6.8.15 - June Colorado visit

Clara and I went to visit Dad, Jill, and the kids for a weekend. I was nervous about traveling alone with Clara but overall it was fine. On the flight out she slept through check-in and security, woke up long enough to eat a bunch and get changed, then slept from takeoff until baggage claim! I couldn't have asked for more.

Jill picked us up and I enjoyed a visit with her on the ride back to Dad's house. Then Sola and Harrison finally got to meet Clara. Sola in particular was delighted, and I told her she could kiss Clara's cheeks as often as she liked as long as Clara didn't fuss about it. She took full advantage of that, haha.

The trip was short but sweet. It was nice for the grandparents (and Sola) to get to enjoy taking care of Clara. It's also always nice the kind of food they have at Dad's: skinny cow ice creams and full fat fruity yogurts and goldfish crackers and pistachios and all sorts of things I love.

My favorite part of the trip were the times when we would sit on the front porch for hours visiting. Their neighborhood is beautiful in the summer: so many huge green trees all along the street and so many houses with picket fences. The adults would sit and sip drinks and eat snacks and watch the kids play with bikes and dogs and the fountain and so on. We (the adults) would also take turns holding Clara and letting her sleep on us, and she seemed quite content with all of it.

Even this afternoon before I left for the airport, Dad and I sat on the porch swing chatting while Clara dozed and the other kids played with water guns and the fountain. It was so pleasant.

On the trip back I had probably half a dozen strangers remark at what a good baby Clara is. Those remarks make me feel so lucky, because I feel like it's just Clara's personality, more than training from Jack or me.

And then Jack was waiting for us at the airport when we got back. He couldn't wait to hold Clara and talk to her again. <3 So lucky to have him as husband and dad. He's in the other room right now just hanging out with her while she coos.

Dance compilations

So fun and inspiring. :)

(If this link ever breaks, it's "Tanlines - All of Me: TV show dance compilation")

5.22.15 - Goodbye Stranger, It's Been Nice!

Tonight I listened to a CD I'd made over Christmas break in 2007. I don't know when I listened to the CD last, but it's been years. It played in the background while I sat on the couch feeding Clara for a good 20 or 30 minutes, and I reminisced on that time period. I was still at City College. I still had time to visit MO for nearly a month over Christmas. My friends, like me, were in their early twenties and, for the most part, weren't married, weren't done with school, didn't have kids either. We stayed up very late visiting, usually hanging out in the basement of Mom's old house.

For awhile I thought about those memories and what that phase felt like, and then I realized it won't be long before that time was a full decade ago. Stunning. I know life speeds up as we age--it's been doing that my whole life, just like everyone else's. Still, it's amazing to have such clear memories of certain times and then realize how long ago they were already, and they're only going to keep stretching away.

And that made me think about how soon it'll be a decade from now. Clara will be 10 years old, in 5th grade or so. And I'll find some other calm moment, and listen to some music I associate with this year (2015) and think about how she was just a tiny little baby I could hold in my arms, who would grab my fingers to pull toward her mouth or would fall asleep on my shoulder. I spend a lot of my days home alone with Clara doing the same things each day. But I already know that for the rest of my life I'm going to look back nostalgically on the phase when my babies *were* babies, and that thought helps me really enjoy (nearly) every moment now.

5.21.15 - Milestones everywhere!

Today was an especially pleasant one to spend at home with Clara.

Jack worked 7a - 4p. Clara was up around 6am and he took her at first, then I took over as he got ready for work. She went back to sleep around 7am and didn't really get back up until 10:30am, so I got to sleep in too, which is nice. Even after that she ate and I changed her and then she slept another couple hours, giving me time to do plenty of other things. I made a huge bowl of pasta salad and cleaned the kitchen. I did a little bit of paid work for the professor I work for. I got to pump in peace without her getting bored or fussy. It was really nice.

When she did finally get up she kept lifting her hips in the air and twisting to and fro, something we've noticed the last couple days. Jack mentioned earlier that it might be her attempt to start rolling over. Sure enough, only 10 minutes after I sent a picture of her hip twists to the grandparents, she rolled to her side and back! I was clearly more excited about this than she was, as she barely even reacted and just kept gumming her fists, but still, it was awesome. I quickly got the video camera and was lucky enough to capture her doing it a second time so that I could show Jack later when he got home. :)

So exciting!

She also started to take more swings at the little jungle animals hanging off her play set. At the beginning of the day it looked as if she was doing this almost accidentally, but by the end of this evening it was decidedly purposeful, which is pretty awesome. It's amazing watching her explore and learn already. One of the baby books I read while I was pregnant described babies as "little scientists" who experiment with everything as they figure things out, and that's exactly how I like to think of Clara.

Also, sometime today the FB page A Mighty Girl posted a link to their top 100 book picks for mighty girls. I got some time to peruse that link, and from there other links on Amazon and Goodreads, and I ended up picking out a bunch of books I would like to read to Clara as she gets older. I'm really excited about some of them, especially one called "You Are Stardust." One of the parents who reviewed it included some pictures of the illustrations, and it looks really beautiful. Can't wait to save a little extra to buy it for Clara. :)

Picking out all those books got me excited about reading to her, so we spread out on the living room floor and I read her "Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs" and "I'm Not Going To Get Up Today," both childhood favorites of mine. Obviously she can't understand any of the words yet, but she sat quietly and looked at the pictures the whole time for both books, which I think is impressive for one so little. I hope I'm already instilling a love of reading in her. I'm definitely instilling a love of reading to her, for me. Haha.

I feel very lucky to get to be home with her and watch her grow like this, and very lucky that Jack works so close by and can see her on meal breaks and doesn't take long to get home after work. Such a great phase in our lives.

5.18.15 - Supportive husband

Today Jack came home during his meal break, as he nearly always does, to watch Clara while I pumped. While he was home he also told me he really appreciates how he can go to work and know that I am taking care of Clara and our apartment and keeping things running at home. He also said he appreciates how much time it takes me to pump so we can feed her exclusively breast milk. It means a lot to me that he tells me he notices and appreciates it. It reassures me that we're partners, and equals, even though he brings in nearly all the money right now. What a sweet guy.

Taken two nights ago: goofing with Clara.

"Karate? The Dane Cook of martial arts?"

Archer is a surprisingly funny show.

5.10.15 - First Mother's Day

Today was my first Mother's Day, and that fact alone kinda tickled me. Jack had mentioned a few days ago that he was a little anxious about making it special for me. I thought it was sweet that (a) he cared enough to be anxious and (b) that he told me. I told him that I really just want some kind of acknowledgement, doesn't have to be anything elaborate.

He had to work 7a - 4p. But it was still a really nice day. Clara slept in until almost noon, so I got to sleep until I naturally wanted to wake, which was maybe the best gift anyone could give me. Good job, 2-month-old daughter.

"Love you, Mom! Zzzzzzz"

I hung out with her all day and her cute self. 

Getting ready to read "But No Elephants!"

I got a card and Starbucks gift card from Don & Merlene (very sweet). I also Skyped with them and the rest of the family for awhile. Clara fell asleep in my arms, which was hilarious. And friends of mine texted and FB messaged me all day wishing me a happy first Mother's Day. :)

When Jack got home we went to Starbucks for their last day of frappuccino happy hour. It was Clara's first time in a Starbucks, yayyy. 

Behold, Clara - you're 2nd home!

We then went to the park and sat and watched all the people there for Mother's Day picnics. There were a bunch of young boys playing soccer, including a boy so little the soccer ball went up to his knees. He was awful but he didn't seem to care. There was also a family just a few yards away from us. The dad was wrestling around with his 5-ish year old son, who was laughing hysterically. The son would hide behind his mom and then the dad would "wrestle" the mom to the ground and all three of them were laughing. It was ridiculously adorable.

After we got home, Clara cuddled and slept on me while Jack went to get groceries for dinner. 

She woke up before he got home and I took her on a walk around the apartment complex. The sun had just set so it was still light out but no direct sunlight making her lurch away like she does. She stared and stared at the trees in the breeze, at the sky, at some flowers in the parking lot. She was almost entirely silent the whole time except for a satisfied little sigh she gave now and then. It was really sweet. At one point some neighbors were heading back to their apartment from picking up some food; they had a boy who looked to be about 3 who was fascinated with Clara and kept walking toward her. Eventually he turned around and waved goodbye as he headed back to his mom. It was really cute.

Jack came home and we Skyped again with Don and Merlene while Jack made dinner. Then Clara kindly fell asleep in her swing while Jack and I enjoyed chicken tortellini and garlic bread and Moscato. It's the first time I've felt buzzed since last spring. I think it's really sweet that Jack put so much effort in. He makes me feel very loved.

Overall, great first Mother's Day!

Clara smiles

4.27.15 - pancake breakfast!

4.26.15 - My Girl

Clara is sitting in her storage container cooing delightedly at the fan, and "My Girl" comes on the CD player. And I'm talking to her and playing the nose boop game and thinking how this song is the soundtrack to this moment in my life, because I am so in love with my daughter.

4.19.15 - 6th Anniversary celebration

Yesterday Ellen and Bryon drove up from the bay area so they could babysit Clara overnight while Jack and I celebrated our anniversary. They got here in the afternoon, and I spent an hour or so showing Ellen how to diaper and feed Clara and explaining Clara's cues and how to put her down for bed time. It was fun. Ellen is pretty laid back and confident about the whole thing, and I'm confident in her because of her confidence, and because she's smart. Having a babysitter I trust makes a big difference in how much I can relax while away.

Anyway, so Jack and I got ready to go, and, on his suggestion, went to get some sushi in advance of dinner, since dinner would really just be small food plates. We went to our favorite tucked away sushi spot - Ju Hachi - and happened to get there right when their Happy Hour started. That means we got Jack's favorite--California rolls--for $5 each. I also ordered a roll I'd been curious about many times before: the Madonna roll. It's fried chicken in a sushi roll. I don't think it counts as real sushi, but it was still delicious. Another first: mochi chocolate ice cream for dessert. The texture was strange but, hey, it was chocolate, so I was happy.

Fried chicken roll.

Meanwhile the weather was absolutely perfect. Probably low- or mid-70s and sunny. That can make a big difference in the mood too. It was so comfortable.

We drove downtown to check in to our hotel. They charge extra for parking so we parked a few blocks away and walked, but I was kind of glad for the chance to walk around. I'm home alone with Clara a lot--not much walking around in my own apartment. When she gets a little older maybe we'll go for walks together around the neighborhood, but for now I really am just in the apartment a lot. So walking a few blocks to the hotel in the perfect weather was pretty nice.

The hotel (the Hyatt) had automated check-in. Given how long airports have had the same, I wasn't surprised, but I'd never gotten to use automated check-in for a hotel before and I liked it. Skipped the line, just like with self-checkout lanes at grocery stores. And the hotel was beautiful. Huge, and clean and new and pretty. There were a lot of people milling around that were very dressed up (I wasn't dressed up at all). Then again there were also a lot of people dressed for what looked like road and bike trips around the area to have some California adventures. Anyway, we found our room which had a king size raised bed and a view of the state capitol park. I snuck a cat nap before dinner and it was so peaceful and uninterrupted.

Then we headed out to Revolution Wines. We picked that place because we had a Groupon: $32 for 4 glasses of wine and 4 small plates. Some wine tasting places are kind of formal, but this was a very laid back atmosphere. In fact it reminded me of Berkeley in a nostalgic way. We got there about an hour before sunset and got a table for two on their patio. No wait. About 2/3rds of the tables were full, which I think is perfect--you feel like the place is happening but it's not overly crowded or noisy.

I have to say, most of the restrictions I had during pregnancy didn't really bother me, but I did miss drinking wine. Since having Clara I've had a glass here and there, not enough to really savor it and not enough to get buzzed. So this date was the first chance I had to really enjoy wine again. I ordered a white wine described as having flavors of pear and nectarine. It was delicious! Not too sweet. And there's something about the summer evening open air and first sipping wine after not having any in a bit that strongly reminded me of L'abri, also in a very nostalgic way. I really enjoyed that. Jack liked his Zinfandel too.

We got four small plates: bruschetta, bacon cheese dip, a fromage plate, and, easily best of all, a fruit bruschetta. That included the same crusty bread but covered in honey and diced pears and some kind of goat cheese. It was amazing! I'm glad Jack had the idea of getting sushi earlier, because we weren't too terribly hungry and we could take our time and munch and enjoy the flavor.

I really like dates that last a little while. Jack and I nearly always get food for our dates, but we both eat so quickly our dates rarely last even an hour. But wine is different--you sip it slowly--so we were there for almost 2 hours and had plenty of time to talk and joke. It was great. So relaxing and tasty.

Afterward we went back to the hotel and finally got Jack's poor, ancient laptop to play the newest episode of Game of Thrones (we decided to watch it then because we knew we could watch it all the way through, uninterrupted). I barely made it until the end, though, I was so sleepy. Then I passed out in a huge comfortable bed for the night, and that was great too.

When we got back the next morning, Ellen reported there had been no problems with Clara, which is great. I was glad to see her and cuddle her again but also glad for the time one-on-one with Jack. Overall a wonderful anniversary!

4.13.15 - 6th Anniversary

Jack first asked me out in December of 2008, but it wasn't until April 13, 2009 that he asked why we shouldn't date exclusively. Today is our 6th anniversary (6 years together, 1 year married (already!)).

Love this man.

We probably won't be able to do much because it's a weekday and we have Clara and, most of all, Jack worked 3am to noon and is exhausted. That's okay--we are celebrating this weekend while Ellen watches Clara. But meanwhile we are marking the day in some small ways.

First of all, Jack came home on his "lunch" break (around 7am). I was asleep, and pretty out of it, having already been up with Clara and to pump. I remember waking up when he came in and realizing I was very hungry, but I didn't want to get out of bed and lose precious sleep time when Clara was still asleep. I muttered something to Jack about how it would be nice if we had some ham and pineapple pizza (no idea what made me think of that specifically).

Fast forward to a little after noon, I'm hanging out with Clara in the kitchen (she was fascinated looking at the spice rack) and Jack comes home with a ham and pineapple pizza and 2 liter of diet cola (okay, it was Pepsi - can't have everything :-P). I didn't remember that I'd said anything that morning, and Jack's boss often buys him lunch after a difficult shift, so I asked, "Wow, did someone get that for you?" and he replied, "No, someone got it for you! ...It's not much, but Happy Anniversary."

I thought that was the sweetest thing.

So we ate pizza and watched videos of Clara that we haven't uploaded yet. Meanwhile Clara slept in her swing.

Later tonight I hope to have some mini Reese's cups and Lambrusco wine and watch Scrubs - all of which are things we did often when we first first began dating. Or maybe we'll watch home videos of our wedding instead. Or maybe both.

4.12.15 - Loving daddy

Because I already get up every 3 hours to pump, Jack is almost always the one who gets up with Clara in the middle of the night. I know that's hard for him to do because he works every day and he is also tired (Clara makes the whole family tired, herself included). Sometimes I wake up enough to hear her fussing or crying as he tries to feed and diaper her and get her back to bed. I imagine he'd feel frustrated, but instead I often hear him laughing or talking sweetly to her as he takes care of her. She's not even a month and a half old yet, and he is already a loving, actively involved daddy, and that is definitely a joy to me.

*kiss*

4.11.15 - Clara's progress

The first week or two home from the hospital, Clara would wake up multiple times throughout the night, sometimes with only an hour or less of sleep in between. We expected that. What we didn't expect was that by 4 weeks old she was sleeping 3 or 4 hour stretches every night, and getting into a routine without us hardly doing anything. At first I thought it was a phase, too good to be true--and I suppose it still could be. But we are halfway through week 5 and she still only wakes up once in the middle of the night, and that is definitely a joy for us. In fact I've discovered if I give her a bath shortly before "bedtime" (between 10 and 11pm) she'll sleep 4.5 hours straight, which gives Jack a nice stretch of sleep too, since he is usually the one to get up with her.

Talking to her crib.

Also, in the last 4-5 days I've noticed I can put her down in her crib or in her "bassinet" (the under-the-bed storage container we let her hang out in while in the living room) and she won't start fussing right away like she used to. In fact she will hang out and stare at the slabs of her crib or watch the ceiling fan or stare at Hobbes (if I set him near her) and just kick and coo and exclaim to herself for sometimes 20 minutes at a time. This is a joy both because I think she's adorable to listen to and because it gives me a break from holding her incessantly and lets me get other things done, like cleaning up a little or writing a Joy Inventory blog post, haha.

Talking to her best friend Hobbes.

I've also noticed she smiles more often when I'm singing to her. In fact just a little while ago she was being pretty fussy and I wasn't sure why - she was full and I just changed her diaper and she didn't seem tired. I tried walking her around and it didn't help much, so then I just held her right in front of me and started singing "Oh Darling" by the Beatles. The moment I started singing it (I've sung it to her many times already) she broke into a grin, and then she reverted to being upset for just a moment, and then broke into another grin. As I sang to her she mostly stared intently at me but she also smiled two or three more times. It's delightful. I love to see her smiles any time but it's even sweeter to think she likes when I sing to her.

She seems like a pretty easy baby so far. I feel lucky.

4.8.15 - Jack quotes

Jack put Clara down and she instinctively threw both her hands above her head. Jack: "Yeah, this is a stick up! Put all your hugs and kisses in the bag!"

Once Clara was down and still sleeping, Jack got his lunch. She startled when he opened a can of Diet Coke. Jack: "What was that?? Was that the sound of a Diet Coke can?? ...That's right, opening Diet Coke cans sounds different than opening other soda cans. So refreshing and delicious."

4.7.15 - Morning baby

At 9am Clara seemed awake but not hungry and I really needed to pump, so I asked Jack to watch her until I was done and then I'd take her so he could get some more sleep. She ended up falling asleep on his chest (always adorable) so it wasn't too big of an issue.

When I went to get her about half and hour later she stretched and stretched and seemed to be waking up. I don't like to shove a bottle in her mouth unasked, so while I was waiting for her to show signs of hunger I started singing to her. Before I started singing she had been kind of squirmy and grunty (not upset, just active), and when I started singing she held still and focused on me. At her age, focusing on anything is an accomplishment, so that was pretty cute. Then I was singing "Kiss the Girl" (Little Mermaid) and she gave me two huge open-mouthed grins! If only I'd had a video of it! I tell you what, her smiles just delight me. Maybe it's just in my head, but it does seem like she smiled more often when I sing to her, and I love the thought of it.

She's also started cooing more and having more of a range of noises she makes, which is cute.

Then we did some tummy time on the boppy pillow, and not only did she do a few good head lifts, at one point she lifted her whole upper body up on her elbows. It's definitely a joy to watch her develop. I like to think she's pretty excited about her new found super power of holding herself up for a few seconds. :) Love my little one.

This smile is not as big as the grins she gave me today, but it's still pretty darn cute.

4.6.15 - Rocketism

Jill  "awwed" a cute baby on the side of the road, and Rocket asked her to please not tell him about human babies, but tell him about dog babies immediately

4.5.15 - Dad, Jill, and Rocket's visit

Dad, Jill, and Rocket came in town to meet Clara last week. They got in on a Wednesday afternoon, and that evening they, Jack, Clara, and I all went out to Bandera for dinner. We got a nice round booth in the corner of the upper floor, where we could see everything. Rocket sat between Jill and Dad, and Clara slept in her car seat between Jack and me.

We had roasted artichokes and cheesy cornbread, potatoes with scallions and filet, and plenty of Diet Coke. One of the many nice things about being around Dad and Jill is the sudden abundance of Diet Coke everywhere, haha. Clara slept the whole time. Rocket got really into "shooting" the sugar bowl. Jack ate his food and a lot of our delicious leftovers. And Dad and Jill and I talked a lot. Later we were ordering dessert and the server let us know that they had apple walnut cobbler (not listed on the menu). When she said that Dad literally pushed back in his seat and put his hands to his cheeks in happy surprise. It was hilarious. Obviously we ordered one, which was delicious. We left the restaurant happy and full (in beautiful summer evening type weather, by the way).

The next morning I had a follow up job interview. Dad, Jill, and Rocket came over pretty early so they could watch Clara while I got ready (Jack had to work at 7am). Jill stayed with Clara and Dad drove me to and picked me up from the interview. We dissected the pros and cons of it on the way home, and that was satisfying.

Over the next two days, Dad, Jill, and Rocket hung out at our apartment, making lots of food and generally helping with Clara. Well, Rocket wasn't a huge help, but Dad and Jill were. Rocket mostly watched stuff on the Kindle and rough-housed with Jack when Jack was around. Like this:

On Friday afternoon while Jack was at work, we all took a trip to the park up the street. Rocket enjoyed the playground while Jill watched, Dad worked, and I mostly sat and fed Clara. It was nice to get out in the beautiful weather though.

On Friday night, Dad and Jill took Clara back to the hotel and watched her so Jack and I could have a dessert date night. We went to the Elephant Bar (literally next door to their hotel, convenient) and got the dessert platter and took our time. It was delicious and enjoyable. It's more important than ever, I think, to have so me focused one-on-one time with Jack when neither of us is on a laptop.

Of course the brownie is the best part,
but it's all pretty good.

Another highlight: throughout the trip Dad and Jill checked out a bunch of my scrapbooks. I think that's the most anyone besides me has looked at my scrapbooks, and I really enjoy sharing them.

There were also several times when Dad and Jill would watch Clara so I could take a nap, and that was a huge joy. I get pretty tired in early evening. On Saturday we all went to the hotel and I slept while Dad, Jill, Rocket, and Clara hung out near the hot tub (obviously Clara wasn't in the hot tub). I slept solid until Jack came to visit us all on his meal break and run around the hotel halls with Rocket. It was a good nap.

Overall it was a really nice visit, albeit too brief. Hopefully they will start visiting us in Sacramento more, now that Jefferson is always rented out. I know they really enjoyed seeing l'il Clara.

Easter eggs!

Always loved this as a kid.

3.25.15 - Don & Merlene's visit

Don and Merlene came out last Thursday and left this afternoon. It was great having them here! Merlene made dinners every night, along with several breakfasts and lunches. She made Jack's favorite, tortellini, and also lasagna, Ahi tuna, and fajitas. All amazing. She made extra of some things and froze them so we could just defrost and have some real meals in between them leaving and the next friend or family coming to help. Very thoughtful.

Matching green.

Don and Merlene also babysat a lot - they would come over around 7am to watch Clara so Jack and I could sleep more after getting up several times in the night. They'd also take Clara when I needed to tend to other things and Jack was working. Or when I just needed to nap. Hugely helpful. They also watched Clara so Jack and I could have a wonderful sushi date night.

Matching black and white.

AND Merlene is particularly good at noticing what we need (even before I notice, in many cases) and just going out and getting it. She got us better tupperware, an ice container to hold all my frozen breast milk (#winning), a CD of 100 kids songs and a CD player to play it on, a crockpot, a large storage container to serve as ever-growing Clara's next "bassinet," and many other little things we really needed. AND Merlene helped with laundry and cleaning the whole time.

I mean they both just made things so easy around here--everything was taken care of so I was free to sleep and care for Clara and spend some time with Jack. Hopefully as I further recover from the C-section I'll have an easier time taking care of Clara when I'm on my own, but as I transition it's been such a relief to have help from family and friends. Jack and I are very supported and I feel so lucky.