happened, apparently everyone cheered as if it were a sports event.

Familiarity

6.30.15 - Air conditioning

Today, it was like this:

Which made me realize I need to add this:

6.27.15 - Happy little girl

Right now I'm sitting in bed and Clara is lying on a baby blanket on the floor, and she's happily cooing to herself incessantly. It sounds like she's talking to herself and that she's pretty excited about something. It is absolutely adorable.

I also love how, if I cross her line of sight, she breaks into a huge grin like she's so happy to see me--even if I was just there 3 minutes ago, haha. She does the same with Jack when he first gets home from work: as soon as she seems him she starts grinning hugely. What a happy little girl.

I don't hate every GoT character.

6.20.15 - Birthday picnic!

Today was the day for the real celebration of my 30th birthday. I invited a bunch of friends to join me for a wine and dessert potluck picnic in the park, and I was really looking forward to it.

Unfortunately, the day got off to a rocky start. I got up with Clara for her early morning feeding, and after she ate and I changed her, I started to feel kind of dizzy. I put her in her crib and thought, "Maybe after a couple more hours of sleep I'll feel fine."

But a couple hours later (when Clara woke up again), I was even dizzier than before. In fact I couldn't walk without stumbling and I felt like I was going to be sick. However, I'm including this non-joyous incident in my joy inventory because of how it got resolved. (1) I called Jack and he was able to come home from work immediately to take care of Clara, which was a huge relief. (2) I called Mom and she sent me a link to a video showing different positions I can try to get rid of the vertigo. (3) The positions worked! That was a huge relief. And (4) it was interesting to learn the physical reasons behind the vertigo and its resolution (basically a calcium crystal breaks loose and moves to the liquid in the ear that normally tells you when you're moving your head; as the crystal moves through the liquid it makes you feel as if you're head is moving when it's not; trying the different positions helps you move the crystal back out of that part of the ear.)

Anyway, I was so so relieved to not feel sick anymore, and even more relieved that I wouldn't have to cancel my birthday picnic. So in that sense it was a good start to the day.

The weather had originally called for a high of a whopping 103, but luckily it only got up to the low 90s, even less in the shade where we set up. It was actually pretty nice out.

There was a ton of delicious food: bruschetta (Bryon and Ellen), Nutella rice krispies (Erin), pies (Janice), black bottomed cupcakes (me), a chocolate covered cheesecake (Gennilyn), apricot with gorgonzola and walnuts and honey (Shane and Max), ribs (Sarah), tons of fruit salad (with pineapple!) (Rachel and Ben), and chips and salsa (Shannon and Mike).

Leonard and Choque beg for ribs.
(There were about 6 dogs at our picnic.)

There was also plenty of wine, and I enjoyed some Moscato and some rose and got a nice buzz.

We brought stuff to play Tichu...

Jack and Clara's matching Tichu outfits say
"Don't Break The Rule" on the back.

wall ball...

Clara's first wall ball experience.

and the Paper Game (or "Index Card Game," in this case).

Reading Paper Game results. Jack falls off the slack line in the background.

Shannon also brought a slack line, which she, Jack, Shane, Max, Henry, and Ben especially liked playing with.

Jack, Shannon, Rachel, and Mike played a few games of wall ball, including one game to the word "Molly," which Jack won. However he lost on super game point to Shannon for the game to "#badknees."

I didn't do anything very physical, but I really enjoyed playing the Paper Game and eating so many delicious things and visiting with everyone, especially Ellen, who I wish was not moving far away. And almost everyone took a turn cuddling Clara, who still doesn't mind who is holding her one way or the other. It would be great if that lasted.

Shane and Max got some baby cuddles too, I just didn't get pics of it.

Our picnic was near a playground, so Clara got to experience swings for the first time ever. Look at her overjoyed face:

And, despite the potluck food and wine, some people also brought me gifts. Ellen delivered a prettily wrapped gift from all the siblings and Mom: a 2Tb external hard drive (and a Starbucks gift card). Gennilyn got me some gift cards and baby wipes, haha. Erin got me a gift card and some baby-themed scrapbooking stuff, which was really cute. Sarah got me a gift card too. And they all wrote really nice notes in the cards they got me, which I love. I'm not very interested in store bought cards that just have someone's signature or "Happy Birthday!" in them. But these cards had longer, thoughtful messages. Ellen delivered Mom's card and I read it aloud and Erin said it was going to make her cry. Mom talked about how the overwhelming feeling of love I have for Clara is how Mom has felt about me since Day 1. <3 It was all very touching and sweet.

After the picnic, Henry and Sarah came back to our apartment and played Tichu for awhile--Sarah and Jack won. Sarah had to head back, but Henry stayed and he and Jack and I talked at length about the recent Game of Thrones finale (Season 5) and everyone we love or love to hate. That was really fun too.

Overall it was a great day. I'm continually touched by how many friends I have and how generous they are and how loved they make me feel.

6.17.15 - Birthday Wishes

Every year one of my favorite parts of my birthday is seeing all the well wishes I get on my FB profile. I particularly look forward to the more personalized or funny greetings. Here are a few from this year:

This year I also thought of a new tradition: I asked everyone, as a birthday gift to me, to list three things making them happy today. It turned out great! It was really enjoyable reading about all the good things happening in people's lives. Here are only maybe half of the responses I got:

And finally, here is my own list of how well the day went:

6.15.15 - Sense8

6.13.15 - Andrew's visit

Today my old friend Andrew came over for lunch. I haven't seen him since January at my CA baby shower, and before that I don't even know when's the last time I saw him. But I love it when you see a friend for the first time in so long and you pick up right where you left off. The same familiarity, no awkward silences or missed beats.

He was kind enough both to buy lunch (Buca di Beppo) and to bring two bottles of wine for my upcoming birthday party, which he'll sadly have to miss. Jack was home on lunch break when Andrew got here so they got to see each other briefly. Then Andrew and I talked (okay, mostly I talked and he listened and laughed) for probably two hours or so, and it was great. One of the things I love about Andrew is how easily he laughs. He makes me feel hilarious!

It was so nice to catch up with an old friend. Hopefully he starts coming through this area more often.

6.8.15 - June Colorado visit

Clara and I went to visit Dad, Jill, and the kids for a weekend. I was nervous about traveling alone with Clara but overall it was fine. On the flight out she slept through check-in and security, woke up long enough to eat a bunch and get changed, then slept from takeoff until baggage claim! I couldn't have asked for more.

Jill picked us up and I enjoyed a visit with her on the ride back to Dad's house. Then Sola and Harrison finally got to meet Clara. Sola in particular was delighted, and I told her she could kiss Clara's cheeks as often as she liked as long as Clara didn't fuss about it. She took full advantage of that, haha.

The trip was short but sweet. It was nice for the grandparents (and Sola) to get to enjoy taking care of Clara. It's also always nice the kind of food they have at Dad's: skinny cow ice creams and full fat fruity yogurts and goldfish crackers and pistachios and all sorts of things I love.

My favorite part of the trip were the times when we would sit on the front porch for hours visiting. Their neighborhood is beautiful in the summer: so many huge green trees all along the street and so many houses with picket fences. The adults would sit and sip drinks and eat snacks and watch the kids play with bikes and dogs and the fountain and so on. We (the adults) would also take turns holding Clara and letting her sleep on us, and she seemed quite content with all of it.

Even this afternoon before I left for the airport, Dad and I sat on the porch swing chatting while Clara dozed and the other kids played with water guns and the fountain. It was so pleasant.

On the trip back I had probably half a dozen strangers remark at what a good baby Clara is. Those remarks make me feel so lucky, because I feel like it's just Clara's personality, more than training from Jack or me.

And then Jack was waiting for us at the airport when we got back. He couldn't wait to hold Clara and talk to her again. <3 So lucky to have him as husband and dad. He's in the other room right now just hanging out with her while she coos.